Posted by Danny
I’m like a fly on horse poop. I go from one pile to another, seldom finishing what I started.
This is the pot from dinner. I put the stew on, something my mother-in-law froze for us a while back. Of course, I was in a hurry so I put it on high. My stove should not have a “high” setting…and my car should have a governor. I drive like a bat out of hell. You’ll not see a Christian fish sign on the back of my car – nonbelievers would find it difficult to believe that a believer was behind the wheel.
I put the stew in and decided to make a “quick” phone call – not a social call but one to line up a play date for Stephanie later in the week. Reception was bad in the house, so I went on the porch.
My friend and I began talking about weekend plans – and when I returned inside about ten minutes later, my stew was cooked – the pot was singed and the house smelled like a cigar bar.
The time that was saved by someone else preparing the meal was lost trying to get the damn burnt-on, black yuck off the bottom of the pan. I had to scrape every inch with a butter knife – and then I pulled out the Softscrub. As usual, it worked like a charm but I think I’ll let Jesse eat the next meal out of the pot before I feed anything that comes out of it to the kids. I’ve seen some of the stuff he puts in his stomach – he can handle a trace of Softscrub.
At work I become distracted by emails concerning the kids. At home I work on the stuff I didn’t finish at the office. I’m never focused on one thing.
I lift weights in between calling out spelling words. I fold laundry while waiting to get a real person on the line at Time Warner (there is plenty of time to get something done when you’re on the line with Time Warner.)
And I find that I go nuts to inanimate objects – like the recorded voice at Time Warner (we’ve been having some internet problems). When I call I immediately yell into the phone “I WANT TO SPEAK TO A HUMAN!!”
“Could you repeat your request, I did not understand”, the polite robotic woman replies.
“YOU DID NOT UNDERSTAND MY REQUEST BECAUSE YOU ARE A RECORDING! I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO TALK TO A WOMAN WHO ONLY COMPREHENDS SIXTEEN WORDS. I HAVE A HUGE VOCABULARY. PUT A HUMAN BEING ON THE PHONE – A PERSON – LA PERSONA – PERSONNE – A HOMO SAPIEN! PERFERRABLY ONE WITH THE ABILITY TO FIX MY INTERNET CONNECTION!”
“Would you like to speak to a customer service agent?”
“If she is alive that would thrill me!”
And when she finally comes on the line, I floss while waiting for her to remotely check my connection.