Sunday Post 125: Getting Out of the Funk

Sometimes you just get in a funk.  It’s acceptable.  Work is hard; perhaps a relationship has gone bad.  Your kid is giving you a fit or you’re struggling to pay the bills.

I find myself there on occasion.  When things aren’t great, I tend to really, really miss Lisa.  I begin to stew, worrying about stuff that I don’t have control over.

After a couple of weeks in that state, I think it moves from acceptable to pathetic.

Two weeks after Lisa died, I could still hardly move.  I remember being at my parent’s house, unable to get out of bed.  The kids were jumping on my head looking desperately for their father.  They could see me, but I just wasn’t there.

At lunch that day, my mom said, “Danny, you can do this.”

“What choice do I have?” I snapped back.

On my drive back to Raleigh, I remembered that I had promised Lisa that when she could no longer go on, I would take care of things here on earth.  But I wasn’t.  I was wallowing in my sadness and not doing a thing to try to fix it.  That day was a good wake up call for me.

Life didn’t immediately turn around.  I didn’t totally shuck grief out the door on that Sunday afternoon two weeks after I’d lost my wife.  What I did do, however, was begin to push myself toward healing.

Now, when things aren’t great, I immediately jump to the conclusion that if she hadn’t died my life would be perfect.  It wasn’t perfect before she died; I’m not sure what makes me think it would be if she hadn’t.

After sitting in my own pile of deserving self-pity for an appropriate amount of time – my gut tells me when – something clicks.

Enough.  It’s time to move on.  Make a plan.

Step one is reminding myself how much I have to be thankful for.  Once complete, the rest comes fairly easily.

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19 Comments

  1. Your courage, strength, resilience and love for your family is truly inspirational!!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 8, 2013

      I think that most are as resilient and loving as I am. I, unfortunately, got to show the resilience earlier than most.

      Reply
      • Clearly you’re also very humble…I think you should stand tall and proud of your strength of character! I can only hope should something happen to me that Jamie is as strong and brave as you have been

  2. Thanks for the reminder. The most difficult part is making that “plan.” Waiting on God for direction requires patience….Oh, I soooooo have NO patience. Perhaps, that’s my lesson.
    You have also made a point that I need to remember and bring to the forefront of grief: My life wasn’t perfect before my mom died.
    Thanks and God bless you and your family.

    Reply
  3. Mary Ann

     /  July 7, 2013

    I’m always eager to read your musings when they pop up on my email list. None I have appreciated more than this one. Your gift lies in your ability to capture in words the feelings that lie in so many hearts. I hope some day you will share them with the wider audience of grieving parents that have to buck up and get one foot in front of the other each day. I’m certain that Lisa is proud.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 8, 2013

      Thank you so much for reading. I hope I get that opportunity.

      Reply
  4. Mom

     /  July 7, 2013

    And you have done it. And what a good job you have done! The girls are happy and doing well. You have kept your promise.

    Reply
  5. Susan

     /  July 7, 2013

    I too am always eager to read your blog…..I am in no way comparing, but as a military spouse, I am often a single parent and having lost a child many years ago, I truly understand the hurt that comes with loss. You have provided so much joy to so many with your honest words and your thoughtful insight, but more importantly you have kept your promise and provided a loving home to your girls. I truly believe that Lisa is at peace because she knows the man she chose is perfect for her girls.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 8, 2013

      I hope so. Having teens makes the love diminish on occasion…

      Reply
  6. Remembering all of the fantastic things in ice can be really hard when you’re in emotional pain. Such a strong, wonderful post.

    Reply
  7. I really hope you write this book.

    Reply
  8. What an honest and effective article. I applaud your willingness to share & hope you can inspire this kind of manliness in others. Lord knows we need it! Thank you.

    Reply
  9. What a great way to share your journey and help others.

    Here’s to healing and peace for your family. What a miracle it would be if this kind of honest manliness could spread about and clear the dusty @ crusted huts of I forgiveness and bitterness that so many are hiding in.

    More!

    Reply
  10. Aunt Susan

     /  July 7, 2013

    I must repeat what your mom said, you have moved on and have done all that Lisa would have wanted you to do and maybe even more. Stop beating yourself up, and remember that you have support and help, here on earth and up above.

    Reply
  11. Over My Shoulder

     /  July 8, 2013

    Heart goes out to you. xx

    Reply
  1. Sunday Post 125: Getting Out of the Funk | mumtolachlan

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