Sunday Post 58: Fight For It

Posted by Danny

I hear about more and more folks who are struggling with marriage.  There is no doubt, it is hard.  But it’s a good, good thing – if you put the time and effort into it.

Most of us get married early.  We aren’t grown – we’re not mature.  We don’t know what we want.  And yet, we establish our communication pattern with our spouse and it never seems to change. 

It’s sort of like your parents.  I’m 46, and I still like to call my mom when I’m sick.  Like it was in grade school, I  know the conversation – it’s been the same for more than four decades.  She’ll empathize, encourage me to go to the doctor, tell me how I need to take better care of myself and remind me that I’m handsome.  I’ll exaggerate my symptoms, assume I have cancer, and complain about the cost of medical care.

Hell, I don’t like to drink in front of my parents.  I couldn’t when I was 17, and I don’t want to now.  They might put me on restriction or something.

We get like that with our spouse.  We each grow up, but our relationship stays the same.  Why is that?  Why is it so hard to communicate?  Yeah, it’s uncomfortable to tell someone things need to change and grow, but it’s also uncomfortable to live in a miserable relationship. 

Lisa and I developed some stale communication habits that we really had to muscle through.  But when we found the courage to express our thoughts, frustrations and needs, and when the other was willing to listen, WOW! 

When she died, our marriage was at its strongest.  Not because we didn’t have issues; there were times we wanted to pummel each other.  But we refused to live with that uncomfortable silence.  We both knew when things weren’t right – so we manned up and dealt with them.

I lost my spouse, but not until she died.  Boy am I grateful we continually worked on our marriage.  It was worth every minute we put into it.

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  1. Susan Disher

     /  February 19, 2012

    “When she died, our marriage was at its strongest.” What a legacy of marriage to leave to your girls….

  2. Pam D.

     /  February 19, 2012

    I so agree…


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