Sunday Post 6: What’s the Purpose?

Posted by Danny

He died at 43; he was burried at 78.

Last week I taught my Sunday School class and that quote was in the lesson.  I’d never really thought about it that way.

I’ve been searching for purpose in Lisa’s death – something that will not only justify what we’ve been through but that will also help make me fully alive again.  I think I’m looking for something great to occur that could help balance out the loss.  Could a ministry develop that reaches millions of people who struggle with grief?  Could I write a book that could be helpful in understanding and dealing with a loss?

I pray daily that God will one day help me push through this grief and become comfortable with life without Lisa; that I will eventually find a partner that I can share my life with; that I will find true purpose in life.

All are tricky, number three perhaps the most.  I think I can easily outline what I think my purpose should be and I can dream big (significant outreach to others who are struggling, best selling book, Oprah’s couch).  The disconnect comes when I’m looking for what I want or what I  think should happen versus sincerely being willing to listen and accept what God wants me to do.

Several times this year I’ve had people call me when a friend or acquaintance loses their spouse.  It really makes me feel good to be able to think that I may have something to offer them.  The widows and widowers who have helped counsel me the past 12 months have been invaluable to my healing.  Could His purpose for me be that simple?

I think if MY wife died, certainly there’s something big out there that will allow me in five years to look back and say “that helps me feel better about the loss”.  Not that it was worth it, but that something good did indeed happen that would not have happened had Lisa lived.  And yet, I need to be very, very careful about how I define big.  If one person is truly touched through this, that could be big to God.

If I only help one person who is struggling because of what I’ve learned through this process, I’m going to be torked!  But I am going to strive (I can’t promise) to listen to God and look for doors to walk through.  And whatever those doors may be, I pray that I’ll have the discernment and the humility to walk through leaving my personal desires in the hallway.

I don’t think you have to have a spouse die to do the same.  Perhaps each one of us has a significant purpose here on earth. How in the heck do we find it?

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  1. Mom

     /  February 20, 2011

    What a thought provoking blog this is this morning. It’s where we all are at times…what is our purpose through this. I think it’s healthy to look for purpose in the middle of troubled times. That way, we become better people. Life is about helping others through when they feel like they are drowning, giving them a hand to pull them through when we can and reaching out for those hands when we feel like we are drowning. Keep on reaching.

  2. Your last two posts have touched me. Keep reaching out and reaching up.Just saw Mom’s last line, same sentiments.

  3. April (Calvin) Poole

     /  February 20, 2011

    I hesitated to write this – my grief is so different from yours. And yet perhaps grief is the same no matter the surrounding circumstances. The post prior to this one as well as todays have been very meaningful for me and I feel the need to let you know that your blog is truly a help for those who are and have been in the midst of grief. Often the little things that we don’t consider of much significance are the very things that are most helpful for others.
    May the sustaining grace of God be with you and the girls.
    April Poole

  4. Wayne

     /  February 20, 2011

    Keep at it Bo. You’re looking in the right places.

  5. Bob Ervin

     /  February 20, 2011

    It was 19 years ago that I lost my wife to cancer. I am not sure that God still has revealed a purpose, but I know that He has provided many opportunities since for me to interact with men who have suffered that loss. The pain does get better, but there are still triggers that bring reminders and wet eyes to go with it. Hang in there BH. God has a plan for you too.

  6. I want to share with you this quote from Norma Jean Irion. To me it sounds like a philosophy born of loss and grief. I hope that it may be helpful to you in some small way.

    “Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, savour you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ~Mary Jean Irion

  1. What’s the Purpose? (via The Real Full House) « Living True

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