Christmas Cookie Cursing

Posted by Danny

This is the first Christmas that expletives have not been used during the baking of our family’s Christmas cookies! Ok, maybe I grumbled a little bit when I realized how hard the dough was.

Good thing I work out. This rolling job could be tough.

My wife was gifted at many, many things.  Cooking was not one of them, although she tried.  When her grandmother, Esther, stopped hosting the family Christmas Eve festivities, Lisa decided to carry that torch.  Hosting included baking and decorating traditional Christmas cookies – rolled from dough, cut out into shapes and hand iced.  This was the only time of the year that Lisa used our mixer.

Year after year she would start the process of mixing the dough and the beaters would get jammed. “This %&* mixer of your grandmothers sucks!” she would say. “It’s not worth a $%#&!!  We need a new one.”

“It’s a nice mixer; a Sunbeam, lifetime warranty,” I’d argue.

“Well guess what? She is dead!  Her lifetime is over.”

The last time she made cookies for Christmas, the swearing started.  That year instead of slinking into another room to avoid the controversy, I marched into the kitchen to assess the situation.  I lifted the top of the mixer and realized that the two beaters were different shapes – one was round, the other more square.  There was a diagram embedded on the body of the mixer outlining the proper beater position: round in the left hole, square in the right hole.  Lisa did not read the diagram, she just jammed them in whichever hole was available at the moment.  The result: bent beaters and expletives from my wife.

Recently a friend of mine asked Stephanie, “Is your dad a good cook?”  Without hesitation she replied, “No.”  I appreciate her candor.

I’m not a good cook.  However, baked cookies are an important part of our Christmas experience, even without curse words.  So I made an attempt.  They look presentable and I’m hopeful that Santa won’t be too picky this year.  But baking them is a BITCH! (that one was for Lisa)

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  1. Dan

     /  January 11, 2011

    Cookies look great, your hair, not so much

  1. Happy (Chinese) New Year! « The Real Full House

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