Posted by Danny
I’m getting older – a birthday coming up this week. In ways its difficult to believe I’ll be 46. But at times it feels like I’m 78. The changes in my hair are an indicator of my movement toward the AARP.
The most random hairs are popping up in the most unusual places around my being. These aren’t normal hairs. These are hairs on steroids!
They’re hanging out of my nose. They’re poking out of and growing around the outside of my ears, one random piece at a time. One day I found a rogue brow hanging down into my eye. I discovered it when I thought I had a piece of dust in my eyeball. But it was not dirt. A strand from my eyebrow curled across my lid, through my lash and was resting on my cornea. His lone brother was growing out of a pore on my left shoulder.
When one pops up in my nose, I know I have to trim. I’ve not had luck with my blunt end scissors – they can’t cut butter and the thicker ends won’t easily fit into my nostril. Sticking a sharp pair of scissors into my nasal passage freaks me out! I’m afraid a kid is going to run into the room, bump up against me and the blade is going to get shoved up into my cerebrum.
So, I shut and lock the bathroom door and pray that there won’t be an earthquake during my olfactory organ grooming session.
The grays are becoming more and more apparent, especially on my sideburns (the fact that I still think sideburns look cool is yet another indicator of my destiny).
This summer while on the beach, I noticed that about 25% of the hair on my chest weren’t brown – I feel like a silverback gorilla – except in the front.
I’m having to get up 8 minutes early each day to make sure I’m all cleaned up. It’s like checking for ticks. In a few years, I’m going to look like Cousin It.
It’s as if I am taking hair fertilizer. Do they sneak that in the aspirin I ingest each morning to ensure that I don’t have a stroke? I guess if my body gets covered with hair I’ll be warmer. My circulation is slowing down so that could come in handy.