Posted by Danny
In 1994, we purchased our dream house here in Raleigh. It was built in 1955 and needed some updates. But it had character – a high priority for us.
It was also about triple the size of our first house , a 900 square footer. That house had one bathroom and the ceiling slanted down behind the toilet. If I peed standing up, I had to lean backward or I’d bump my head. I can’t count how many mornings I woke up with facial bruising.
We settled in our house after ripping up the carpet, replacing the kitchen floor and painting every wall. Although it could have used more work, that’s all we could afford at the time. And we elated with our purchase.
About four years later, we were ready to update the original structure and added a bathroom, laundry room and renovated the kitchen. Boy, were we happy! We now had the perfect house for a growing family.
But…two years later, we added a large front porch that wrapped around the side of the house – our outdoor haven. Was that all?
Nah. In 2007, we added an addition on the back with a family room, master suite and an outdoor fireplace on the new back deck. Our vision of a dream house had expanded.
After living in our home for several years in its completed state, we grew accustom to the space and the amenities it brought. The 2,500 square foot, 1955 home, with chopped up rooms, was merely a pleasant memory. It served it’s purpose then, but it wouldn’t do now.
Marriage is sort of like that. At one point in life, I was comfortable by myself. I liked me and wasn’t reliant on any one person for my happiness. As I fell in love with Lisa, our lives became intertwined – our identities were built on our connection to each other. We were one.
Now I’m trying to figure out how to become comfortable with the life that used to be enough. It’s like a hurricane came through and blew off the back addition and our grand front porch, leaving the original structure to live in. But not only is the structure now too small, the hurricane blew the roof off, ripped a hole in the kitchen floor and left debris all over the yard.
It’s going to take a lot of work to get the house back in order. It’s painful to figure out how to be comfortable back in a house that’s 1,000 square feet smaller. And I really liked the front porch! It made the house quaint and cozy. It was my favorite place to hang out.
I think I’ve patched the roof. Now I’ve got to clean up the debris so I can begin to get comfortable again in a house that used to be enough.