Frozen Drawers

frozen boxers

My oldest niece is now 25, 30, maybe older, I’m not sure.  All I do know is she’s getting on up there.

Since she was born I’ve worked hard to keep her in line – she is a handful.

One Christmas I decided to give her two of the things she loved the best – nicely packaged together.  So I took a pizza crust and hot glued macaroni all over it.  She was rude and didn’t eat it.

Fresh out of college and in a new apartment, she requested money and house goods for her holiday gifts.  Naturally, I bought a 24 pack of toilet paper, unrolled each and tucked a dollar in the middle.  I then wrote on the outside of the roll the title of a fabricated Christmas Tune – like “Oh Holy Wipe” or “Tinkle Bells.”  It took a great deal of careful thought to put it together, and yet, she complained about the rolls being unwrapped.  I just don’t get it.

The younger she was, the less she could throw back at me.  Now, with her old age and all, I’m having to be a bit more careful.

At the beach earlier this month, our entire family, all 12 of us, took our annual crab hunting exhibition.  We gathered the nets, the flashlights, buckets and frisbees (used to secure the caught crabs in the said buckets).

Since my mother is scared of everything, I decided I’d take a small twig, sneak up behind her and surprise her with a little tickle on her ankle.  It’s sort of fun to see a 76-year-old jump that high.  It reminded me of the time my brother put a plastic snake on her shoulder in a gift shop at Disney World when we were kids.  Her scream was so loud they called in security because they thought someone was dead.

So, maybe I took it a bit far when I repeated my trick four or five times on my mom, she is such a sucker.  Then a couple of swipes on my niece’s ankle and once or twice on Michelle.

I knew they were working to get me back when DJ and Courtney ran back to the house to “go to the bathroom.”  Both have camel bladders so I suspected revenge was in the making.

After a one-sided water gun war, I thought I had paid my penance.  What I learned when I climbed out of the shower was that all of my boxer shorts, every single pair – even the dirty ones, were missing.  I searched for a while and then gave it a rest.  I figured them knowing that I knew was torture enough.  They had to fear my next move.

I reminded them that I wasn’t big on underwear and that I could go months without my shorts.  I’ll have to admit though I didn’t want to have to buy 8 new pair.

Two days later, with still no sign of my boxers, I made my move.  While they were sunning by the pool, I snuck into their rooms and snatched their undies.

I then called truce and worked out a swap wtih my father as a neutral party.  We’d each give our goods to him, and he would return them to the rightful owner.  He’s a minister, I knew I could trust him.

What I didn’t realize was that little rat had wet my shorts, wadded them all up and crammed them on the bottom shelf of the freezer behind the ice pops and in front of the frozen kale.  When recovered, they were solid as an iceberg, formed in-between the crevasses of the wire rack that hid them.

It was nearly the rudest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.  Who does that?

PS – If you’re reading this, and you know who you are, just wait, wait until next year…

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16 Comments

  1. Sheryl Fowler

     /  July 10, 2013

    Oh my gosh; I cannot wait to send this post to certain members of my family. We are exactly like this. In fact, I actually did throw the rubber snake on my mother’s shoulders while we were grocery shopping in Myrtle Beach when I was about 11 or 12. She was wearing barely-there sandals with a slick bottom and actually fell down. My cousin-in-crime and I dashed around the closest end-cap to avoid the wrath of my father, who would surely discipline us, and did so while choking back simmering guffaws. Of course there were the usual other pranks–short-sheeting beds, more bad behavior with the plastic snakes, etc. I love this underwear thing and might have to use it.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 11, 2013

      Feel free to use it – and note the comment above with the frozen bra trick.

      Reply
  2. Courtney

     /  July 10, 2013

    You started it when I was really young so naturally I had to get to an age where I could get you back. I had to wait until you were least expecting it. Next year I’m going to bring a lock for my suitcase 🙂

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 11, 2013

      Thanks for the warning. I’ll bring something to cut that lock! You’re gonna get it!

      Reply
  3. Wayne

     /  July 10, 2013

    Don’t mess with Grandma. She appears harmnless but she has minions to do her bidding!

    Reply
  4. Haha! Good move girls!

    Reply
  5. Aunt Susan

     /  July 10, 2013

    Really!, I know your mama, and she’s too nice for you to have been that mean! She can contact me for help in the revenge from that cruelty from the summer and the years ago!
    Congrats to the others who “froze” you out!

    Reply
  6. Missy Mangum

     /  July 10, 2013

    Revenge is a dish best served cold” (sorry, I couldn’t resist). You got off lucky after your shenigans! I once sewed all the legs of a certain someone’s underwear shut and then put them back in the drawer. Some random socks too! Will have to try to frozen undies trick now!

    Reply
  7. Alma Cutler

     /  July 10, 2013

    If I were you I might cancel vacation next year, with Courtney having a year to plan an attack all I can say is watch out.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 11, 2013

      No – she’s the one who needs to worry. I’m going to fill a zip lock bag with water and freeze her bra in it!

      Reply
  8. very “cool” prank” Kudos!

    Reply
  9. Allison Parks

     /  July 11, 2013

    HAHA, Oh man, you gotta fill a zip lock bag with water and someones bra and freeze it over night. She will need an ice pick to get it out! Not that I know that from experiences at every slumber party ever… you never want to fall asleep first.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 11, 2013

      ooooo – that’s is a great one! Next summer – neeeexxxt summer.

      Reply
  10. like a comedy movie that I know.

    Reply

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