Sunday Post 106: It’s Not A Choice

Tonight I met with my men’s group – the guys who have also lost their wives to cancer.  There were only four of us.

We all struggle at times and with similar experiences, yet often on different timelines.  For some the holidays were tough.  For others, the wedding anniversary brought it all back – it was the day that no one else really celebrated.  Just their time.  In a way, that made it harder than Christmas.  I get that.

At the end of the meeting, I shared an email a buddy of mine sent me today.  I met him through the play, A Christmas Carol.  He’s a really neat guy and has become a great friend.

He was commenting on a recent post I’d written – the one where I said, “I don’t know how my story ends.”

He wrote:  As I was reading your blog, it struck me. I’m sorry about you losing your wife, but do you realize that if it wasn’t for your loss, we would most likely not know each other?  Would you have tried out for A Christmas Carol if Lisa was still living?

I know how you will finish the book.  For everything that has to die it brings forth life.  You bury a seed so that it can bring forth life.  Your ending will be LC instead of BC … Life after Cancer not just Before Cancer. The key word is Life because you are still living, and look at all of the new sprouts that have come up!

 A friend in the support group said, “It’s not a matter of choosing this new life over the loss of your wife.  It wasn’t a choice.  She died – period.”

The choice comes in what you do after she dies.

I am thankful for the new experiences I’ve had since Lisa’s death.  I am thankful for the new friendships I have made.

I always feel like when good happens that I need to clarify my happiness – “This is great, but I’d rather this not have happened and still have Lisa.”

Well duh.  But it wasn’t a choice.  Therefore enjoy the good, and enjoy guilt free.

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  1. Mom

     /  January 20, 2013

    And what wonderful things have come out of this. Like you, I still hate, absolutely hate what caused all of this but I am extremely grateful for the way you have used it to help others instead of curling up in a corner and living a pretense of a life. Your girls deserved better and Lisa would have been so angry if you had not picked up and gone on. I can hear her cheerleading in the wings of your life…”I knew you could do it!” and we did too. We join Lisa in saying, good job!

  2. Wow that is such a great point! That is a wise friend 🙂
    I love reading your blog… You’re girls are blessed to have a dad like you. May God bless your family.

  3. Wow what a great point! That is a wise friend you have there.
    I love reading your posts…. Your girls are blessed to have a dad like you. May God continue to bless you and your family!

  4. Aunt Susan

     /  January 20, 2013

    yeah your mom said it all. now go forward and enjoy life.

  5. Pam

     /  January 20, 2013

    Lisa would not have it any other way! Prayers to you and the girls.

  6. I hope you find many more blessings on the road to the end of your story!!

  7. You are in my prayers! You’re courage is inspirational


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