Poofles for Breakfast

It is really difficult to get under DJ’s skin. I mean her sisters and I get on her nerves on a frequent basis, but nothing really fazes her. She just sort of rolls her eyes and rolls with the punches; a lot like her mother.

I so long to really irritate her. Not always, but on occasion. It gives me such pleasure.

The other day though, I thought I had.

For years we’ve exchanged fake plastic poop with my brother’s family. I’m not sure who originally purchased it, probably that difficult niece of mine – the one who froze all of my boxers at the beach last summer.

You might find the poo in your suitcase when you return from the family beach trip. Or, it might be wrapped in a Bailey’s box for Christmas. Imagine the disappointment my sister-in-law felt when she anticipated a Pandora bracelet from me and instead discovered plastic poop underneath the white and gold striped tissue paper!

Our only issue seems to be that we misplace our family poo from time to time. No one on my branch of the family really knew where it was this year so when DJ found some at a new store called Five and Below (cheap-cheap), she tossed it in her bag and brought the prize home.

“This will be perfect for Cam (my nephew).” DJ and I agreed that he could use a good dose of doo!

We gently set it on the desk in the kitchen so nothing would happen to it before the holidays. I’m sure guests in our house during the month of December were a bit alarmed.

“Is Danny having health issues?” I could hear my Sunday School class members discussing on the way home from our Christmas party. “I noticed he messed on his kitchen desk. Raising these girls has really been tough on him.”

On the Monday before Christmas, the girls enjoyed sleeping in on their first real day of vacation. I, being the caring father that I am, surprised them with waffles when they awoke at 11. Michelle and Stephanie were downstairs first. DJ seemed to be struggling to get out of bed.

As I finished her golden Bisquick creation, I eyeballed Cam’s gift.

Hmmmm. Might as well use it twice, I thought to myself.

I set the waffle on her plate and headed to the desk. I gently placed the poop in the middle of her meal anticipating her disgust, perhaps even a screech!

photo (2)

“DJ, your breakfast is getting cold. Better hurry.” I was giddy with anticipation.

She sauntered down the stairs after her shower and headed toward the bar. She gently lifted the poop off the plate, and began to pour her syrup. Hardly a blink.

If I found poop on my breakfast, I think I’d at least turn up my nose.

Not my child. It’s as if I served feces as a side on a regular basis.

I so want to annoy her. Any suggestions?

Purchase Danny’s Book Laughter, Tears and Braids: Amazon or Quail Ridge Books in Raleigh

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  1. Mel Ham

     /  January 15, 2014

    the original poo came from South of the Border on our way down to Lychfield Beach. For some reason it does create little girl giggles in everyone. Now that I know who is in possession of the poo I will be on look out. First try out on the poo was putting it in the room Mae was going to sleep in. I asked her to come here. I said I thought pets weren’t allowed in these cottages. Look what someone left. But i’m not a good jokester or liar. Something in the eyes. They tell the person …nah that’s not right or true. What a family of jokesters we have…never too heavy…always something to keep you looking over your shoulder

  2. I have a hard time to think how to annoy someone that is so calm. Respect to her.

  3. Okay, now that’s an awesome tradition! I don’t have any suggestions for irritating a teenage girl… I kinda thought they were bothered by everything around them! But, now I have to go find some fake poo to put in a gift!

  4. David K

     /  January 15, 2014

    I like your tradition. But maybe you could liven it up with plastic puke. That might get her – but then there is the possibility she is just too cool to be annoyed. Or maybe you did it with this post.

  5. Anything to do with boys at school, church or even other places will surely annoy her! Like talking to one she may have noticed, pointing to him and smiling and waving during service at church, etc…..

  6. I think I am going to steal your poop tradition. My family is always up for a good poop gag. Love the post. Thanks for making me laugh today.

  7. Mom

     /  January 15, 2014

    You know that Mel, Chad and Cam started this “wonderful” tradition. I remember that I used paper towels to pick it up. It looked way too real to me.

  8. Aunt Susan

     /  January 16, 2014

    Ha, it’s most apparent that most of the commenters don’t know DJ, she has lived with you all of her life, she is sooooo used to you!

  9. fitmom27

     /  January 17, 2014

    Hahaha, that SO sounds like a little “gag” gift/fun joke our family would enjoy. Thanks for the idea and good luck on your goal to annoy D.J. I love your blog. Thanks for being real with the world and sharing your lives. My hat is off to you and your family feels so real to me….like I know you after looking around your site. You will all be in my prayers and thoughts. Lisa sounds like a wonderful person and it is a blessing to read of your family’s courage to carry on in such beauty, after such a great loss.

  10. caringsoul

     /  January 19, 2014

    I laughed the whole time reading this. I needed that.


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