Anastasia and Drizella


I haven’t had new tennis shoes in three years.  I wore mine to play golf in this week, because I also don’t have golf shoes.  After traipsing around the wet course, they smelled like damp, sour dog.  I tossed them in the washing machine – when I got them out, they smelled like damp, sour dog with a cascade of Cheer on top.

When I run, it’s like I’m standing on hard French toast; the bones in my knees rubbing together, cartilageless.

We live off Ridge Road, that’s where I jog.  The Meredith College coeds wiz by me each fall, their neon Nikes smokin’.

“Hey, hey.  Yea you – hotty!  The one with the pink jog bra and green sneakers –  these tennis shoes are three years old.  That’s why you passed me!  Oh, and my walkmans not working either – I run slower without my tunes.”

My girls, on the other hand, all have nice new shoes for school.  As long as I can remember, they’ve always worn Nikes.  I also remember them being around $40.

This year, we walked into the Kids’ Footlocker and picked out a couple of pairs, one for Stephanie, one for Michelle.  I didn’t even notice the price, assuming they’d be around the same as previous years.  When we got to the register, cha-ching!  “That’ll be $148.00.”

“Say what?  Last year it was less than $100 for two.  What’s up?  Nike move their plant to the US or something?”

“Well, both of your daughters are now a size 5.  That’s an adult size.”

“But this is a kids’ store.”

“Well, we sell adult sizes too.”

“And charge adult prices.  Can you shove them in a 4?  Stephanie, Michelle, act like Anastasia and Drizella.  They’re bringing out smaller shoes.  Cram that foot it!”

Geeze.  Pretty soon no more child menus either.  And just think.  At one time I wanted four.

Buy Danny’s Book:  Laughter, Tears and Braids

Leave a comment


  1. Too funny. The ridiculous price of some things blow my mind! It stinks that you aren’t always paying for quality…sometimes it’s just the name! And I feel ya on the dreaded end of the kids menus!! The shock to the pocket book when going from $3.79 for a Happy Meal to 7.49 to a Bic Mac Meal is no joke!

  2. Michele Barrows

     /  October 30, 2013

    Too funny and so true!!

  3. CHall

     /  October 30, 2013

    Gotta put in a word for feet here….you only get one pair so take care of them. I’d find something else to cut back on rather than cramming feet into too-little shoes to save $$’s. That’s my story and I’m stickin to it.

  4. Leslie Davis

     /  October 30, 2013

    At least you don’t have boys. Jack’s size 9 basketball shoes will most likely be at least 100$! And likewise, my current excuse for not running is that I don’t have new running shoes…

    • Danny Tanner

       /  October 30, 2013

      Just spent $90 at the dance shop on shoes! AHHH. It never ends.

  5. So happy to have found your post and love your infusion of humor. I was widowed 6 years ago with 4 children under 12 due to the same ugly beast of colon cancer. Keep on keeping on with all the joy that comes through on your posts and God Bless!

    • Danny Tanner

       /  November 1, 2013

      I can’t imagine four under the age of 12 with no spouse. Hang in there.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Tanner Tweets

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 11,940 other followers
  • Past Posts

  • Contact Us

%d bloggers like this: