Sunday Post 119: Fear of the Greatest Joy

A friend of mine is up and moving her family to Nashville this summer.  She has a great job opportunity and has thought about this major decision for quite some time now.  She’s making the leap!  Significant and difficult change.  Scary.  I really respect her for taking the plunge.

I don’t like to plunge.  I find it more comfortable to sit on the side of the pool.  It’s warmer.  It’s comfortable.  I know what it feels like outside of the water.  What if I jump in and it’s too cold?  What if it’s too deep?  What if I get water in my ear?  If I don’t like it and have to get back out and dry back off.  It’s much, much easier to stay on the deck.

I wonder if some of my fears have been magnified since Lisa died.  I guess that’s normal.  Once you go through a tragedy, there are going to be scars.  But I think there is potential to lose out on life if I don’t figure out a way to put my suit on and dive on in.  

I fear loss.  What if I get too close to someone and they leave or die?  I’m scared to death I’m going to lose again.  I’m not sure I could weather that storm.  It’s too painful.  I can’t face it.

The sad thing is that the greatest joy of my life came from a deep, deep dive:  finding Lisa.  As bad as it hurt to lose her, I’d go through it all again for a single day together. 

There are a lot of things to be scared of – it could be loss, it could be change, it could be putting yourself in a new social situation – my grief counselor once told me to take Salsa lessons (I didn’t).  Maybe it’s a job, leaving the comfort of something miserable.  It could be going back to school, moving to a different city, or trying out for A Christmas Carol!

A lot of us have faced hard things; might be time to tackle another one.  Could be missing out on another greatest joy.   

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15 Comments

  1. So true and wise , so introspective , so courageous , in spite of all!
    There’s a new Danny ,out there , why preventing him from living?

    Reply
  2. Pam

     /  May 26, 2013

    Bruce I am praying for you! I think Lisa would encourage you to dive deep!

    Reply
  3. You’ll know when to dive deep again … I know it.

    Reply
  4. I think the question is, what advice would you give your daughters? Would you want them to be afraid, or dive deep and go on living?

    Reply
  5. Well written!

    Losing my dad to cancer when I was 12 has seeded a fear inside my soul, that makes me feel afraid of losing my husband to something I can’t control. I understand your feelings but fight it. Any fear or negative emotion should not control your life.

    I know my dad wants me to be happy and now that insecurity or fear is slowly fading away from my life. So give yourself a chance, an opportunity, to dive deep into unknown territories. You will do just fine.

    Reply
  6. Your greatest joys will always be by your side and in your heart no matter what the decision – safe, crazy, wrong or right. A family who finds joy from each other is on solid ground! You are much braver than you give yourself credit for, but listen to you your internal naggings. I am somewhat convinced that they might be that still, small voice!

    Reply
  7. Beautiful and thought provoking post Mr. Tanner. I will keep you in my prayers and I know you will make the right choice. I am sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine the pain you must have gone through. I agree with you on change. It is frightening but it can bring the happiest of experiences in the end.

    http://lifeismuyfantastico.wordpress.com/

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  May 29, 2013

      I think you’re right. Thanks for remembering us.

      Reply
  8. lifeisanadventure

     /  May 31, 2013

    I’m a plunger by default (being married to the military does that). I find myself thrust into new places with new people and challenges I couldn’t have imagined. Over time I’ve learnt to embrace this and all it entails. Some times I come up battered and bruised and wondering if it was all worth it but I am buoyed by the experiences and people that have become part of my life for which I am so grateful. I am fortunate to have my husband by my side though and I cannot imagine your loss. Good luck 🙂

    Reply
  9. I can relate. I have a strong fear of heart break.

    Reply

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