Miss Hootie Tootie, at it again


Cotillion is going to kill me.  We have homework this week.  Michelle has to write an essay about the manners of one of her teachers.

“Dad!  I don’t know about my teachers’ manners!  I don’t see them eat and stuff.  What am I going to write?”

“Well, I guess you could say: ‘My grammar teacher seems to have good manners.  She generally sits correctly and I’ve never heard her burp out loud.'”

I can’t help the kid.  Although all of her teachers seem fairly polite, I too would have a hard time writing a paper on their civilities.

And now, I have to find a white dress for her to wear to the Cotillion Ball.  Where in the heck am I gonna find a white dress?  Oh, and not just any white dress, it has to be “tea length.”  What is that?  Tea is not a measurement, it is a drink.  Is there a lemonade length?  A cherry Kool-Aid length?  A Red Bull length?  Who comes up with this stuff?  Miss Hootie Tootie?

I asked someone, “What is tea length?”  She said, “It comes above the ankles.”

So I said, “Oh.  High-waters.”

So, I need this high-waters, white dress by March.

I went to Target – NOTHING.  I went to Costco – NOTHING.

I found one online at a fancy pageant dress shop.  It was $295!  I ain’t spend $295 on a dress that she’s gonna wear once.  Plus, I couldn’t figure out her size.  It said to measure her bust (I don’t think she has one yet), her waist (got that one), her hips (again, none at this time) and measure “Hollow to Floor.”  What in the heck is Hallow to Floor?  Is that from her mouth to the ground?  Her nostrils?  They’re the only hollow things I see on the kid.

I also figure I need to buy something that isn’t too fluffy.  There’s that boy who, when he dances, holds all the girls by the elastic in their underwear.  I don’t want to throw him off.

Oh, she has a red dress.  Maybe I could just bleach it.  I’ve done that a ton of times with other articles of clothing.  That stuff seems to just suck the color out like a tic on a scab.

Geeze, I bet I’m gonna have to hand write the RSVP too.  Better dig out the Miss Manners book.  Had to do that last week for a function for Stephanie.  She is so wise.

“Dad, isn’t this tea required?”


“Then why do we have to RSVP?  We don’t RSVP for school do we?”

I think my daughters might need to live in West Coast when they grow up.  They’re never gonna make it in the south.

Leave a comment


  1. Mel Ham

     /  January 29, 2014

    I am thinking you really like this rite of passage. Reach out to the aunts for assistance when you get in a pinch. I don’t get to do girl shopping much.

  2. You might want to check Macy’s online. I used to work there, and they seem to have everything under the sun when it comes to dresses for girls. Good luck dealing with Miss Hootie Tootie.

  3. Okay, take out the words “high-waters, white dress” and insert “athletic cup”, and that is EXACTLY what I went through for karate several years ago! Good luck!

  4. Mom

     /  January 29, 2014

    This is a funny one. Your Dad would agree about some of this. He never understands the requirements of Southern Culture as far as “ladies” are concerned. He isn’t “in to” the niceties of life. I’m afraid you got that gene from him. It’s tough being a guy in a female world, isn’t it? You’ve got our phone #s when you need them but you’re getting smarter every day. I doubt that you will need them.

  5. Evie Lichti

     /  January 29, 2014

    Trust me, Danny – you don’t want them to go to the West Coast. You think $295 for a dress is bad here – JUST WAIT!!!

  6. Aunt Susan

     /  January 30, 2014

    just wait until they ALL make their “debuts”

  7. Sarah

     /  January 31, 2014

    Whoa — do I remember those white dress days well. Ended up ordering about 10 from Pink Princess to try (http://www.pinkprincess.com/?gclid=CJ3upOKqqbwCFXHxOgod9EYATQ). Sure did beat schlepping around town AND she picked out what she liked. Much better on the nerves. Good luck!!


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