Happiness just used to be. It was constant, almost never-changing.
Now it’s not like that. Happiness is more tentative.
I guess it’s like having a permanent job versus being a temp employee. With a full-time regular position, you have security. You have benefits. You know you’ll get that paycheck every two weeks.
As a temp, the minute the staffer returns from maternity leave, you’re out. There is no retirement plan. There isn’t any short of long-term disability insurance. If you have a catastrophic event, you’re on your own.
Losing someone you love is sort of like that. The stupid happiness is gone. Yeah, it’s possible to laugh and enjoy life, but it’s never ongoing. Once a day or once a week or a couple of times each month, something comes to mind that drags those feelings of unease right back up. And the long-term future you’d planned – weekends out-of-town when the kids grow up, an early retirement, places we wanted to visit, all are gone.
I wish I’d have known when I was going through the endless years of bliss that I was going through the endless years of bliss. When they’re gone, happiness becomes less easy and more work. And yet, I guess I appreciate it more when it’s here.
Perhaps there is value in both.