Miss Manners

Posted by Danny

First Published, 1938

Who in the heck is this woman, Miss Manners?

Today in the mail, DJ received an invitation to some event. Under the RSVP, there was no phone number, no email address, no evite for which to reply.  There was simply an address – on a street on the other side of town.  I don’t have time to drive over there to tell the girl we’re coming.  I’m a busy man. 

Actually, I had seen my wife, who was a debutante I might add, respond to fancy events like this in the past.  I knew she had a book.  I knew it was some girly title – like Miss Louise or Fraulein Peaches or something nice like that.  I began to pull  out books from the shelf.  I found a dandy book called Heloise From A to Z – did you know that ironing may set antiperspirant stains in your shirts?  Great piece of information, but not going to help me respond to this frickin’ party.  Another, The Book of Outdoor Gardening, smartly states:

Starting plants by propagation offers an abundance of exhilarating options.  Just for the adventure of it, you can decide to grow an exotic blue Himalayan poppy from seed.  Or you might experiment with layering a witch hazel or taking a cutting of your finest penstemon. 

I don’t think I have a penstemon, I looked.  There are four words in that sentence that I’ve never seen before and I still don’t know how to communicate our desire to attend the dang party.

Finally, The National Bestseller, Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.  I opened it up to page 193:

“Drapes”

Dear Miss Manners:

A friend of mine always corrects me when I say the word “drapes.”  She says that is vulgar, and that the right word is “draperies.”  Which of us is correct?

Gentle Reader:

You are both hopeless.  The word for material that hangs on the sides of windows is “curtains.”

Who gives a rat’s behind?  And why would someone ask that question? 

The proper way to respond when there is no other way to get the message to the person because they don’t have a phone or computer:

  Miss DJ Tanner

accepts with pleasure

the kind invitation of

Miss Cathy Sue Smith

For Saturday, the twenty ninth of January.

P.S.  I hope you get a computer or phone for your birthday.

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4 Comments

  1. Leslie Watts

     /  January 13, 2011

    After reading your post, I pulled out my copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s NEW Complete Book of ETIQUETTE, circa 1952. I read the swimming section – I always think of Lisa as Perm the Worm from the Y. The section is HYSTERICAL!!! Did you know that a woman is to never make a splash when she enters the pool? Just how we always did the campers, right???

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 13, 2011

      I thought you were going to tell me I did something wrong with the invitation. I hate those big women pool splashes – very ungraceful.

      Reply
  2. Anna

     /  January 14, 2011

    bahaha this make me laugh bc we didn’t include a response card in our wedding invitation (i don’t think i realized most ppl are unaware of the old school way to rsvp) but Lisa Ham was the first response we received!

    Reply
  3. Lynn Moss

     /  January 15, 2011

    this also made me laugh out loud (one of my favorite activities). Now I am going to have to get out Lil Taylor’s copy of “White Gloves and Party Manners” so I can get up to speed!

    Reply

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