A fly on horse poop

Posted by Danny

I’m like a fly on horse poop.  I go from one pile to another, seldom finishing what I started.

This is the pot from dinner.  I put the stew on, something my mother-in-law froze for us a while back.  Of course, I was in a hurry so I put it on high. My stove should not have a “high” setting…and my car should have a governor.  I drive like a bat out of hell.  You’ll not see a Christian fish sign on the back of my car – nonbelievers would find it difficult to believe that a believer was behind the wheel.

I put the stew in and decided to make a “quick” phone call – not a social call but one to line up a play date for Stephanie later in the week.  Reception was bad in the house, so I went on the porch.

My friend and I began talking about weekend plans – and when I returned inside about ten minutes later, my stew was cooked – the pot was singed and the house smelled like a cigar bar.

The time that was saved by someone else preparing the meal was lost trying to get the damn burnt-on, black yuck off the bottom of the pan.  I had to scrape every inch with a butter knife – and then I pulled out the Softscrub.  As usual, it worked like a charm but I think I’ll let Jesse eat the next meal out of the pot before I feed anything that comes out of it to the kids.  I’ve seen some of the stuff he puts in his stomach – he can handle a trace of Softscrub.

At work I become distracted by emails concerning the kids.  At home I work on the stuff I didn’t finish at the office.  I’m never focused on one thing. 

I lift weights in between calling out spelling words.  I fold laundry while waiting to get a real person on the line at Time Warner (there is plenty of time to get something done when you’re on the line with Time Warner.) 

And I find that I go nuts to inanimate objects – like the recorded voice at Time Warner (we’ve been having some internet problems).  When I call I immediately yell into the phone “I WANT TO SPEAK TO A HUMAN!!”

“Could you repeat your request, I did not understand”, the polite robotic woman replies.

“YOU DID NOT UNDERSTAND MY REQUEST BECAUSE YOU ARE A RECORDING!  I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO TALK TO A WOMAN WHO ONLY COMPREHENDS SIXTEEN WORDS.  I HAVE A HUGE VOCABULARY.  PUT A HUMAN BEING ON THE PHONE – A PERSON – LA PERSONA – PERSONNE – A HOMO SAPIEN!  PERFERRABLY ONE WITH THE ABILITY TO FIX MY INTERNET CONNECTION!”

 “Would you like to speak to a customer service agent?”

“If she is alive that would thrill me!”

And when she finally comes on the line, I floss while waiting for her to remotely check my connection.

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11 Comments

  1. Haha. I’ve got that spastic bug, too. It’s a wonder I haven’t burned the house down!

    Reply
  2. Mel Ham

     /  June 15, 2011

    Time warner is the devil….the phone number goes directly to the hot place. They got us all…we are at their mercy…even though we have direct tv for tv viewing we still have internet with them…..I feel your pain. Multitasking while cooking is not the most efficient multi tasking ….there are things that you can multi task…like applying hair color trimming bushes while it does it’s work….mint masking your face while plucking eye brows, folding laundry, vaccuming….balancing check book during bathroom time..see how it works..can’t wait to not multitask with yal at the beach! love mel

    Reply
  3. Aunt Susan

     /  June 15, 2011

    Nice to know you floss.

    No wonder Uncle Jesse is so sweet it’s all the softscrub!

    Stop multitasking, believe me, you will get more done, and teach the girls to fold laundry. If it’s not perfect the laundry police will not fine you, frown maybe, but no fine.

    Reply
  4. Been there, done that but not to this extent. Still do it and often get into trouble because I’m old. It helps with weight loss but messes with your brain. One day it just says…I quit! Let’s hope that doesn’t kick in until you find a full time maid or the grils get older. Then they can help their poor old Dad find a chair to sit in because he’s all worn out. Vacation is coming! Plan some sitting time for you this vacation. You need it to survive next year!

    Reply
  5. The same thing happens to me. I think I’m developing adult onset ADHD. Yesterday evening I stuck a hose in our swimming pool. I just wanted to add a LITTLE water. I didn’t set the kitchen timer because ‘It will only take 15 minutes at the most.” I looked out the kitchen window this morning to see water flowing out into the yard. That 15 minutes became 12 hours. I’m not looking forward to this month’s water bill.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  June 16, 2011

      did the same thing last week with the sprinkler. and jesse came in at 1 and noticed it was on but wasn’t sure whether to turn it off or not – so he didn’t. whew.

      Reply
  6. ughh…time warner! What sucks is they have a monopoly on the area! No one else comes out this way. I never talk to customer service, I immediately ask for a supervisor, it saves me the grief!

    I think everyone struggles with 100% attention on one thing. I feel like it has been a successful day if everyone is alive, fed, and happily asleep – if all that happens – then it was a great day!

    Reply
  7. I completely relate. I totally scream at those recordings too. My Dad sent me a link to a site that is helpful to try to get you to a real human person with lots of companies: http://gethuman.com/

    Reply
  8. you are a working mother!
    gary incinerated a pot last week. i mean, utterly. he will derive comfort from your story.

    Reply
  9. Haha I cannot think of one person who hasn’t done exactly the same thing at least once

    Reply

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