Sunday Post 67: Once, In A Very Blue Moon

Posted by Danny

I don’t exactly know what triggered it.  Maybe it was Easter.  Perhaps it’s her 42nd birthday this coming Wednesday.  Or maybe it was Jesse plunking out one of her favorite songs today on the piano, Once In A Very Blue Moon, by Nancy Griffith.  I’ve listened to it ten times in the past ten hours and every time I do, I cry.  Not just shedding a tear sort of crying, it’s the deep in your chest “I miss you” tears.

For some reason, I’ve fallen back today.  And that’s OK.  Makes me think of her – the things I liked.

She had the most beautiful voice, and yet I was the one who sang in the car.  But on occasion, a song like Nancy’s Blue Moon would gently begin, and she couldn’t stop herself.  I listened intently – hanging on every word.  It was one of those few moments in your life when you really stop and think about something that you absolutely love about someone else. 

Every time, every single time.

Her fingernails – I miss them too.  Always manicured, always strong.

I’d lay in bed, curled up beside her, and she’d scratch my head from neck to crown.  If I close my eyes, I can almost feel it.  That one slight movement of hand – love, security, warmth.

The facial expressions, seldom captured on camera, but still in my mind.  Occasionally they’re worn by one of the girls.

I was moving forward – a steady clip toward healing.  But once, in a very blue moon, I get knocked down to my knees again.

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11 Comments

  1. Pam Daniels

     /  April 15, 2012

    I so get it…I’m on my knees, too. Taking one day at a time…

    Reply
  2. Aunt Susan

     /  April 15, 2012

    Ah, so is grief. You are experiencing that, and handling it well. I too have a hard time dealing with it being her birthday this week. Life can be so unfair.
    Be strong, and cry as it let’s the pain out.,

    Reply
  3. Thank you. Your powerful words help keep me grounded and to appreciate everything that I have. The small ways that I impact my children on a daily basis will be more powerful to them then I realize most days.

    I was “recommended” to your blog through WordPress, and I can’t say that I’ve ever been happier with their choices. Your honesty is a rare gem in today’s world, and I thank you for the experience.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  April 15, 2012

      I really appreciate you reading our blog. I hope one day to make a real difference through my experiences.

      Reply
  4. What a beautiful song! I can’t fathom what you’ve been through. Just know you’re not alone.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  April 16, 2012

      It’s good to know that there are others out there – and I don’t think anyone has it easy their entire life. It’s just my season.

      Reply
  5. April

     /  April 16, 2012

    Didn’t know this song – now on my favorite IPod list. These remembering times are really a blessing; painful, exhausting but at the same time how else are we to handle such immense grief – it’s another way of keeping our memories alive in our hearts. Each wonderful day is to be cherished and the crushing pain that comes around the corner – cherished as well. One of the sweetest gifts I ever received from my daughter is a picture of a heron trying to swallow a frog – the caption: Never Ever Give Up. When the tears need to be emptied go for it!

    Reply
  6. Kelly

     /  April 17, 2012

    Danny-

    I buried my husband one year exactly after the death of your bride. I know your grief and so appreciate your determination to live life with and for your kids in her absence. I have two young boys and we miss John deeply. Last night at dinner, my oldest even prayed for “mom, dad, John and Will” liike we used to end prayers at the table before he died. And then he cried. So poignant, honest, and true. And then we went on to eat and have a lovely meal outside.

    Thank you for your honesty and example to have fun. The boys and I desperately need that example in ur lives. I grieve with and for you. Kelly

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  April 17, 2012

      Stephanie had a little moment tonight – but these are much less frequent than a year ago. It does get easier – but damn, sometimes it knocks you on your butt. Stay strong. You’ll make it.

      Reply

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