Sunday Post 34: The Sun Came Out

It’s like trying out for a team or the lead in a play.  You worry and worry and dread the moment.  The anxiety consumes you.

“Will I be good enough?”

“Will I choke?”

“What’s it going to be like?”

“What could happen that I’m not expecting?”

And then the day arrives, and passes, and all is ok.

For nearly a month I’ve dreaded the two-year anniversary of Lisa’s diagnosis.  The memory of that moment in time that changed our lives.  I worried about how I’d respond.  I became consumed with sad thoughts.  I reverted back to the dark places that can haunt you with grief.

And the day came – and it was tough.  But it passed.  And on Monday, at Water Country USA, with Jesse, DJ and friend and Michelle, I began to see the sun again.  And today, I cranked open the car windows, all four of them, and the sunroof, and turned the volume of my stereo as loud as it would go and I sang with all my might.  A woman with big hair in the car next to me looked my way – I”m sure she thought, “What’s up with that guy?”

And I thought of Lisa – but they were happy thoughts.  Thoughts of her cracking up when I sang all the words to rap songs on the way to Target.  Thoughts of her singing in the passenger seat not knowing that I was hanging on every word.  And I didn’t cry.  And I could breath again.

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5 Comments

  1. Aunt Susan

     /  September 11, 2011

    Congratulations on that big step. You are healing.

    Reply
  2. Norma

     /  September 11, 2011

    Music is such a healing force. Remember to sing is to pray twice!

    We pray for your continued healing every day.

    Reply
  3. Susan Disher

     /  September 11, 2011

    I have learned over time that the anticipation is often worse than the actualization…so I keep reminding myself as different anniversaries (for as you know there are more than just one) approach but I am still taking baby steps…it gets a little better but still baby steps

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  September 12, 2011

      And then a big step and then a leap backwards and then another baby step. It’s like Mother May I.

      Reply

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