My Big Tent

Stephanie and Michelle entering the foyer

We just returned from our fourth annual Memorial Day Weekend camping trip.  We started this tradition with four other families and have hit different North Carolina parks each year.

I’m not sure why we go.  None of us are really camping people.  We’d be much more comfortable at the Ritz Carlton in Key Biscayne, Fla.  Of course, this is easier on the pocketbook, and I guess we all want our kids to spend some time outside looking at stars and enjoying nature and stuff.

One thing that keeps me from being a more frequent camper is the lack of adequate bathrooms.  In fact, on the way to Jones Lake in Elizabethtown, we took a 30 minute detour to my parent’s house in Fayetteville for one last pit stop before closing down the old plumbing until we got back home.  I called my dad to tell him we were coming and to stock each bathroom with a new roll of Charmin.  When we hit the driveway, we noticed the sign he’d hung on the door – “Clean Restrooms Available!”

I was glad we made that stop.  At the campground, the men’s bathroom had stalls but no doors; at least I didn’t see any from where I was standing (I didn’t actually go back there).  I have a phobia about no stall doors.

One time when I was the director of the Cary YMCA, I was making my nightly rounds.  I hit the men’s lockerrom and as always, began flushing all toilets since our male members seldom did.  I hit the three urinals and the first stall quickly – I was in a hurry as always.  When I flew into the second stall – the door was wide open –  much to my surprise, there was a man sitting there.  I didn’t really glance up until I was nose to nose with the dude.   

I ran to my office and stayed there until thirty minutes after the building closed.  I left all bathroom patrols to our maintenance staff from that day forward.

That incident scarred me.  I wonder how he’s doing.

Our family at the West Entrance

About six years ago my father-in-law asked me what I wanted for Christmas.  I suggested a pup tent built for two.  DJ and I had joined the YMCA’s Y-Princess program, and I knew we’d have to camp together once a year.  I told him there was a small tent, just our size, for $20 at Target. 

On Christmas Day, I opened my large box.  Inside was a $350 Sierra Design tent from REI – it slept six – adults.  David doesn’t always get you what you want – he often gets you what he thinks you need.  He makes up his mind, consults Consumer Reports and you get the top of the line!

I wondered what in the heck I was going to do with a tent that large.  It was more square footage than my first apartment.  The east wing had a closet and the dining room sat 8. 

To my surprise, I’ve used the dang thing 15 or 20 times over the years – often sleeping four or more folks.  David ws right, I did need a big tent.  One that I could be proud of.  In fact, one of my camping buddies had tent envy last year and showed up this year with an upgrade.  That made me walk a little taller around the campfire.

I don’t understand why they make tent and sleeping bag covers 12% smaller than the actual tent or sleeping bag.  I busted three blood vessels in my head trying to shove the dang sleeping bags back into the holders.  I nearly pulled my back out trying to squish all the air out of the blow up matress.  I was hugging it with both arms while I squeezed the middle with my legs.  I felt like a boaconstrictor; all this work to make a single matress fit in a carrying case the size of a sandwich bag.

My friend Martin can make wet wood burn. I think he's a Boy Scout or a Warlock.

At 2:30 am on Saturday night, my buddy’s truck alarm went off.  Lights were flashing and the horn was going nuts.  It scared the mess out of everyone – at least everyone in my tent.  I spent the next hour wondering what could have caused that alarm to go off.  I narrowed it down to three things – a mechanical malfunction, a theif, or a big animal.  The third potential was the most unnerving.  Heck, there was a bear walking around downtown Garner last week – imagine what could have been lurking in the woods in Bladen County, NC.

I saw Jeff walk by my tent to go check things out.  I briefly considered getting up and going with him, but I decided it would probably be better just to listen and keep my phone close.  Although I had a great tent, it wasn’t bear proof and we were the closest family to the cars. 

Last night after we were in our tent and the lights were out, the girls asked me to tell them a ghost story.  I shared about Crazy Nell who was killed right there in Elizabethtown many years before.  When I finished, DJ said, “I believe in ghosts.”  And Michelle added, “And the holy Catholic Church.” 

Our minister will be glad to know she’s been paying attention during the Apostle’s Creed.

I wish I could post more pictures but one of the moms there told me if I put a picture of her on this blog after a night of camping that Crazy Nell’s death would look tame compared to what she would do to me.  From her tone and the look in her eyes, I think she was serious.

Can’t wait until next year!  Thank you camping buds.

I'm allowed to publish this picture -these are the clouds that produced 10 inches of rain all over our camp site.

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14 Comments

  1. Aunt Susan

     /  May 30, 2011

    Danny, Garner bears don’t leave Wake Co. you had nothing to fear. Your righst about your F I L, he got that from his Mom, he is always a surpriseing gifter. Love your Dad’s sense of humor, you get yours from him. Glad it’s you outdoors, I’m roughing it withour A.C.! (by choice)

    Reply
  2. Thanks for the morning laugh. Good way to start my morning. I think i’ll skip the camping, though. I’d have to run home to the bathroom every hour. Don’t think it’s worth it.

    Reply
  3. Melanie Walker

     /  May 30, 2011

    We moms appreciate our greasy hair not making the blog; better for your long-term relationships with us. The bathrooms weren’t that bad.

    Reply
  4. At some point we decided to be a camping family. So with six kids we bought a ten person tent. It has 3 wings for two each and the middle for four. As kids got bigger it still got crowded.
    Everyone seemed to come look at our tent. Then when they saw all of us, they said no wonder you got a big one!
    Mostly pleasant memories. No stall door troubles.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  May 30, 2011

      Somehow I’m not surprised that teh wood crafting man would have a big tent.

      Reply
  5. Anna

     /  May 30, 2011

    I believe in the holy catholic church too, Michelle. Ha!!! Oh there’s nothing like catching up on posts from The Real Full House!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  May 30, 2011

      And just think – she could be your babysitter in a few years.

      Reply
  6. Wayne

     /  May 30, 2011

    What he’s not telling you folks, is that the next day on the way home, they appeared at Dad’s door again. No one spoke but three out of four flew in the door and went straight to the three bathrooms without speaking. The fourth danced nervously about waiting on the first empty stall…all of which have doors! They then ate ice cream, baked a cookie for each one, made Danny a pot of coffee and left. Why do I feel like a convenience store off I95?

    Reply
  7. Sarah LF

     /  May 30, 2011

    You can always count on a laugh from Michelle. She is the funniest Tanner/Katsopolis, after all.

    Reply
  8. Aunt Susan

     /  May 30, 2011

    Wayne, you are a good Dad and Granddad. it’s nice to know that there is a neat,clean and offers cookies, rest stop down I-95

    Reply
  9. Good post! Have you tried the Smokemont camp ground, just inside the Great Smokey Mountains National Park from Cherokee? It is fairly “populous” but a good one with kids.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  May 31, 2011

      That may be our next trip. I’ll pass it on to the planning committee!

      Reply
  10. Sharon Padgett

     /  May 31, 2011

    I graduated from the tent and now have a camper….with a full bath…and a keurig coffee maker! I think it’s time Bruce!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  May 31, 2011

      I’m going to take that $65,000 you spent on the camper and invest in some really nice hotel rooms! I’m a Ritz sort of dude.

      Reply

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