Posted by Danny
The weekends are the toughest. That’s why I avoid them.
Of the last 10 weekends, I’ve spent five at the beach, two at the lake and three in New Bern for camp drop offs. This was my first back home. I thought it would be easier with the kids returning from camp. And I think that did help a little. But the days drag by – my mind creeps to those places that I work diligently to elude.
It doesn’t seem to matter that I’ve done nine loads of laundry, jogged, had multiple kids over to spend the night, hosted a family dinner party and cleaned up the yard. All of those tasks leave plenty of time to bask in my thoughts.
I wonder if anyone else is thinking about her.
I think about life B.C. – before cancer.
I think if she were here I wouldn’t have so much damn laundry to do!
I feel like I struggle to give my all to the kids because my mind is in constant motion, wandering. It’s like when you’re in class and you’ve been daydreaming, when suddenly the teacher calls your name. I meant to be paying attention. I swear I was a few minutes ago. Dag gone, caught again.
You’d think sleep would come easy. What better way to stop thinking than to sleep. I lay in bed, my body exhausted but my mind ready for round 2.
Grief is heavy. It takes its toll. TGIM – Thank God It’s Monday.