Stinkin’ Leaves

raking

Raking!  AHHHH!

I really think God made a mistake when he created trees.  Not the tree itself, they’re necessary and in most cases very attractive to the eye.  But why did He have the leaves fall off?  Huge, huge mistake.

Why can’t they just stay on there?  They could still turn colors.  I’m even fine with them being brown in the winter.  Imagine, green for spring and summer; multicolored for fall and then brown in the winter.  Actually, if He was really concentrating when He tackled the whole tree deal, if He would have really thought this through, He would have had them turn white in the winter.  Now wouldn’t that be nice, huh?

I think the whole seven days thing really cut into his creativity.  He would have much greater success had he taken billions of years to create our world.

When we first bought our house, I raked until I had hemorrhoids.  I literally thought my insides were coming out.  I had blisters on my hands the size of quarters.  I couldn’t hold the offering plate when it came by my pew at church  after a Saturday in the yard.  He should have thought these things through.  Less leaves, more financial support for the kingdom.

I have this obsession with grass which does not help the situation.  I work so hard for the green, aerating and seeding, which has to occur in the fall.  And then, without fail, those dang leaves fall.  We go through this every single year.

Since we’ve lived on Smallwood Drive, we’ve lost about 7 large oaks in hurricanes which has drastically cut down on the number of hours I spend with blower and rake in hand.  Thank goodness.

I don’t have any warm memories of playing in a big pile of leaves as a kid.  I don’t think they have trees in Fayetteville where I grew up.  They don’t have much fescue grass either.  In the sandhills they grow centipede which would grow over your children as they play in your yard.

I think I’ll move back home.  Less leaves, great grass and likely less discomfort in the derriere.

Purchase Danny’s Book:  Laughter, Tears and Braids or at Quail Ridge Books in Raleigh

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20 Comments

  1. Daniel Johnson

     /  December 4, 2013

    A couple of years ago I was going a bit nuts trying to clear the yard with a handheld blower and rake. I found a good deal on Craigslist for a used, commercial-grade backpack blower. It paid for itself the first day. The maddening chore became more of a therapeutic exercise and a half-day project became one hour of awesome. If you don’t have one, it’s a worthwhile investment.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  December 4, 2013

      Come to think of it, years ago I used one of those from a friend. It was a powerful tool. I need to investigate that. Thanks.

      Reply
  2. Mom

     /  December 4, 2013

    You are not the first person who has thought of that. Do you remember that there was a lady in our church who actually thought that the leaves stayed on the tree and just turned red in the fall and green in the summer? This was one of those very intelligent people who had a masters degree in her field and was a very talented person when it came to her job, just never looked around her to see what else was in the world besides her job. Her mother told me that when she cooked a meal, she only made one dish. Her husband had to call to see if she had cooked a meat, vegetable or a dessert in order to fill in the meal for the night. She was able to concentrate so completely on whatever she was doing and could remember amazing things yet not be aware of ordinary things like the leaves in the fall. That kind of mind is not bad. You do a good job on one thing at a time!

    Reply
  3. LOL – I have a small tree that was planted when the house was built and every year it grows and every year I tell it “Please stop growing, I don’t want to ever have to rake!”

    Reply
  4. You won me on the white leaves. That would be beautiful! Then with or without snow, it would look like winter.

    Reply
  5. Holy Cow! So many leaves! Thankfully, we’ve had a lot of wind this fall, so many of our leaves have blown in to the neighbors’ yards – – shhhhh!

    Reply
  6. Jean

     /  December 4, 2013

    Please come on back home. The yard is full of leaves which you may rake to your heart’s content. There’s an old saying that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but it still has to be cut. That’s true with leaves as well! Dad

    Reply
  7. Aunt Susan

     /  December 4, 2013

    Come on down to visit, the ones that don’t fall in your yard fall in mine or on my roof!
    What about lights and ornaments growing too? then we wouldn’t have to decorate!

    Reply
  8. Miriam

     /  December 4, 2013

    Do the leaves really hurt the grass? I’m not attached to a fine looking lawn, so I wouldn’t really know. Can you just mow them and let them sink in as fertilizer over the winter?
    I was laughing a little while ago because I swear leaf blowers just blow leaves into other people’s yards.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  December 5, 2013

      If there are too many, they’ll kill the grass. But if not that many, a good mow/mulch might actually help your grass! When mine fall, they covered the entire back yard! No grass growing there.

      Reply
  9. David K

     /  December 5, 2013

    I know that some may find this ecologically insensitive but I remember raking leaves into the drainage ditch in front of the house along the roadside and burning them. I liked a whiff or two of that smoke and I would surely roll down my window for a sniff if I saw a burning ditchfull today.

    Reply
  10. Maybe he created leaves to show us how futile it is to try to figure him out! Or, rather, maybe he’s just a big meaniehead laughing at us every time a leaf falls off. I can just see him poking Gabriel in the ribs going, “Hey, Gabe, watch this. I’m going to make a single leaf fall and scare the daylights out of millions of people!”

    – theunchristianperspective.wordpress.com

    Reply
  11. mel ham

     /  December 6, 2013

    We burn here…not quite in the city limits. That is the joy of being able to burn. I had three fires going last week to the side of our road. that saves a lot of time you just rake in a big pile and burn ‘em. The smell is great. My mom will burn things before I can get to them. She has set her back yard on fire before only to be reprimanded by the fire department ..it didn’t slow her down… we call her pyromaryac.

    Reply

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