Dong Dong Dong (to the tune of NBC’s Peacock chimes)
So on Wednesday, you might see the Tanner Family on the Today Show! Pretty big deal huh?
About two months ago, the doctor who put together my men’s grief group called me.
“Danny, you know we’ve been working to help more men who are in your situation.”
“Well, I think the Today Show has decided to do a segment on our program, and they’d like for the Tanners to be the featured family.”
I thought maybe we’d get an all expense paid trip to New York – maybe tickets to Letterman, The Book of Morman. No luck. Instead, a really cool producer, Stacey, and her camera and sound guy came to town. They interviewed the doctor and took some footage of the group’s February meeting and the next day, they spent with us.
At 7 AM I opened the front door. They were already here taping footage of the house and the partially melted snowman we’d built the previous day. Their goal was to follow us from 7 AM to 7 PM to get a real taste of life with a half witted dude raising three kids on his own.
Sounds riveting, huh? They taped me cooking ground beef and tying my bow tie. I bet their ratings spike this week.
I was told a lot of people watch the show and that if women saw me tie the bow, I might get a few marriage proposals. Apparently a lot of women in prison watch Today, and they like sharp dressed men. Might have a conjugal visit in my future. Never done that before.
It was pretty uncomfortable having a camera follow your every move. At one point, I had the mic attached to my shirt and headed to tinkle. As I was peeing, it dawned on me that the sound guy could probably hear exactly what was going on. It didn’t bother me that much that he heard me, but I wanted to make sure he knew that I knew that he might be listening.
“Yea – I’m peeing. I know you can hear me. I’m older, it takes a while.”
DJ drove to school with the camera guy in the back seat. I tried to sing and dance like most days, but felt a little self conscientious when Taylor Swift came on. Usually I’d be cranking out some “22”, a little front seat dancing, moving my bootie to the beat.
“Dad, look at my phone. Text Kimmy and tell her we’re five minutes away.”
“My friends are meeting me at the car. They want to be on TV.”
“Oh. That’s normal. All four of your best friends always happen to get to school at the same exact time and wait on the sidewalk for your arrival.”
I asked the cameraman to at least pretend like he was taping them. He did and threw in, “This looks so natural ladies, just act like I’m not here.”
My friends at work had given me hell about their visit. Our office manager insisted she would run right in my office with my morning cup of coffee.
I told her to have a cigarette ready and to spin around when I nodded my head – sort of like Mad Men.
That afternoon they interviewed me and then taped me folding clothes. Now that’s good TV. Thank goodness it wasn’t fitted sheet day.
I actually pulled out the dark clothes and found one of Michelle’s white shirts in the mix. It is now pink. How embarrassing.
It was sort of like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo – without the forklift toe and marannaise (maybe they’ll want to start a Tanner Family reality TV show – I bet Jesse would move back for that.)
We loved the three Today peeps who hung with us, but by the end of the day, I just couldn’t think of anything else interesting to do. They really wanted to tape me putting Michelle to bed, so when we finished dinner I sent her up to put on her PJs.
“But dad, it’s 6:45,” she protested.
“It’s your bedtime Michelle! Tonight is a special night. Etgay ouryay uttbay otay edbay!”
“Can I get up after they leave?”
“It depends on how well you ‘fall’ asleep. Now go!”
Although they took a days worth of footage, you never know how the story might pan out. There could be several minutes with the Tanners or you might get a glimpse of the back of our heads for two, three seconds.
It’s tentatively scheduled to air on Wednesday, March 27, perhaps the 8 – 9 AM hour. But if a cruise ship gets stuck in the Gulf, we could very well get bumped. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
Oh, and by the way, if you know of any widowed dads out there, ship them our way: Single Fathers Due to Cancer