More Questions for Dad

This Christmas season has brought about more questions than answers.  One would think that with time I’d be more up to speed on girls, teens, and young ladies.  But the longer I live without a woman as my guide, the more I just do not understand.

Help!

*Why do you need regular bras and sports bras?  Is it not like boxers or briefs?  Make up your mind and stick to it girls!  They don’t even play sports –

*And what’s up with the ones that just stick to your bosom?  It’s peel and stick – like a “To/From” tag on your Christmas present.  What good does that do?  How can that help?  Why do we need those?

*Any why do they wear out so quickly?  I was told recently that two bras in this house “died.”  Should we have a service?  Are they just pulling my strings?  I have boxers I’ve worn for twenty years.  They may sag a bit, but who cares?  That just makes them more comfortable.  No one sees them but me.  A nd that’d better be the case for them too!

*When should a girl be allowed to wear mascara?  Stephanie and Michelle put some on when they got dressed in their costumes for the play.  It must have been Maybelline’s “new volume” brand cause they looked like a tarantula had been emblazoned on their eyelids.

*That same night I learned that soap will not remove mascara and that turpentine hurts when it gets in your eyes.  That’s what I use when stuff won’t come off.  Is there a chisel to remove that stuff?

*Why is it that I can’t get the girls to press their clothes and yet they’ll spend hours on end ironing their hair?  Yes!  They iron their hair.  Not with like an ironing board – its with a $100 mechanism that cooks stuff on both sides – sort of like a waffle maker but without the little sqaures.  I’m tempted to use it for grilled cheese sandwiches.

*And the one with the curls desperately wants hers straight.  And the one with the straight hair is looking for curly.  Why didn’t God just give them what they wanted from the get go?  Some cruel joke.

*Someone recently gave me the name of a woman to see if the girls had “skincare” needs.  Their skin looks alright to me, I specifically looked.  I mean, I buy them soap and Target brand lotion – what more is there to the care of their skin?  I guess I could buy cucumbers – I think Mommy Dearest used them on her eyes.  Maybe they need a mud mask.  I have dirt in the storage room…hum.  I fear my inaction is gonna cause wrinkles or those brown spots my grandma had when Mary Kay was washed off.

*They all want their own stuff, why can’t they just share?  Do we really need more than one brush?  I remember Lisa freaked out when I ran out of deodorant and began using hers.  I sort of liked it – thought of her every time I raised my arms.  This must be related.  I think its selfish.

I just don’t want to screw up; I don’t want to do anything wrong.  And sometimes I think they’re just yanking my chain.  There are so many things I just don’t understand.

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22 Comments

  1. Mel Ham

     /  January 2, 2013

    do you really need answers to these questions? All are valid points that they are making..I suspect you know this…You have huge resources for these answers..I will tackle the bra one right now. They are wise beyond their years to be concerned with the condition of their bra. Remember Charo’s mother on Carol Burnett. Recognizing that the “girls” need to be supported and hoisted up is so very important..you can’t start that too soon…Or you will have an orange in the sock by 30..or be a Dragon!

    Reply
  2. They need makeup removal wipes, and eye makeup removal pads. They need a good cleanser, toner, moisturizer routine starting now so they don’t end up with wrinkles and huge pores when they are in their 30’s. They need heat protective hair products so the hair dryer and flat iron don’t damage their beautiful hair. I think the rule of thumb these days, with my teenagers and their friends anyways, was makeup beginning by age 13.
    Face primer, foundation, eyelid primer, eyeshadow, blush, bronzer, hilighter, eyeliner, mascara, glittery nail polish, nail files and clippers, polish remover, nude lipstick, coral or berry lipstick, various shades of lip gloss, mattifying powder, concealer for blemishes, setting spray, a good makeup brush set… it gets exhausting just thinking about it all…
    My 16 year old daughter shops a lot on eyeslipsface.com, which makes me happy. Most of their products are $1-$3 and are of acceptable teenage quality. (Heck, I even use some of the stuff)!
    Don’t forget scented body wash, body butter, a light perfume for special occasions, body spray for daily use, lip treatments, (my teens use the proactive skincare system and swear by it}… I am quite sure I have left some items out, but it’s 7am and I still haven’t been to sleep. My insomnia is raging right now. I hope this helped (or at least prepared you a little more for the many many items that will soon invade your home!)
    Seriously, though, I don’t know the ages or styles of your daughters but feel free to ask any questions. I have 3 teenagers and am somewhat of a beauty blogger. I know where to find the good cheap stuff because I certainly couldn’t afford all the female teenage necessities if I didn’t know where to look! Good luck, Kat

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 2, 2013

      Oh my lord, I’m in trouble. Thanks for the cheaper option web site.

      Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 2, 2013

      Oh my Lord – I really am in trouble.

      Reply
      • It will be okay. I promise. Oh, that website has sales all the time, too. Sending positive thoughts and energy your way!

  3. David K

     /  January 2, 2013

    You are a brave man, Danny, a brave man. You walk in territory that is uncharted for most of us. Some of that stuff is pure scary.

    Reply
  4. Some of us moms didn’t even know these answers. God bless you and guide you!!! Good luck. (Knowing girls, being one, you might even answer some of these but they will throw you for a loop and change the answer needed. Be prepared.)

