Posted by Danny
Last Sunday night I was tired when I hit the bed about 1 am. I think that I’ve actually been handling this second holiday season fairly well; but not that night.
As I crawled in my bed, I had the urge to hold something Lisa. That usually means her squishy pillow, the one filled with feathers. She loved that thing – used it every night and often took it with us on trips.
I held on to it like I would the handles on a roller coaster. Every fiber of my being was aching to hold her. Even my toes missed Lisa.
I prayed hard – “Lord, let this be a dream. It just can’t be real. When I wake up, let her be here. She won’t believe this nightmare. It’s feels so real but maybe I’m just imagining she’s gone.” All this absurd thinking, and I’m almost 2 years out from my loss.
On Monday morning, she wasn’t there. Fortunately, my intense longing had passed.
And that, for those who have not experienced it, is grief. You handle it one day, and the next you can’t.