Lost in a World of Utensils

Posted by Danny

I forgot how to cook.  We were gone so much this summer that I just didn’t – we ate out.

So tonight, I decided I had to get back on the wagon.  School started a couple of weeks ago and we had several meals in the freezer.  Tomorrow, I may have to pull out the pots and pans.

I began hanging out in the kitchen about midnight – trying to rebuild some kharma with the place.  I wiped the stove top off with the sponge and ran my hands across the countertop.  I counted my knives, they all seem present.  I’m coming back baby!  Together we’ll make this happen!

I then opened a random, down low, utensil drawer and I was surprised at what I found.  There are things in there that are unidentifiable to me.

What is this?

It looks sort of like a spoon but there’s a big hole in the bottom.  Actually, I’m pretty sure my urologist used a similar instrument when he gave me my vasectomy – only his was made of cold stainless steel.

And this?

I thought it was a thermometer but there are no numbers.  It’s rough around the sides like a cat’s tongue.  Actually felt good when I used it to scratch my back.  Too big for a skewer.  I’m gonna move it to the bedroom.

This one is clearly for cutting – it has really sharp teeth.  It looks like it could peel the skin off a tiger – nearly cut my finger off when I grabbed it for closer observation.  It too may have been used in a same day surgery procedure or by Anthony Hopkins in the thriller Psycho.  I’m just going to put it back in the drawer, face down.

And this contraption?

If it had more parts I’d think it could be used to mold playdough.  A telescope?  It actually came from The Pampered Chef, says so on the side.  I can almost hear Lisa –

I just had a Longaberger Basket party last week and now the Pampered Chef.  I don’t cook!  Why would they invite me to this?  And I’m going to have to buy something that we will never use!

And clearly, she did.

And this little man is cute – up on three little legs.  But what is his purpose?  Maybe he’s a cake topper.

Wouldn’t want that on my birthday cake.

I feel so inadequate.  How have I made it the past 18 months without these utensils?  What am I missing?  I bet if I could figure out what these things did my cooking abilities would increase three-fold.

One thing I loved about Lisa – I’d bet my life savings that she couldn’t identify any of these gadgets either.  We were kitchen clueless together.

If you’ve got a clue, let me know!

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28 Comments

  1. Alice

     /  September 14, 2011

    No idea about the yellow spoon – weird! The 2nd is a knife sharpener that probably came in a knife set/block. The 3rd is a grapefruit cutter upper. You stick it down on the side of the wedge and go back and forth and it’ll cut out a nice piece of grapefruit so you can do the hard work before you sit down to eat it. The 4th is part of a cheese grater. There’s a metal piece with sharp holes that goes in there. Actually very useful until I discovered that you could buy shredded cheese in bags. Never used the PC device again. The little man – very strange. No idea!
    Good luck cooking!

    Reply
  2. Barbara

     /  September 14, 2011

    1. No clue
    2. knife sharpner
    3. potato peeler
    4. cheese grater
    5. biscuit cutter
    Is this a contest and the one that gets the most right gets a prize?

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  September 14, 2011

      yes – you get to come to dinner at our house, but you have to bring the food!

      Reply
  3. Baltimore Hokie

     /  September 14, 2011

    No clue about the first one or the last one. Second one is used to sharpen knives. It is called a steel. Third one can be used as a peeler. Unsure what the teeth are for. Said “contraption” is a parmesan cheese grater, but it appears to be missing the handle. Curious.

    Reply
  4. Dave K

     /  September 14, 2011

    That sharp third thing will take the skin off your finger – instantly!

    Reply
  5. Bailey is aquainted with some items in your kitchen. You might ask her. She’s fast becoming the family chef since she’s the one who opens the cookbook and at least tries to use it. Hang on…we’re bringing food Thursday. And by the way, if there’s no use for the thing, there’s always the trash can. You don’t need to decorate your drawers with things you’ve never been introduced to and never plan to use. On the other hand, a kitchen drawer garage sale might be fun. You might make enough to pay a chef.

    Reply
  6. Sarah LF

     /  September 14, 2011

    1. egg lifter -http://bit.ly/ou3dxm
    http://bit.ly/q9Z9Nh
    (searching “egg separator yellow plastic” on google images gets results ever so quickly!)

    3. apple corer http://bit.ly/r5c4d1 (in case you want 3 more) 🙂

    Barbara is right on the others, although I could be wrong and #3 is also a potato peeler.

    Reply
  7. Anne Spottswood

     /  September 14, 2011

    Is the spoon thingy to get out hard boiled eggs with?

