Hoo-ha

Posted by Danny

Stephanie came home last week after sitting through a presentation about reproduction at school. 

Dad:  “How was your field trip today to the Poe Center Stephanie?”

Stephanie:  “OMG.  It was awful.  They asked for volunteers to stand up and read from this book and the boys and girls were in the auditorium together.  It was so embarrassing to talk about penises and vaginas with the boys in the room.”

Jesse:  “What’s a vagina?”

Stephanie:  “You know what that is – it’s the girl’s private part.”

Jesse:  “Oh.  I thought that was your hoo-ha.”

Thank God he isn’t a doctor.  I can see it now:  “So, you’re experiencing some stinging in your vajayjay?  Let me take a look.”  Or, “It looks like a case of WD – Wee-wee dysfunction.  I got a little blue pill that will take care of that.“

We gave DJ “The Book” the summer after fifth grade.  I was eager to lead her through a thorough discussion.  As she read, I hovered, “Got any questions?  Understand that drawing?”

She was mortified. 

And Lisa?  Cool as a cucumber. 

“Leave this to me you goober.  You’re going to scar her for life.  Give her some space. “

Stephanie isn’t so lucky.  I had some immediate follow-up after dinner –

I remember Calista McGougan from my high school – Movin’ McGougan we called her.  She had a big personality and a couple of other big things too.    

She was the first girl I asked to “go with me” – it was 8th grade.  She gave me my first real kiss in the woods behind her house, her little brother and sister watching from behind an oak tree.  She clearly knew what she was doing, and I appreciated her tutelage.  We grew apart in high school – but apparently she grew closer to a number of other guys.

I’m hopeful that full disclosure, honesty and a father who works hard to help them understand how great they are will keep my girls from seeking acceptance in the wrong places.  And if that doesn’t work, there’s always Jesse to guide the way.

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4 Comments

  1. Good luck Danny! My granddaughter knew more at 12 than I did when I got married 40 years ago. Raising kids is a full time job and I pray for you and what’s ahead. Sounds like you have everything under control and with kids these days, honesty is the best route!!

    Reply
  2. Pam

     /  April 25, 2012

    How hysterical. Love your honesty with your girls and with us. I love it when I open my inbox and see another post from The Real Full House. Thanks for another smile.

    Reply
  3. Mel Ham

     /  April 25, 2012

    oh the horror…reading a book with body parts out loud…who asked them to do that? I don’t think i would even be comfortable doing that…yes in front of cam or chad…I couldn’t even read something like that in front of GAGA. I don’t blame stephanie..her horror is warranted. That kind of exercise really encourages openess. I would have hyperventilated…turned red..talk about scarring. Past the age of 5th grade you get the idea that the friends have already gotten to them…and they know more than you could possibly tell…then the privacy kicks in…

    Reply
  4. Aunt Susan

     /  April 25, 2012

    Oh yeah, go with Jesse. I wouldn’t worry, go ask Aunt Sallie, she has all the answers.

    Reply

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