Oh the Weekend

Posted by Danny

The weekends are the toughest.  That’s why I avoid them.

Of the last 10 weekends, I’ve spent five at the beach, two at the lake and three in New Bern for camp drop offs.  This was my first back home.  I thought it would be easier with the kids returning from camp.  And I think that did help a little.  But the days drag by – my mind creeps to those places that I work diligently to elude. 

It doesn’t seem to matter that I’ve done nine loads of laundry, jogged, had multiple kids over to spend the night, hosted a family dinner party and cleaned up the yard.  All of those tasks leave plenty of time to bask in my thoughts. 

I wonder if anyone else is thinking about her.

I think about life B.C. – before cancer.

I think if she were here I wouldn’t have so much damn laundry to do!

I feel like I struggle to give my all to the kids because my mind is in constant motion, wandering.  It’s like when you’re in class and you’ve been daydreaming, when suddenly the teacher calls your name. I meant to be paying attention.  I swear I was a few minutes ago.  Dag gone, caught again.

You’d think sleep would come easy.  What better way to stop thinking than to sleep.  I lay in bed, my body exhausted but my mind ready for round 2. 

Grief is heavy.  It takes its toll.  TGIM – Thank God It’s Monday.

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9 Comments

  1. Oh man, I hate this for you. Wishing you a little peace and peace this week!

    Reply
  2. Helen LaVere

     /  August 17, 2011

    Wishing you the peace that passeth all understanding, and assuring you that many others think of Lisa often. Hope you have a week that brings you what you need.

    Reply
  3. Paige Coker

     /  August 17, 2011

    Thank you for your post today. I lost my brother two years ago last Sunday, and I could have written it….less the kids and laundry! Thanks for making me realize I’m not alone. Gods Peace and blessing on all of you.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  August 17, 2011

      I hate that you’re going through this too. It is comforting though to know that you’re not the only one.

      Reply
  4. April

     /  August 18, 2011

    You are blessed with the talent to express how the loss of someone you love so completely affects your life forever.
    Your words are comforting.
    April

    Reply
  5. J

     /  August 18, 2011

    Oh, you are exactly right about grief being heavy. We lost our little girl a little over two years ago, and missing her is just overwhelming. Her birthday is next week, and the days leading up to it have been pretty hard. Thank you for your honesty. I keep you and your family in my prayers.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  August 18, 2011

      You know, as I think about it, there are triggers that put me in this fog. There are several significant dates coming up – I think that makes it even harder. I’ll keep you and your family on my mind.

      Reply
  6. April

     /  August 19, 2011

    You are so right – the 23rd is our trigger and it’s a struggle to try to stay in the moment and not let the black cloud hang heavy over the days. The lifeline is that peace will return – it always has and we have faith that it always will.
    April

    Reply
  7. Andee

     /  August 20, 2011

    yes, I know. I am excited about seeing you all very soon.

    -Rachel

    Reply

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