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  September 14, 2011

      I just dump the water in the sink and the egg falls out with it. but interesting utensil. who buys this thing?

      Reply
  8. jimmye

     /  September 14, 2011

    #4 is in fact a cheese greater but like many kitchen items that can lull you into mistakes it is not that simple. only works for hard cheese particularly parmesean. happy cooking

    Reply
  9. EKB

     /  September 14, 2011

    I think I know three of them–but the first and the last stump me. #2–Knife Sharpener. I am 100% sure of that, and it is a useful tool. #3–Apple Corer, I think. Never used one. #4–Some kind of grater–probably for parmesean cheese. Also never used that.

    I am very curious about the #1 and #5–the spoon with the hole and the little man. Please someone who is kitchen-savvy let us know!

    Reply
  10. Melanie Walker

     /  September 14, 2011

    1. Throw it away
    2. Knife sharpener or very large ice pick
    3. Apple corer, one of my favorite utensils – use it all the time. Can also peel the apple, but I find that cumbersome. Use it.
    4. Maybe some type of garlic press. Toss it.
    5. Came in a fancy pizza box to keep the cheese from sticking to the lid. Goodbye.

    Reply
  11. Scott E.

     /  September 14, 2011

    When I first saw this, I had flashes of old pots and pans, with things growing in them, left in the kitchen sink by one of our roommates (prob. me too) at Western Manor or Avery Close.

    Item #4, the cheese grater, is definitely a fine tool from Pampered Chef. I know of at least 2 pieces that I can remember (our’s broke a while back)that go with it. In the round part on the right end, a cylinder-shaped silver grader sits with a small gray plastic handle that connects to it with a knotch-like piece. Turn the small handle in circular motion to grate the cheese, onions, etc.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  September 14, 2011

      i found the other piece. next time you are in town, bring over a block of cheese and show me how to use it!

      Reply
  12. Looks like you already got a lot of help with this, but I figure the more input the more likely you are to figure it all out. The first one I have no idea, but theorize that it might be useful to spoon eggs out of boiling water? The second is indeed a knife honer from a knife block set (we have two). The third is an apple corer. Don’t be fooled by other answers. The fourth is a Parmesan cheese grater, but is missing the cylindrical grater that turns inside. (We have an OXO brand one and use it whenever I want to be classier than using the flat kind with big holes down one side and little holes down the other.) And finally….no idea, but I like the idea of it coming in a pizza box. Stick it in your garden as a sort of waiter for the local gnomes and fairies.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  September 14, 2011

      I think I found the other part of the cheese grater – will put it to use directly.

      Reply
  13. Aunt Susan

     /  September 14, 2011

    Everybody else answered all your questions, I adore my cheese grater, when I want to do my own grating. and I loved your Mom’s idea of a Kitchen gadget yard/garage sale. That would be really cool for the neighborhood or school.

    Reply
  14. Mel Ham

     /  September 14, 2011

    Last picture…the guy looks like a character that I see on dishes and bread trays at marshalls. There is also a character like that on cheese spreaders and wine bottle corks…would the three prongs on the bottom fit in a wine bottle…wait I know..maybe he decorates a cheese ball..you know those things that you can insert into a cheese ball at christmas…like a candy cane, christmas tree or a snow man to pretty it up…you are all set for a meal where you serve boiled eggs, grapefruit and cheese balls..the grater will miss out on the action because it’s not complete. Your comment on the spoon made me laugh out loud..

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  September 14, 2011

      i’m feeling good now. i’m going to purchase a cheese ball on saturday.

      Reply
  15. Hey, Danny – Anna is rite. The yellow ‘thingey’ is a little gift that Tupperware used to give out as a game gift. Don’t try this as an egg seperator as the whole egg will just go rite thru. It’s to take the hot hard-boiled eggs out of the pot. Yep, I’m w/ you – just dump the water (and the eggs) in the sink! Evie

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  September 15, 2011

      I wouldn’t separate an egg – I don’t think I know what to do with the parts!

      Reply
  16. Barbara

     /  September 15, 2011

    Careful, he may even suggest(strongly) that you bring the dinner when you come like he did me:)

    Reply
  17. Mary DK

     /  September 17, 2011

    The weird little man is placed on top of a block of cheese you set out to serve. You hold it rather than the cheese when you cut a piece of cheese to eat. Much more sanitary. Looks like you have answers to most everything else. I have never seen the yellow spoon item.

    Reply
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