Gotta Go Right Now!

Posted by Danny Tanner

Why do girls pee in their pants?

I’m not using names, but hypothetically, we could have had an incident at Boston Logan airport today.  And it could have been caused by extreme laughter.  If laughing makes you pee, it’s a wonder my kids aren’t leaking all over the United States.

This isn’t the first time.  Lisa used to get so mad at me when I’d tickle the girls hard enough to make them pee.  That wasn’t my goal, and there was absolutely no forewarning.  Lisa would say she could have seen it coming.  How?  I saw nor heard anything that would have clued me in to that possibility.  Once they passed the stage where they grabbed their crotch at the first inkling of a “gotta go” moment, I lost my ability to tune in to the foreshadowing of this event.

I don’t really understand this phenomenon.  If I need to pee, I feel it coming.  I stop all action and move toward the nearest bathroom in a rapid manner.  Sometimes it feels like I’ve cut it close, but I think it would take a lot of water or a number of pitchers of beer to make me wet myself. 

I also don’t remember peeing in my pants as a kid.  I don’t remember my brother peeing in his pants as a kid nor any of our friends.  Jesse has never peed his pants in my presence.  Why does this happen to girls?  Is it like a champagne bottle?  The cork pops and it just starts pouring out?

Many years ago I remember a group of women from work going on a retreat to the beach for the weekend.  Apparently they were walking down the beach in the edge of the water.  One sweet, sweet lady suddenly stepped into a hole.  It startled her and she got tickled and immediately peed in her pants.  This would not happen to a guy.  We might pull our pants down and tinkle in the ocean, but I assure you it would be intentional.

The first time one of our girls wet her pants at an age old enough to know better, Lisa told me it was quite normal for women.  She recalled a friend from college returning home to the ADPi house mid-date one time with her coat tied around her waist.  When Lisa asked her why she had returned home so early, she said she was cold and wanted to put something warmer on – that was the story in front of her the fraternity boy she was courting.  I guess you’d be cold too in November with a soaking wet lap.

I’m trying to become more in tune with my feminine side so I can better relate to the girls.  When I get off this plane, I’m going to go home and try to pee in my pants.  Maybe then I’ll understand.

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14 Comments

  1. Katie Martin

     /  February 28, 2011

    Laughing so hard that I think I just…….uh-oh…..

    Reply
  2. Annette Heath

     /  February 28, 2011

    Listen Danny – girls have a very short distance between the bladder and the exit; guys have a long distance. You are young yet – wait till you reach your 50’s/60’s and so on and you may find that you make a lot of trips to the men’s room.

    ADPi – Yeahhhhhh – My daughter was an ADPi at Duke and the PanHel president. She and the UNC PanHel pres were friends and teamed up during that time. One more reason to love Lisa. I so wish I had known her. Annette

    Reply
  3. Dave K

     /  February 28, 2011

    OK – speaking for some of your older male readers – we enjoy your writing but don’t often respond. Age has a way of evening things out. I hope you have high holding capabilities as you grow older, but you may find that you will have to make a calculated decision every time you pass a men’s room, should I stop or can I make it to the next one. You’re out on thin ice, Danny, and just thinking about the cold water underneath that ice is causing me to stop this comment now so I can go…..

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  February 28, 2011

      With no wife in the house, I’m a bit more bolder about what I write. I would have NEVER written that post if Lisa would have been here to check me!

      Reply
  4. Leslie

     /  February 28, 2011

    Why do men get kidney stones and then keep them in a jar on the dresser? women never do that!

    Reply
  5. Haha! This post is pee-in-the-pants funny 🙂

    Reply
  6. Having 4 boys and 2 girls and a wife in the household, I remember plenty of “accidents” on both sides.
    Hum, maybe that’s why my wife and older daughter won’t let me tickle them any more! Hands off or I’m gonna pee! HAHA!

    Reply
  7. Kim G

     /  March 9, 2011

    I recall several chain reaction peeing incidents with Lisa over the years. It’s a girl thing…you wouldn’t understand. It gets worse after childbearing. Sadly, there is no hope…

    Reply
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