Posted by Danny
He died at 43; he was burried at 78.
Last week I taught my Sunday School class and that quote was in the lesson. I’d never really thought about it that way.
I’ve been searching for purpose in Lisa’s death – something that will not only justify what we’ve been through but that will also help make me fully alive again. I think I’m looking for something great to occur that could help balance out the loss. Could a ministry develop that reaches millions of people who struggle with grief? Could I write a book that could be helpful in understanding and dealing with a loss?
I pray daily that God will one day help me push through this grief and become comfortable with life without Lisa; that I will eventually find a partner that I can share my life with; that I will find true purpose in life.
All are tricky, number three perhaps the most. I think I can easily outline what I think my purpose should be and I can dream big (significant outreach to others who are struggling, best selling book, Oprah’s couch). The disconnect comes when I’m looking for what I want or what I think should happen versus sincerely being willing to listen and accept what God wants me to do.
Several times this year I’ve had people call me when a friend or acquaintance loses their spouse. It really makes me feel good to be able to think that I may have something to offer them. The widows and widowers who have helped counsel me the past 12 months have been invaluable to my healing. Could His purpose for me be that simple?
I think if MY wife died, certainly there’s something big out there that will allow me in five years to look back and say “that helps me feel better about the loss”. Not that it was worth it, but that something good did indeed happen that would not have happened had Lisa lived. And yet, I need to be very, very careful about how I define big. If one person is truly touched through this, that could be big to God.
If I only help one person who is struggling because of what I’ve learned through this process, I’m going to be torked! But I am going to strive (I can’t promise) to listen to God and look for doors to walk through. And whatever those doors may be, I pray that I’ll have the discernment and the humility to walk through leaving my personal desires in the hallway.
I don’t think you have to have a spouse die to do the same. Perhaps each one of us has a significant purpose here on earth. How in the heck do we find it?