Sunday Post 44: Not Enough

On occasion, one of the girls will just break down, fully consumed by the loss of their mom. 

When this occurs, I get as physically close as I possibly can, wrapping my arms around them – as if my presence on the outside can shield the grief on their inside. 

I kiss their cheeks – I’d give them a million if I could remove their pain. 

I always start crying myself – a signal that they aren’t alone in their grief. 

I do all I can to take it away, but I can’t.  Even I am not enough.

When they need someone to talk to about girly things, I am not enough.

When they need someone to attend the mother-daughter tea, I am not enough.

When they have to go to the after-school program because I have to work, I am not enough.

On Mother’s Day, I am not enough.

I am their dad.  I do a good job.  I love them unconditionally for who they are.  I have an incredible relationship with my girls.  But sometimes, I am simply not enough.

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8 Comments

  1. Sharon

     /  November 20, 2011

    But you are their new “enough”! What you do to respond to their pain is enough! Keep it up big daddy!

    Reply
  2. Wren

     /  November 20, 2011

    While there are no words to share to ease the girl’s and your pain, please know that any time they need (especially Lucy) a “mom” that I would be so very grateful to join her. She knows that I miss my daughter in heaven and said that she would like to let me be there for her ~ and her for me some times. She’s a beautiful soul & I’m always available to lift her up & be present for her. XOX, +

    Reply
  3. Charlotte Gregory

     /  November 20, 2011

    You really are more than enough because you are the best dad a girl could ever have. You can’t be Lisa, but I assure you that you are there for them in ways that lots of dads just couldn’t be.

    Reply
  4. Aunt Susan

     /  November 20, 2011

    You are enough, you can’t do the mom things, but if you call in advance I will be happy to come up. You give those girls so much more than you realize and Lisa did too. when they all look back they will say it was hard, but it was full of love and understanding.
    You are so much stronger than you think. Dont’ ever be ashamed or afraid to cry, it’s always a cleansing healing.

    Reply
  5. Sympathy.
    I think “Aunt Susan” is right…when they look back, you will have been enough, somehow, in spite of it all.

    Reply
  6. owen widman

     /  November 20, 2011

    My heart aches for you-you are in my thots & prayers-owen widman.

    Reply
  7. Mel ham

     /  November 21, 2011

    Enough is what you are. Enough is what we have. You will not know that this measurement has been fullfilled until one day one of those precious girls tells you dad remember when…you were always this….you always did that…It’s hard to have the confidence that you are doing it right as only one half of the equation. I am on the side lines as an auxillary player. (Put me in coach or I’ll take the hint whereever I am needed or wanted) but speaking as a daughter and a mother, You’re a remarkable father, friend, singing companion, jokester, and good man. You were picked for this daunting job because God knew of you gifts. Just like the gift of recognizing what enough is…You are not Lisa…Lisa knew and knows and is abundantly thankful and at peace that it is you Bruce and no other. Love much Mel

    Reply
  8. What a beautiful and honest post. You may not feel like enough, but I bet your girls think you’re just right.

    Reply

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