Big Bliss

Every afternoon of my childhood, I’d come home from school and watch an episode of Gilligan’s Island.  Who didn’t love that show?  Ginger and Mary Ann were easy on the eyes, and Mr. Howell was my idol:  old, rich, and Lovey was hot for a 70-year-old woman.

Now a days, my kids are watching reality TV, and there is plenty to go around.

There is this one show on TLC where they take really, well, ugly people, and they make them beautiful.  It is amazing!

First they make them look in this HUGE mirror so they can really see how very unattractive they are.  The mirror encircles them.  They can see every single nook and fanny of their body.  That’s the sad part of the show.

Then they make them throw away all of their crocks and black socks and t-shirts that say “I’m with Stupid.”  It can be very emotional, these clothes and the ugly person have been together for a very long time.

Then they give them $5,000 and take them shopping in New York to buy some decent outfits.

These people are bad off.  They always cry in the store because they don’t know what to buy, and they can’t get the image of the big mirror out of their head.  But eventually, the hosts of the show come to their rescue.  It’s all up hill from there.  And every single time, without exception, they end up beautiful – I mean stunning!

I have a hard time sitting through the entire hour, but I make the girls promise to find me when they get all the ugly out.  It’s just intriguing.  I  think everyone should go on that show.  The world would be a much more pleasing place to live.

There’s another series where a bride-to-be comes in and picks out her wedding dress.  Everyone in her family accopanies the bride, and they fight about which gown she should choose.  It’s called Say Yes To the Dress.  And, it has a sequel for big women – Say Yes To The Dress, Big Bliss.  I wonder if the larger ladies know they are going to be broadcast on a show that emphasizes their enormity.  I would not go on Say Yes To The Tank Top, Tiny Biceps.

I have learned some things from TLC.  The other day Stephanie tried on a pair of shoes with a new dress I had bought her.  My reaction when she walked out of the dressing room?

“Those really make that dress pop!”  (That means they make the dress look even prettier).

I also pointed out that she might want to try layers if she wanted to look taller (Don’t ask me, that’s what Stacy and Clinton said).

I could probably be one of the hosts of these fashion shows, but I’d rather be drinking a beer with the Skipper.

Leave a comment


  1. Mel Ham

     /  October 10, 2012

    ah…I love what not to wear….it’s my ironing show..I dvr it all week although they sneak in re-runs. I would be willing to pull out my uglies for $5000 in a new wardrobe. Those girls..they are such girls…It dawned on me after watching about 100 episodes that it’s staged. Take a street smart New Jersey girl not taking any crap at the onset of the surprise and you are right then she is squalling in the store and can’t find her dark jeans that are a wardrobes essential. I like the hair and makeup part the best…

  2. I think everyone should go on that show, too.

  3. When we had tv I loved What not to wear! My problem with it was that they threw away all their clothes and then get to buy like 6 outfits with 5000 dollars. They would hate me on that show cause I guarantee you the money would go a whole lot farther than that! 🙂

  4. You make me laugh Mr.Tanner. Much needed laughter. Thank you! 🙂


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