Straight or Curly?

Posted by Danny

Target run today.  Happens about four times each week at $100 a pop.

Our primary purpose for heading to our favorite shopping venue was to purchase hair products for DJ.  Apparently, she is out of all the items that she needs to tame her curly quaff.

I don’t really understand girl hair.  I use Suave – it cost $1.79.  That’s it.  If I run out of shampoo, I use soap.  If it’s good enough for the hair under my arms, I don’t see why it can’t do the job on my head.

So DJ headed to the hair product isle while I nabbed a large container of liquid Up and Up laundry detergent.  When I got back to the hygiene area, I realized DJ had gone back to the front of the store to get a handheld shopping basket.  I wondered why she felt she needed assistance carrying a bottle of shampoo to the register. 

And then I found out.

First she picked out shampoo – it was not Suave.  It cost over $5, and it didn’t even have the conditioner built-in.  “Why don’t you buy this 2 in 1 – the shampoo and conditioner are baked in there together and it’s only $2.99.”

“Dad.  That stuff doesn’t work.  It’s cheap.”

“It works on my hair.”

“Look at yourself.”

Her second purchase was indeed conditioner.  The same kind her mother used.  Another $5.  But it does smell good.

I began doing curls with the laundry detergent, I used to use cans of baked beans to workout.  This was an improvement.

  I could tell this wasn’t going to be a quick trip.  1 – 2 – 3 – 4…

“DJ, what are you looking for?”

“Something to defrizz my hair.”

“I sort of like it curly.”

“Curly and frizzy are two different things Dad.  Why are you exercising in Target with laundry detergent?  Seriously?”

“I’m bored.  Can I help you?  What’s that bottle for?”

“It holds the curls in place.”

“The defrizzy ones?”


“How many products do you use on your head?”

“Usually four.”

“If you continue to put four bottles full of chemicals in your hair every day, you’re not going to have hair.  Do you think your sisters are going to do the same when they get older?”


“I’m going to have to sell the car to pay for your hair.  Do you mind riding the city bus to Target.”

“I like buses.”

“Are you buying a comb?”

“Yep.  Brushes make your hair frizz more.”

“I used to carry a comb in my back pocket – right there with my wallet.”

“That’s weird.”

“All the guys had them.  I work with a guy who still does.  Combs his hair every time he walks into the office.”

“Still weird.”

“Why do you own both a curling iron and a flat-iron?  I’d think you’d need one or the other.  If you want part curly and part straight, just straighten the part you don’t want curly.”

“Didn’t mom used to call you a moron?”


“She was right.”

When we got to the checkout counter, the cashier announced the total:  $80 and change. 

“About half of this is hair stuff.”

“I have a lot of hair.”

And so the story goes.



Leave a comment


  1. Mel ham

     /  January 18, 2012

    both styles are beautiful. I hate to tell you this…I’m a low maintanence woman, I think. Meaning I used to do my own color until I realized gray doesn’t color as well. I will brag that I have trimmed my entire yard of box woods with Loreal 283 color doing it’s thing and with my cell phone alarm on…others might say that explains alot. Not so much now..someone does it for me but I degress. Being low maintenance, I use a defrizz before drying…ceramic brush…(both shampoo and sleek conditioner)…then finish with a glosser ( I wonder if this isn’t vaseline watered down…DJ won’t buy that though)…DJ is blessed to have two options. The curls are ringlets…but when straight it’s very trendy and uptown. Raising girls you should look at it as an education, appreciation for all the prep we go through for the final’s what makes us girls. They are letting you see the little man behind the curtain pulling all those magical beauty tricks behind the scenes…You have two more to go…and both stephanie and michelle will add to the run for the money…two for the show. Love much mel

  2. I despise hair. I curse my genes everyday for giving me hair all over my body. Someone needs to tell my body that it isn’t 1974 anymore.

  3. Leslie Davis

     /  January 18, 2012

    Brad uses more products than that to tame his mop- maybe he can borrow some from DJ

  4. Mom

     /  January 18, 2012

    Aren’t girls wonderful? Just imagine if you had to worry about all of this each day. When would you have time to do curls with the laundry detergent?

