Piggy Pressure

Posted by Danny

The pig pressure is mounting.  Be strong – be strong.

The week before Christmas I had a sitter in for the girls.  I thought the sitter was my friend – we go to church together.  She is not –

Apparently when I called her to stay with the girls, she began thinking about a way to entertain them while I was out.  She reads our blog and had talked with DJ about the girls’ desire for an animal – specifically their preoccupation with a swine.

Rather than watch a nice G rated movie or play Monopoly, this calculating caregiver devised a plan that would both entertain the girls and support their oinkish objectives.

They spent the first hour of their time together drawing and cutting out pigs – there had to be fifty of them.  And on the back of each one, a message was written that would endorse the adoption of a sow.

The first piggy cut out I found was under the milk jug in the fridge.  The cute pink head, complete with snout, stuck to the bottom shelf.  I picked it up with curiosity – turned it over and found this inscription: We will help! 

I didn’t think much of it, besides, it was 1 am and I was hungry.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that there were pigs strewn about the house from my soap dish, to the mailbox, to my favorite pair of boxer shorts.  I even discovered one the following morning tucked under the windshield wiper, flapping in the wind as we drove down Capital Boulevard to church.

I’ll have to admit, the marketing campaign was compelling.  Their well thought out angle was clearly crafted by this woman who heads the communications department for a local nonprofit. 

  • Pigs teach responsibility.
  • They’re good for the environment.
  • Dads + Pigs = Love.
  • No extra vaccuming needed (hairless).
  • Coolest pet ever.
  • Jesse will build the fence.
  • Great blog posts.
  • We’ll buy him a bowtie collar.

All well and good, but I think the icing on the cake came when I opened my stocking on Christmas morning.  In the very top was a note in cursive:

Dear Danny, get the pig.  Santa

If I took creativity into account when considering the purchase of a family pet, we would already have one. 

I love my nutty kids but can’t figure out where they get that trait.

Leave a comment


  1. Kim

     /  January 9, 2012

    BE STRONG DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    It’s something else to take care of!
    Sorry kids…

  2. Darcy

     /  January 9, 2012

    In my defense, I AM your friend. I could have piled your girls in my car and taken them to some nefarious club downtown. Or I could have taught them Dirty Monopoly. Instead, yes, the creative juices were indeed flowing. I witnessed leadership, comaraderie, team work, compliments for artistic endeavors (please refer to Blog Post #51 – not happening!). The only boxers I saw were hanging on your front door wreath and yes, I will be using your endorsement of my marketing skills in my next cover letter. Oink, oink!

  3. Charlotte

     /  January 9, 2012

    How long do pigs live? I can see it now – all the kids off to college and you and the adorable elderly pig cuddling on the couch. While I do think pets are great for kids and do teach responsibility, the Ham track record with living things is poor at best. If that pig lives anywhere but predominantly inside it is going to have a sad, cold, lonely existence. As far as I recall, out of sight = out of mind when it comes to past pets in your house. When the girls get tired of the pig because it’s too much work and not as fun as they thought it would be, I’ll move it out here to Colorado where it can live out its days playing with Deacon and Echo. Then you guys can come visit it, and me.
    I say stand your ground. You know in your heart the Hams aren’t animal people.

  4. Melanie Walker

     /  January 9, 2012

    Get the pig already. We all want to play with it, and then go home.

  5. Sounds like a pork-barrel project. Sorry just had to ham it up. Oops the link made me do it. Don’t get piggy with it. This is not spam.

    • Wayne

       /  January 9, 2012

      Harold, you’re being over exposed to this household. Their nuttiness is rubbing off the readers now. Wayne.

  6. Aunt Susan

     /  January 9, 2012

    Nutty? who? and Jesse will build the fence? ??????
    I really do like Darcy, when can I meet her?
    andI really like Melanie’s idea, we play and then all go home.
    Guess what all of your future gifts will be!!!!!!


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