Posted by Danny
Target run today. Happens about four times each week at $100 a pop.
Our primary purpose for heading to our favorite shopping venue was to purchase hair products for DJ. Apparently, she is out of all the items that she needs to tame her curly quaff.
I don’t really understand girl hair. I use Suave – it cost $1.79. That’s it. If I run out of shampoo, I use soap. If it’s good enough for the hair under my arms, I don’t see why it can’t do the job on my head.
So DJ headed to the hair product isle while I nabbed a large container of liquid Up and Up laundry detergent. When I got back to the hygiene area, I realized DJ had gone back to the front of the store to get a handheld shopping basket. I wondered why she felt she needed assistance carrying a bottle of shampoo to the register.
And then I found out.
First she picked out shampoo – it was not Suave. It cost over $5, and it didn’t even have the conditioner built-in. “Why don’t you buy this 2 in 1 – the shampoo and conditioner are baked in there together and it’s only $2.99.”
“Dad. That stuff doesn’t work. It’s cheap.”
“It works on my hair.”
“Look at yourself.”
Her second purchase was indeed conditioner. The same kind her mother used. Another $5. But it does smell good.
I began doing curls with the laundry detergent, I used to use cans of baked beans to workout. This was an improvement.
I could tell this wasn’t going to be a quick trip. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4…
“DJ, what are you looking for?”
“Something to defrizz my hair.”
“I sort of like it curly.”
“Curly and frizzy are two different things Dad. Why are you exercising in Target with laundry detergent? Seriously?”
“I’m bored. Can I help you? What’s that bottle for?”
“It holds the curls in place.”
“The defrizzy ones?”
“How many products do you use on your head?”
“If you continue to put four bottles full of chemicals in your hair every day, you’re not going to have hair. Do you think your sisters are going to do the same when they get older?”
“I’m going to have to sell the car to pay for your hair. Do you mind riding the city bus to Target.”
“I like buses.”
“Are you buying a comb?”
“Yep. Brushes make your hair frizz more.”
“I used to carry a comb in my back pocket – right there with my wallet.”
“All the guys had them. I work with a guy who still does. Combs his hair every time he walks into the office.”
“Why do you own both a curling iron and a flat-iron? I’d think you’d need one or the other. If you want part curly and part straight, just straighten the part you don’t want curly.”
“Didn’t mom used to call you a moron?”
“She was right.”
When we got to the checkout counter, the cashier announced the total: $80 and change.
“About half of this is hair stuff.”
“I have a lot of hair.”
And so the story goes.