It Comes with Age

Posted by Danny

I’m getting older – a  birthday coming up this week.  In ways its difficult to believe I’ll be 46.  But at times it feels like I’m 78.  The changes in my hair are an indicator of my movement toward the AARP.

The most random hairs are popping up in the most unusual places around my being.  These aren’t normal hairs.  These are hairs on steroids!

They’re hanging out of my nose.  They’re poking out of and growing around the outside of my ears, one random piece at a time.  One day I found a rogue brow hanging down into my eye.  I discovered it when I thought I had a piece of dust in my eyeball.  But it was not dirt.  A strand from my eyebrow curled across my lid, through my lash and was resting on my cornea.  His lone brother was growing out of a pore on my left shoulder.   

When one pops up in my nose, I know I have to trim.  I’ve not had luck with my blunt end scissors – they can’t cut butter and the thicker ends won’t easily fit into my nostril.  Sticking a sharp pair of scissors into my nasal passage freaks me out!  I’m afraid a kid is going to run into the room, bump up against me and the blade is going to get shoved up into my cerebrum.

So, I shut and lock the bathroom door and pray that there won’t be an earthquake during my olfactory organ grooming session.

The grays are becoming more and more apparent, especially on my sideburns (the fact that I still think sideburns look cool is yet another indicator of my destiny).

This summer while on the beach, I noticed that about 25% of the hair on my chest weren’t brown – I feel like a silverback gorilla – except in the front.

I’m having to get up 8 minutes early each day to make sure I’m all cleaned up.  It’s like checking for ticks.  In a few years, I’m going to look like Cousin It. 

It’s as if I am taking hair fertilizer.  Do they sneak that in the aspirin I ingest each morning to ensure that I don’t have a stroke?  I guess if my body gets covered with hair I’ll be warmer.  My circulation is slowing down so that could come in handy.

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7 Comments

  1. Mom

     /  September 26, 2011

    Now you can laugh at yourself instead of your parents, which has been one of your pastimes through the years. Welcome to the “oldies club” and Happy Birthday! Age just makes us better. Remember that as you pull out those hairs. Those are old age badges of courage. And you deserve a few after the past two years.

    Reply
  2. Dave K

     /  September 26, 2011

    When I was 10 years old I knew my grandfather was an ancient relic because of the curly gray hairs that grew in his ear. He was about my age now and mine has been sprouting for a while. I am trying to figure out how I can comb it into my sideburns – same color and it might add body. Don’t waste a good thing.

    Reply
  3. Sarah LF

     /  September 26, 2011

    All men 35+ need a nose hair trimmer. This one has good reviews and would make a great birthday gift. http://amzn.to/hamgothair

    Reply
  4. Aunt Susan

     /  September 26, 2011

    At least one of your kids didn’t announce out of the blue, that I had white stuff in my hair. And he’s only mine during the day! Of course today he announced I had pretty fingernails. since this always comes during math am I doing something wrong?

    Reply
  5. One year my wife gave me a nasal “roto rooter” for Christmas. She thought it was a perfect gift. Somehow that wasn’t on my wish list. I did get the message though.

    Reply
  6. I found my dad’s hair trimmer when I was in 4th grade. I tried to cut my bangs with it 😦

    Reply

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