  5. Sarah LF

     /  January 18, 2012

    I never went bathing suit shopping with my mom as a child. She would only buy the cheap suits. My dad would take me and I’d pick out the suit that I felt best in…the one that made me feel pretty. Sometimes it was the most expensive one, sometimes not. What I learned from that was sometimes you spend a little more to make your child feel like they look their best. And as a woman, that is especially important. Hair can be directly related to self-esteem. So sell the car. In the long run it really is worth it!

  6. Jean

     /  January 18, 2012

    Suave at $1.79, huh? And if you run out of shampoo, you use soap.
    Oh, brother!! You and my hubby, twins separated at birth… LOL

  7. Pam

     /  January 18, 2012

    Bruce, you wear your hair everywhere every day. So spend the money! Wait until they start coloring their hair!

  8. Meghan

     /  January 18, 2012

    This is an absolutely entertaining piece of work. I am the long time friend and Hairdresser! Of the lovely and talented Ann Davis. Dads with dad hair will simply never understand the teen or the hair products but…. I promise, Dad, that if you refused the target splurge, you would regret it. The straight hair does look lovely but when I finally come down to visit my dear friend I would love to also make this role model (big sister) live her curls!!! 😉 I will hook you up with a haircut to reshape the curly do to ensure it won’t be a “don’t”! Good job dad. Very proud you trusted your daughter. ($1.00 shampoo kinda scares me unless it’s a .5 oz sample of something other than pert or sauve ;/ )

    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 18, 2012

      We’d love to see you! Oh, and Pert is also a good option – especially the 2 in 1.

  9. Straight or curly…she’s a beautiful young lady either way. My husband has curly hair…and tries to straighten it. I have hair that’s straight as a pin and got perms for years. Isn’t that the way it goes?!

  10. Wayne

     /  January 18, 2012

    Obviously she didn’t get her hair from her grandmother who spends a whole lot more money and time getting hers curled. Most of the time our life revolves around her hair. It’s either too short or needs to be cut, too dark and needs to be highlighted, too limp and needs a permanent, too clean to hold curl, too dirty to hold curl, too thin, etc. but we will all have to agree that it is worth it in the end because she always looks great! Just pay the bills and enjoy the results…and that is 50 years of experience talking. Grandpa

  11. Enjoyed your post! It made me think of this one:

  12. Mom

     /  January 18, 2012

    You passed with flying colors, Wayne. Boy, have you learned a lot about women the past 50 years.. There’s hope for your son. His brother learned long ago from having a wife and three girls to deal with. It really is hard for you guys, isn’t it? You are all so wash and wear. I am envious.

  13. Aunt Susan

     /  January 18, 2012

    The oldest is how old? and your just now finding out about hair? Where have you been?
    do check out their bathrooms and take note of all the products along the bath!
    Hi to your folks, love “hearing” from them!
    swish swish goes the washing machine!!

    • Jean

       /  January 19, 2012

      Love hearing from you too, Susan. All of the family (including our Mel who comments regularly) has to work very hard to keep this man straight. The job’s too big for his girls by themselves..

  14. Wren

     /  January 18, 2012

    Fact ~ the average woman uses four products on her hair. If it’s thick, spend the $30 for a blow dry & it will last for days…and it always looks better on day three! (also saves water, product purchases, time & the salon ladies can teach her life skills…all day long)! Even hockey players go to salons! Sat next to “him” at the color bar before his “Hall of Fame” induction. PS hubby loves Sauve too!

  15. Lynn Moss

     /  January 19, 2012

    And as beautiful as her mother, regardless of straight or curly…

  16. Aunt Susan

     /  January 20, 2012

    Hey Jean, are you sure the girls are trying to keep him straight? Sometimes I have to wonder, they do such a good job of keeping him on the run!

    Danny, do tell the “artist” , I can’t keep the blog names straight, I framed her calendar art and it looks are me as I type!

  17. Kim Grant

     /  February 12, 2012

    How many times do I have to tell you that us curly-haired girls are special? You cannot gt the good stuff at target. Tell DJ to look out for a care package!

    • Danny Tanner

       /  February 12, 2012

      I can’t remember what to and what not to buy her. All I know is that nothing is cheap!


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