Sunday Post 26: Searching for Good

No one knows

the tears still inside me.

People think it’s all past.

They think I’m all better.

Every once in a while I think, I hope, I pray

that things will be better too.

But then I remember.

And the pain floods back,

and the bottom falls out,

and I fall and I fall.

And I know once again

that things aren’t all better:

My loved one is gone,

and I cry alone.

How much longer; God?

How long does this last?

by Kenneth C. Haugk

This summer has been particularly difficult in the grieving cycle for me.  I sort of felt like I was making strong headway – but not anymore.  I think the seasons of transition might be the most difficult – a child finishing middle school, resident camp drop offs, vacations with the entire family (but it’s not the entire family), disucssions about the fall – things that might change with a new chapter ahead.  And when I think maybe I don’t have to have the question “Why” answered, it reemerges as a central theme in my mind.

A friend of Jesse’s recommended a book, The Reason for God by Tomothy Keller.  I started it this week at the beach. 

He says that some people argue that evil and suffering are evidence that there isn’t a God.  I can understand that line of thinking.

And yet, he uses the story of Joseph in Genesis to dispell this thinking.  Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery and he seemed doomed to a life of misery in Egypt.  But through his bondage, he grew in character and faith.  Eventually he rose up to become a leader in Egypt saving thousands of lives including his brothers. 

The pain and agony paid off in the long run.

Does every bad circumstance end with good?  I don’t believe so.  I do, however, think that those who suffer can guarantee that no good will come if they refuse to be open to that possibility.

At this point, the only remotely positive thing I have seen from Lisa’s death is my new love of writing and I’d gladly give that up to have her back.  But I’m trying to leave the door open for the possiblity of good.  Do I have the patience to wait or the insight to notice if it smacks me on the head?

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  1. April

     /  July 17, 2011

    You’ve said it all. There’s not a thing I can think of that would add to your comments. Praying for the peace of God and His sustaining grace for you and your family.

  2. Faye Humphrey

     /  July 17, 2011

    You will make it Bruce. Your faith is real. Praying for you.


  3. Well written – I think often that good that springs is inside which can make it hard to spot…

  4. Norma

     /  July 17, 2011

    You continue to be in my daily prayers. You don’t have to find the good in Lisa’s passing; the good was the love, the family, and the memories that the two of you had together. Her “good” (greatness) will live on through you and your girls.

    Your blog has made many people more aware (me especially) of how fortunate we are to have our families. None of us know what is around the corner, so we need to appreciate and love every gifted moment we have on this Earth. Thank you for all of your writing.

  5. Well said.

  6. Ah, the last two sentences resonate with me. I too have left doors open for answers/change. But have doors been opened for me that I have not gone through?
    The waiting part…how much do I wait or when is it time to move? Like going through those doors.
    Knocking on closed doors doesn’t seem to help…they never open.
    Have opportunities been missed? Questions always questions!

  7. Patti

     /  July 19, 2011

    Thanks for sharing this. We have a friend who lost his wife of 30 years just 9 months ago. He is struggling with the people who love him, who want him to “get over it” – they want him back, as he was before. He is trying to make them understand that will not happen as they want it to. He refers to C.S. Lewis’ observation that losing a loved one is like having an amputation – the limb won’t grow back, but you can learn to walk again.

    We can see our friend learning to walk again – he can lift his face and his eyes now – that’s a good sign. He knows that God is good and that we find meaning in Him alone. He knows that his wife was not angry with God for her unexpected calling, so he knows he cannot be. For now, that is sufficient.


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