The Daddy Errand

On my way out the door last night to help a friend clean his father’s house out, I got a call from upstairs, “Dad, I need some femine products.  Can you pick some up at the store on your way home?”

Geeeze.  I hate that.  Why do I have to be the Tampon Taxi?  We were all at Target last weekend, right near that department, and no one mentioned a shortage.  Why weren’t we proactive?  Someone should have mentioned the shortage!

It’s one thing to buy that stuff with a cart full of other items.  But going in just for that?  Man.

That night, I discovered that there are six hundred options on the female aisle.  One of them can even make you fly!  Seriously, it has wings.  I started to buy a pack of those for myself, thought I’d tape them to my back and jump off the porch. I bet that’s what Peter Pan used.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough cash.

There were the “all night longers”, the “breezy while you workers” and I think I saw a “start your day at schooler”.  They came in the shape of a U, an L, a T and a B.  I challenged the woman next to me to a game of Scrabble.  She didn’t take me up on it.  She could probably sense my affinity for words.

There were liners and pads and full on insulation.  I think it’s the same stuff that’s lining the walls of my attic – they call it Tyvek.

A couple had aloe and one had vitamin E.  Who needs a multi-vitamin with those in the house?

I could have started a band:  one clicked, another snapped – there was one with a toot and a pad-da-pat-pat.

Some came in “bold colorful styles” …

Why?

The reason I’m so educated on this subject is because I read each of the names and several of the labels when I phoned home for product clarification. It took three conversations to complete this daddy errand.

At least I’ve passed the point of embarrassment at purchasing these items.  I just tossed them on the counter, asked if they happen to be on sale, and smiled at the lady like all four boxes were for me.

Indeed they were buy one box get the second half price.  Now you’re speaking my language.

(P.S. – I specifically asked my daughters if I could write about this adventure.  The general sentiment seemed to be: We don’t care.  You were the dork walking through the drug store, not us.)

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23 Comments

  1. Respect Mr.Tanner! Lol… I can’t stop laughing because I’ve never thgt my dad’s turmoil when I asked him for a drug store errand! With the vocab you’ve used, I’ve got a clear picture now!! Way to go gurls! Ha ha!! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Priceless Danny!!! My husband would never have picked them up!!

    Reply
  3. This is too funny! I had a teacher in highschool tell a similar story. However, he was caught up on the stupidity of the idioms “what is a maxi mini???”

    Reply
  4. Hahaha. This made me feel sorry for my dad (who I sent on “lady things” runs to the store wayyyy too many times).

    Reply
  5. Mom

     /  November 14, 2012

    That is rich! That little errund just says, “I have all of these wonderful women in my life. Aren’t I lucky?”

    Reply
  6. Love that you asked permission to write this! And love that they were like… whatever, Dad!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  November 14, 2012

      I guess after 10 – 15 years of living with me, they’re pretty used to this stuff.

      Reply
  7. Ah! lol too funny!!

    Reply
  8. Costco, get a box of a HUNDRED! They will having periods for quite sometime. By that Sh** in bulk lol

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  November 14, 2012

      My mother-in-law swears by that place. I’ll have to check it out.

      Reply
  9. Aunt Susan

     /  November 14, 2012

    Your mom said it right, celebrate all the females in your life, and Victoria did give some good advice. This is one I will share with all my friends, espically since you asked first!
    Truly in the top ten!

    Reply
  10. So brave. So very, very brave.

    Reply
  11. That’s too funny. Growing up, there were 4 girls in our house and we definitely sent our dad to the store more than once to get tampons. He hated it.

    Reply
  12. I love this, very funny!! I’ve sent my Dad and husband out for ladies things many times!! Much to the same reaction!

    Reply
  13. This post just made my day! Way to take one for the team. Definitely consider buying those things in bulk!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  November 19, 2012

      I just can’t imagine buying an enormous box of them. But I guess with what’s coming my way over the next decade, it would be worth the Kostco membership.

      Reply
  14. My dad would *never* have done this for me. I think the closest we ever came is when I had to ask him for a ride to the store. For what? To buy….girlie….things…..

    Reply
  15. haha lovely daddy ❤

    Reply

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