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 2, 2013

      that’s part of the problem – the answers change based on the kid, the day and the particular woman whose opinion I ask!

      Reply
      • Yeah….sorry about that. It doesn’t ever change. Understanding women is not a science that can be proven and documented. Or even women yet to be’s. Hang in there.

  5. You are funny!

    Reply
  6. Cris

     /  January 2, 2013

    Thank you. My son is hitting puberty this year. You made me feel lucky for the experience.

    My best suggestion would be Cafe Mom.com. Go lurk in one of the Moms of Teenage Girls forums. They might have better advice than I do. However, being the oldest of three daughters by 7 and 15 years respectively, I have learned somethings from my mother’s hard won experience and my dad’s scratching his head at the two younger ones. I’ve passed on the best details below.

    Bras. Go to Kohl’s. Bras are always on sale there. You can get them in plain white or cool colors. If you really want to live on the edge, go to Victoria’s Secret and have them get fitted. If you want to pretend to live on the edge, I think the sales folks in the lingerie section of Macy’s are capable of doing the same thing.

    Face Stuff. Almay, Neutrogena, Clearasil, Oxy. All available at your local drug store. You want something with benzyl peroxide or salicylic acid as the active ingredient.

    Hair. Don’t even joke about using the flatiron for grilled cheese. The flatiron is sacred. Yes, they all want their hair straight. Blame Taylor Swift, who had beautiful curly locks until she flatironed them. Curse you Taylor! Can’t you find a real boyfriend and live happily ever after???

    Makeup. Makeup is something teens and tweens experiment with. In time, we all realize that it is totally unnecessary and boys (and men) don’t even like it. Somewhere around 17 or 18 we stop wearing it alltogether. While we are learning this, however, we do run the risk of looking like racoons, or Lindsey Lohan.

    Diaper wipes are the best, low cost method for getting rid of all forms of makeup, BTW. They are cleverly disguised in makeup aisles as “makeup remover pads” or “cleansing facial clothes.” Really, they’re just Luvs Baby Wipes and work just as well.

    Ironing. The dryer on a low, “touch up” setting and grabbing clothing and hanging it as soon as it comes out of the dryer reduces wrinkles and nearly eliminates the necessity of the evil ironing board.

    Good luck. My father raised three girls. He had dark brown hair when I hit 13.
    He had salt and pepper when my middle sis got there.
    Baby sis made him white.

    –C.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 2, 2013

      those are actually really good tips. thanks! and I’d like to talk to your father…

      Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 2, 2013

      those are actually really good tips. thanks! and I’d like to talk to your father…

      Reply
  7. So glad I have boys! Not only do they not need their own brush, they don’t even use a brush. Bras do wear out quickly…and the condition matters because every lump or crease will show. At that age, boys are looking (sorry) and so are other girls. No one wants to be the girl with lumps or creases on her chest! Try to buy types that seem like they will last. Lace is pretty, but forget it — it snags easily. I keep my hooks together when not being worn, it helps prevent snags on other clothing.
    Be glad you are even involved in this stuff. They could just read magazines or talk to their friends or take your cash and handle it alone. The fact that you know what is going on is great.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 2, 2013

      You’re clearly an optimist! Thanks for the encouragement. I wonder if I am scarring my girls by bra shopping with them. Thus far, they just seem to accept it and move on. I try not to hover in the stores, just offer quick opinions or help find stuff and then sort of back off. Might be a blog post there…

      Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  January 2, 2013

      You’re clearly an optimist! Thanks for the encouragement. I wonder if I am scarring my girls by bra shopping with them. Thus far, they just seem to accept it and move on. I try not to hover in the stores, just offer quick opinions or help find stuff and then sort of back off. Might be a blog post there…

      Reply
  8. Aunt Susan

     /  January 3, 2013

    Oh Danny, it took this long for you to realize you were way over your head! You got lots of good advice, so I won’t offer any, except just remember Lisa is watching,laughing her head off and being very grateful you are you and you are doing such a really, really good job.

    Reply
  9. suchdev

     /  January 4, 2013

    I agree with “Aunt Susan”..you’ve been given great advice so I will just chime in to say I love your blog, keep it up, and I know your wife is looking down on you getting a kick out of everything you are going thru to be such a wonderful father to your beautiful girls!

    Reply
  10. Love this post. I am experiencing all the same issues with my daughter. It would seem my memory of experiencing it myself has dwindled… to NOTHING. Ha.

    Good luck, there are a lot of amazing tips in these comments.

    Reply
  11. Bras are very important, and do tend to wear out more quickly than undies.
    Also, your daughters probably don’t need toner or other things like that. Get the a good face wash and they should be fine. Neutrogena and Clearasil are good brands for teenage skin. Also, you should have them watch the episode of Full House where Becky teaches DJ to put on makeup. It’s about bringing out your natural beauty, not covering up your face. Also, encourage them to go sometimes without. They may not ever take you up on it, but women and girls do not need makeup to be beautiful, and the sooner they realize that, the better off they’ll be in the long run.
    As to the curly and straight hair. I have no idea why, but every woman on earth seems to want the hair they didn’t get. It makes no sense, but that’s how it seems to be.

    Reply
  12. Also, if your girls do start playing sports, or just working out, make sure they get a good, well-fitting sports bra. They offer way more support and feel so much better to sweat in than your traditional bra.

    Reply

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