Here come the judge…

I have an Adjudication Hearing coming up at the court-house in a couple of weeks.  I don’t even know what that is – it sounds horrible.  Apparently it is where a judge hears the evidence for my court case.

Yeah, I’m headed to court.  And I’ll go all the way if necessary – Roberts, Scalia, Ginsberg – get ready.  I may be on my way.

Two Saturdays ago, I drove to downtown Raleigh.  It was Winterfest, a street fair, and DJ’s accapella group was singing on the main stage.  I drove up Hargett Street and took a left onto Fayetteville Street.  Amazingly, I saw an empty parallel spot on my side of the road – prime real estate I thought.

I have a friend who recently informed me that she is a “lucky parker” – as if it was an innate talent, part genetic and part hard work on her part.  I, on the other hand, am not.

I am the one cramming a medium-sized SUV into the “compact only” spot because there are no other options.  I am the one following the old lady to her parking spot – where I wait, my signal turned on, my heart racing for fear someone is going to nab the space before I can pull in after waiting for her to methodically load each of her 13 bags into her trunk.   I am the one sitting there when she closes the trunk and heads back into the mall.  Her visit merely a way to lighten her load and torque my rear.

I’ll admit, I have occasionally, later in the evening, parked in the parent with young children spot at the Harris Teeter.  They don’t define “young” anywhere on the sign.  Michelle is “young” … compared to my mother’s children.

And I used to park in the “visitor” spaces at work – because there are six of them, and we don’t have six guests at one time.  But I don’t do that anymore because they sent an email out and said they were going to tow anyone parked in those spots if they weren’t a visitor.  How would they know?  Would they really sit out there an watch?

So I’m not gonna win the Parking Integrity Award, but I did NOT intentionally park in the “For Electric Cars Only Plugin” parking space!  I did not see it, honest.  Why?  I’ll tell you why.

ev space

This is NOT the space where I got a ticket – cause you can see this one!!

1) The plug station is six feet (I went back and measured) from the curb.  On one side of downtown, the plug stations are right at the space, less than a foot from the curb and there are two bright green barriers on either side to designated the spot.  But not on Fayetteville Street!  I could lay down and nap between this plug station and my car.  Furthermore, if someone did plug their car in there, the cord would dangle across six feet of sidewalk!  That is dangerous.  I can just see the old lady with 13 packages tripping over it and breaking a hip – and it’s all down hill from there.

2) It is about 3 1/2 feet tall and gray.  That is the same color and size of the credit card swipe machine that you use to pay for parking.  I didn’t use one that day because it was on the weekend and parking is FREE – unless they hide a plug-in space and charge you $50 for parking in it.

3)  It was surrounded by the following things:  A gray planter, a grayish tree, gray bricked sidewalks and gray bricked borders – a black light post and the actual parking credit card swipe machine (also gray).  In addition, it was surrounded by the 3,000 people who attended Winterfest – an inordinate number of them wearing gray I noticed.  For crying out loud, it’s in front of a gray building!

I backed in and got out of the car on the driver’s side walking directly down the street for a block or so before cutting across to the sidewalk.  When I returned to my car and pulled off, I noticed the white ticket on my windshield.  When I returned downtown to find the space I was in because I could not believe I actually had missed a plug-in station, I had to get out of my car because I couldn’t see the damn thing while driving by – even though I was aggressively looking for it – BECAUSE IT IS NOT VISIBLE FROM THE STREET!

Those Horses Behinds have declined my written appeal even with an extremely detailed explanation including height, width and distance measurements.  So now, I guess I adjuncticate.  And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to the City Manager, and then the Mayor and then the Governor and to Barack Obama if necessary!

Did I mention that there is nothing painted on the asphalt to designate a special space?

I gonna end up in jail.

Leave a comment


  1. Donna O

     /  December 19, 2012

    Good for you! I’ll come bail you out!

  2. Elena Ceberio

     /  December 19, 2012

    OMG, I will lead the march on the Bastille to free you if necessary. I can lead a chanting mob outside the jail, I can start a letter writing campaign – I am your man, well, woman if you suffer any further miscarriage of justice!!! Let me know, just make sure none of this happens on Thursday’s at noon, then I am out, yoga makes me less aggressive. Can you imagine what I WOULD be?!?!! 😉

    Elena 201.314.3506 Green starts here Sent from my iPhone

  3. Fight the good fight, Bruce! I can’t wait to hear what happens.

  4. Mom

     /  December 19, 2012

    Oh my, and they don’t even let mamas take Christmas cookies to their incarcerated kids. Do you think you should just pay the $50.00 and let them know they are incompetent by mail? If you’re determined, you need to let Sallie, Ann, and me know how many years we are to take over the parenting of three girls. Maybe David could help us know how LOOOOng a sentence like this would last. We need to rearrange our schedules for this important “fight to the finish” fight. Maybe we could help by going to Washington and picketing outside of the White House with big red signs. I’m sure Obama would respond to that.

  5. David K

     /  December 19, 2012

    Don’t give in – fight the power and power station. Do they have a gas pump for your car downtown?

  6. Evie Lichti

     /  December 19, 2012

    I haven’t seen you in quite a while and this way at least I’d know where you are. I can bake a cake and put a file inside. Be careful where you cut and bite! AND . . . I’ll bring some bed sheets that you can rip and make an escape rope. If those guys in Chicago were smart enuf to figure it out, I KNOW you can too. Let me know if you need my help!!! I’ve never been accused of abetting, so this mite be the first time, but I’d take my chances for you! I don’t think they’d let us be cell mates tho’!

  7. Oh my… I wish you the best of luck. I have never seen a plug in, as we have none here. I hope all goes well, and no one ends up in jail. 🙂

  8. Chad

     /  December 19, 2012

    Just pay the ticket and quit whining. I once got a ticket for tossing a cigarette butt out the window and had to get an attorney to keep from having to drive back to SC and do community service. You cant fight city hall. I’ll bet you will look next time. 🙂

    • Danny Tanner

       /  December 19, 2012

      You are just like dad! He’d just pay the fine too! Now mom and I, we fight!!!

    • Mom

       /  December 20, 2012

      Ummm, that’s a story we never heard, Chad. How interesting. This blog does bring out interesting information. This is funny to us because it sound just like you brothers. That’s what being brothers is all about!

  9. Aunt Susan

     /  December 19, 2012

    Hey the guys in Chicago used a cab, why don’t you? or let Bailey drive you? but first go to jail so I can take compassionate leave to visit you, and then we’ll get David to bail you out.
    See ya soon!

  10. Betsy Peters

     /  December 21, 2012

    Oh My! Can you please send me the actual date as I think the it would be worth taking a day off to witness the event!!! You crack me up Bruce Ham!!!

  11. I’d fight it too! You may still end up having to fork out $50, but you should cause enough of a ruckus on the way there that they will have to fix that station!


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