Sunday Post 43: Fear or Hope

Posted by Danny

Last week was one of the saddest weeks I’ve had in a while.  Who knows why?  It could be any number of things.

When I get into these down moods, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking.  That may be what gets me in trouble.

This week, it has dawned on me that too often I’m choosing a life of fear.  I’m choosing fear over hope.  I’m choosing thanklessness over gratefulness.

I worry about life when the kids grow up versus enjoying them today.  Instead of being grateful for my health, I continue to question why Lisa got cancer.  I dread the holidays – instead of celebrating what they stand for.  My fears can rob me of living today.

I was at practice for A Christmas Carol last week.  The Ghost of Christmas Past is a young girl, about six years old.  She’s adorable. 

In the scene, Scrooge has been exposed to remembrances of Christmases long ago.  And at one point, he realizes that the woman he loved when he was young is now dead.  He says, “It seems just like yesterday that we were together.”  Time has moved on, and yet he has nothing to show for it.

The little spirit finally encourages Scrooge to say Merry Christmas.  He struggles to get the words out of his mouth. 

Her message?  Scrooge is responsible for his own happiness.  Only he can make himself joyful.  And, I guess, only he can rob himself of the same.

Last week, I allowed myself to be Scrooge.  I bah humbugged life.  And life, I know all too well, is short.

So I’m going to choose hope.  And I’m going to be grateful.  Or at least I’m going to try.

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10 Comments

  1. lori huber

     /  November 11, 2011

    Yep, All of life is an attitude and gratefulness is such a wonderful thing to teach our kids.

    Reply
  2. Pam

     /  November 11, 2011

    Thanks “Danny” for your raw honesty. I lost my 29 year old daughter in 2007 to ovarian cancer and I share many of these same feelings. Thanks for reminding me to choose hope and gratitude. I will keep you and your family in my heart this holiday.

    Reply
  3. Gratitude is strenuous sometimes, but always, always worth the work. Glad you’re choosing hope 🙂

    Reply
  4. Susan Disher

     /  November 11, 2011

    One of my “go to” verses from Lamentations 3

    The thought of my suffering…is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this.

    The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore i will hope in Him.”

    Still daring to hope…every morning….

    Susan Disher

    Reply
  5. Wren

     /  November 11, 2011

    Dearest Bruce ~

    Robert & I have had many talks & shared some real lows and tough moments with you & many times I have felt that I’ve said the wrong things to you & even the children. But, what I really want to share today is that if you truly believe (which I feel that you do) that God promises us an eternal life that you are called to acknowledge that “death is behind” Lisa. Just like my child, Sarah, who died almost 13 years ago to the day, I had to work hard to get to a point where I could get up & either chose JOY or continued to stay in my grief. I’m not saying that you are stuck in grief, but Lisa Permar Ham expected you to live your life after she died ~ and with joy. Joy for your girls and all that you have now & all that you had with her. 39 years was not long…just like two days was not long to hold my first baby. But, God has His people and children in His arms & they are at home with “perfect bodies and no pain or suffering.” “Jesus wept” when he brought Lazarus back from the dead. Do you believe that God prepared a place for Lisa? I do & I’m so convicted that God intends for you to chose JOY and do your very best every single day ~ like all parents ~ to rear those precious girls in the best way that you humanly can. And that means thanking God for His sacrifice, for your life, Lisa’s life, and the life of your girls. Get busy living & get on your knees, and thank God for all that you have! You are an abundantly blessed man & you have much to do & give to your girls and others. Share it, Bruce. Share your JOY! It’s there, and we are counting on you to find it ~ LPH style! We love you & your family so very dearly, and we faithfully pray for you. May the peace, hope, strength and grace of our living Lord be with you always ~ but especially today, xx, +

    Wren & Robert

    Reply
  6. Aunt Susan

     /  November 13, 2011

    Well ist sounds like you are moving forward in your growing and grieving. It’s hard to do and we take “back steps” but the forward ones are the ones that are important. I think that Lisa pushed you to do “Carol” so you could see and learn from the sprits. Even though she’s not physicaly with you, I think she’s hanging around to see that you get it done and you are.

    Reply
  7. One step at a time, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Life is a journey/marathon, not a 50 yard dash. We live and learn and grow. Some times we stop and start digging a hole. It is the down times that make it hard to climb back out of our hole. But we must continue on. Stop digging, put down the shovel, climb out and put one foot in front of the other. Be grateful/thankful for anything or everything even the little things! It is perspective. Some say don’t look back. I say if you do, remember where you are at then look back to see where you came from. Continue looking ahead, it is the end and how we finish that counts! Run as to win the prize!

    Reply
  8. kelly

     /  November 23, 2011

    Bruce, We dont know one another, but I understand much of what you are going through. I lost my husband nine months ago and have two elementary school boys. I am learning that while the Lord didnt take my husband at age 41, He will redeem His loss and draw us all closer to Him in the meantime. Our God is SO much bigger than we know and He has so much for us. I agree with Wren and Robert, choose to see what He has for you. You have much life to live and much for which to be thankful. Life is so full of blessing if we’ll just choose to open our eyes and ask Him to show us what is next. He, and it, is awesome to behold. May the Lord bless you beyond all that you could have imagined this season. It will be a special time for you if you’ll allow Him into your heart even more.

    Reply

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