Clampets Hit The City

Posted by Danny

Do you ever feel that you are in a social situation that is a bit over your head?  I will reiterate that my wife was a debutante – that must mean something.  If I can get my girls to stop burping at the table (and other things), perhaps there is hope for them too.  One of my major fears is that we have lost all refinement in our household.  Although Jesse and I are comfortable at the country club, we certainly aren’t Miss Manners.

We just arrived in DC for the wedding of dear friends, Kenny and Katherine.  They were in no hurry to wed, I think they’ve been dating for 15 years.  Katherine is refined.  That is why she chose the Hotel Monaco as the hotel for her guests.  It is REALLY nice.

We arrived in the Katsopolis family van.  My father in law keeps this ten year old vehicle just for trips like this one.  And it has come in very, very handy.  But when you arrive at a hotel and the bellhop scowls and says, “We can’t park that – it’s too big”, you know there’s a problem.  I bet if we arrived in a new Cadillac Escalade, his butt would find a spot big enough.

I know, it's as big as a Y van

The entrance was beautiful. 

When we registered, they asked if we wanted a goldfish in our room.  My response?  “Is it free?”  That’s a tacky response, but I’ve been to The Ritz before and been charged $10 for plastic cups.  And I am “cheap”, according to my first born.

He was free (or you wouldn't be seeing a picture of him)

His name was George Washington.   My kids changed his name to Toby.  Toby, really?  What about Patrick Henry or Harthacnut?  Or Edmund or Antonin?  Out of all the names in the world, they chose Toby.

Toby? Why Toby?

The room is nice and there are leopard print robes (I wish Lisa was still here).  I bet I’ll get charged for this.


There’s a phone by the toilet.  Now that’s convenient (how could you have a conversation with someone when you are sitting on the toilet?).

Admit it, we've all done it

There is a stairwell that looks like “Gone with the Wind”.

“Oh, Rhett! Please, don’t go! You can’t leave me! Please! I’ll never forgive you!”

Frankly my dear, I don't give a...

Their art is nice, but I think I could have painted it.

It's red and purple - pretty, but is this art?

I call this one "Yellow"

Their curtians (I mean drapes – sorry Miss Manners), are pretty and very, very big.

Nice drapes Monaco

Hallway reminds me of something from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

If you look at the rug too long it upsets your stomach

But the best part of Hotel Monaco besides the fact that the shower curtain smells good?  Free Cabernet in the lobby!  I feel more refined than ever.

Leave a comment


  1. Morgan

     /  January 20, 2011

    bruce, i love this entry. makes me miss lisa because your girls look just like her! and i love the VAN! that was our transportation of choice Soph year spring break!in High School! WOW! is that really the same van??? That is impressive!!!!

    • Morgan

       /  January 20, 2011

      no wait… you said 10 year old. so new van????

    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 20, 2011

      I think you’ve been out of high school for 20 years!!! This one is a replica of your spring break wagon.

  2. Katie Rogers

     /  January 20, 2011

    Bruce, you crack me up! I hope you all have a great time in DC. I guess it is probable that this hotel doesn’t take coupons or have a free continental breakfast.

    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 20, 2011

      I just bought a glass of wine. It was $13 and was about 3 tablespoons.

  3. Aunt Susan

     /  January 20, 2011

    so did you get to bring toby home with you? i bet a nice goldfish would like the piano practice that “Jesse” is promoting!

    You guys are great writers, I would love to read some of “Jesse’s other stuff.

  4. Susan

     /  January 20, 2011

    If it’s the place I am thinking, you guys need one of those designer dogs in a designer doggie purse just to let it drink from the silver water bowls in the lobby!

  5. Barbara Rogers

     /  January 21, 2011

    Your girls are all so beautiful!!! And the oldest daughter looks just like YOU! (I’m so sorry I never got to meet Lisa!)

  6. Hopie

     /  January 21, 2011

    I am doubled over laughing! What a great time for all of you…but now you know how I felt pulling up to Neiman Marcus in Atlanta in the church bus! Are those robes leopard or cheetah?? The girls can debate that one for the rest of the weekend.

    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 21, 2011

      I’m the only one at the hotel right now. May put one on and act like Hugh Hefner.


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