End of Year Assembly


Last year at the school’s end of year Award’s Ceremony, I sat in the balcony.  I got there late, and the chapel at the kids’ school is small.  There are about 20 chairs upstairs by the organ.  The thing I like about not being in the main sanctuary is I can day-dream, check my phone or doze off when things get slow, and no one up there notices cause they’re all asleep too.  It’s reserved for the working parents who were on a conference call and had to act like thier cell phone was losing reception when they pulled in to the school parking lot.  Incedentally, there were no spots left so we all had to park a two mile walk from the school.

This year was better than last.  The former Spanish teacher gave awards to every 3rd, 4th or 5th grader who could say “uno.”  It took foooorever.

I like it when the person up front calls the kids’ names quickly and in alphabetical order.  Some say the child’s name and then wait for them to shimmy out of their pew, walk down the long aisle, get their hand securely on their certificate and go stand on one of the long risers to pose for their mug shot.  Once they are fully in place, they call the next child’s name.  The process then begins again.  It also takes foooorever.

Nah, I want them to call them out rapid fire.  Perhaps have another adult poised to pass out the white pieces of paper with the school emblem emblazoned on the top for a quick smile and handshake.

Even better, yell out the name and toss the certificate on the floor in front of the altar.  The kids could dive for them which might make the assembly a little more interesting.

I absolutely hate it when they have a long list of kids to recognize and they don’t call them out in alphabetical order.  Then you have no idea how many more are left before you can escape.

For example, I know that 6th, 7th and 8th grades each will have a list for A/B Honor Role and for A Honor Role.  That’s 26 letters of the alphabet times six lists for a total of 156 potential first letters of last names to be called before I can scoot down the steps, congratulate my kid and head to the nearby Starbucks for the coffee I missed cause I had to be at school so early.

“Jane Abernathy…Jerry Adams…Bonnie Blalock…”

Only 155 more letters possible.

At the end of the sixth grade A/B recognition, I only have to sit through 130 more letters.  And boy, when they skip from Harris to Smith with no other kids in between, I’ve knocked out ten letters within less than a second.  I feel so much progress!

At one of these annual ceremonies, the Daughter’s of the American Revolution give out an award for the best essay.  Shouldn’t they now be called the great-great-great-granddaughters of the Revolution?  Who is still in this group?  What do you write an essay on, the corset?

I was surprised to Google and find out that there are 170,000 DsAR in our country.  That is many more than I originally estimated – which was 3.

I don’t think middle school kids in the band should receive an award.  I think it should go to their parents.

Oh, and don’t believe all the hype about overweight, out of shape kids.  Virtually every child at our school passed the Presidential Physical Fitness test, including Michelle.  Come to think of it, maybe the standards have waned a bit.  When I was a kid, you had to bench press your mother, run in to double dutch and high jump across the jungle gym to pass.  I don’t know what the criteria is now, but if my kids got it, I’m guessing it’s not the same.

When we got home and told DJ of Michelle’s award, she said, “That’s unusual.  A Tanner has never been recognized in P.E.  Neeever.”

I am proud to announce that Stephanie was one of only 5 kids in the 7th grade to get straight As!  Seeing her up there was worth weeding through the other 123 letters of the alphabet that preceded her announcement.

Actually Michelle had them too, but they don’t call them out in assembly until middle school.  Oh well, maybe next year.

Leave a comment


  1. Charlotte

     /  June 12, 2013

    You really crack me up sometimes. Hope you’re having fun at the beach!

  2. Love this post!!

  3. This was very funny! Wanting award ceremonies to be in ABC order while read rapid fire quickly and the award for parents of middle school band players, really cracked me up! The certificates can be thrown on the floor so the receivers can dive to get them!

    • Danny Tanner

       /  June 14, 2013

      I have good ideas – its just that no one asks my opinion.

  4. Cris

     /  June 19, 2013

    I know the feeling…try doing this long distance via cell phone. I get every other word of those 155 names… Thanks for the chuckle.


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