Bra Issues, Again

Victoria's Secret

We’re having bra problems again.

It’s prom weekend, and DJ found a pretty bright pinkish dress at a fairly reasonable price. I was excited that I wasn’t going to have to take out a second mortgage to pay for it.

But there was one hitch. The back of the dress had some holes in it which made it difficult to brassiere-ize, and she is not one who can go without.

I learned last year that they make these bras that aren’t really a bra at all. They’re like a bumper sticker that you put on your boobs. And…they cost $53!!!

I offered other more reasonable options:

“If you’re not going to get a real bra, couldn’t we rig something up? We could buy those face masks that doctors wear and tie them together. A pack of 25 for only $4.99 – and you’d be set for dances well into your sophomore year of college.”

She didn’t like that idea.

“I could fold my Dr. Scholl’s inserts, not these – I’d buy ones that haven’t yet been used, and hot glue them in a cupish sort of position.”

She just doesn’t have vision.

“Your sister can make incredible stuff out of Duct tape…”

We were getting nowhere. So I succumbed. We headed to Victoria’s Secret. The secret is they charge you $53 for a large band-aid.

After going to two of their franchises to find the right size, we got it home and she tried it on. And the damn thing fell right off. It was like making a jock strap out of a dish towel and attaching it to your body with Scotch tape. Sir Isaac Newton could have told us that wasn’t going to work. Nothing just cannot hold up something. And to make it worse, the sales clerk at the classified undergarment store told us if we removed the tape we could not return the bumper sticker.

Well we’ll see about that! I’m gonna go in and if they give me a hard time I am going to find the most endowed employee and insist that she go put that dag gone thing on and prove to me it can hold those items in place! It’s defective. It simply DOES NOT WORK.

And tomorow, I may have to buy a new prom dress. But that will probably be cheaper than the bra!

 

 

 

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20 Comments

  1. Johnson, Lise - Hoboken

     /  April 9, 2014

    Go to Belk, they have great ones that cost less and work!

    Reply
  2. I was never brave enough to try those sticker things – I just can’t imagine that they would work – I was always (I am still always) careful to only buy clothes that I can wear a bra under! Maybe that’s a lesson DJ will have to learn – just not in time for prom season!

    And I had just as much fun searching for compression underwear for Mr. T the other day. I really expected store security to come escort me out because I was playing with all of the men’s underwear, comparing and stretching and poking and prodding! I don’t wear the things – how am I supposed to know which one really works?!?

    Reply
  3. jennifer f

     /  April 9, 2014

    maybe you’ve solved the problem and don’t need suggestions, but my sisters and I have something we’ve deemed “sticky boobs.” it is basically just like it sounds, a little extra “umph” that sticks right to you. they are silicone and you wash with soap after using and then let air dry to clean and revitalize the stickiness. they clip together in the middle – the trick is really placing them properly the first time. we got ours at a department store, and unfortunately $50 sounds about what we paid…. I know this is unsolicited advice, but i thought if just add my 2 cents! have fun!

    Reply
  4. Take her dress to a tailor…they can put something in the dress for her (they did for my wedding gown) – it’ll cost maybe $20-$30. DONE! 🙂

    Reply
  5. Oh what things we go through with kids…you are a cool Dad…..that ‘support’ sounds suspect….you’re supposed to wear underthings again and again and again, so this has to be unacceptable.

    Reply
  6. I had a 20something sales person sell me one of these at 37 after growing and nursing 3 girls for a year each. See how fast Newton’s law was proven then!

    Reply
  7. Thank you for providing a map for those of us dads who have the same thing coming down the pipe. It is bad enough I have to stuff the removable pads into my oldest daughters bras now. I cannot imagine having to go through what you did with this!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  April 10, 2014

      It’s coming dude. And those pads… With bikini tops…ugh

      Reply
  8. Kelley Finley

     /  April 9, 2014

    There are bra straps that hook onto your regular bra which grabs the strap down and wraps around your abdominal area. $9.99

    Reply
  9. I think the “sewing it into the dress” sounds brilliant! I have used the tape on “petals” that are more like a huge adjustable Band-Aid that when molded onto the body provide decent support. Look online for options! Good luck and God Bless.

    Reply
  10. Kristen

     /  April 10, 2014

    I would just like to say these “sticky bras” are THE DEVIL!!! (And I would also like to meet the genius that invented it, since they obviously never tested one before stocking it on the shelves). I bought one for my junior prom many years ago, and although it “held up” through the the night (I use the quotations because I was constantly having to pull the stupid thing up to avoid a wardrobe malfunction), it was very uncomfortable and left itchy red patches under my arms for a day or so. Hopefully you can work something out with getting your money back or finding another (hopefully cheaper) solution and spare your daughter the aggravation of this awful contraption! Best of luck! 🙂

    Reply
  11. Evie Lichti

     /  April 10, 2014

    Yeh, but look at the bee-ooo-tee-ful bag you got! It’s got to be worth something!
    What a great dad!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  April 12, 2014

      they actually took it back today with no argument… I was pretty pleased.

      Reply
  12. Aunt Susan

     /  April 10, 2014

    oh how you suffer! I am scheduling some time to feel sorry for you, I’ll let you know when.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  April 12, 2014

      You try the sticky bra and then we’ll see who’s feeling sorry for who…

      Reply

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