I am Free!

I AM FREE! I am no longer a slave to their monopolous activities. They can no longer ignite my rage through their inefficient, laborious voice mail system. Yes, I have signed on with a new cable company – screw you Time Warner! You can’t see my hands, but my middle finger is in the upright position.

The night of the switch, I called the 800 number for what I thought would be the last time. I was actually looking forward to speaking with PKkflugde from Outer Mongolia. Unfortunately, the automated voice system cut me off, three different times, right after I told it I wanted to cancel my service. Each of these calls took ten minutes because prior to cutting me off I had to recount my phone number, social security number, listen to 17 options of what I might choose to do and share my inner most feelings about the crush I had on my second grade teacher and how it affected what I now watch on TV. When I finally got through, I was informed by the robot that cancellations could only be handled during business hours.

I’ll be doing 65 Hail Mary’s for my reaction to that news.

The next day I called back. Again when using the “c” word the call would not go through, so I told the robot that I actually wanted to upgrade my service at which time I was immediately patched through to PKkflugde. When I told him I actually didn’t want to add service, that I wanted to cancel, he berated me.

“Did you call us before switching to another carrier? We have better deals.”

“No PKkfludge, I didn’t. I called you last year and you gave me the best deal you had. And, for $30 less I’m getting an extra DVR box, a booster on my internet service AND HBO. Plus, I never have to talk to you again.”

“They’re only giving you HBO for three months,” I was informed by my friend.

How can he speculate what they are giving me???

“No. I believe I’m getting HBO for two years!”

“You believe?” PKkfludge questioned. “You’re not SURE? I don’t think I’d be changing services on an ‘I believe.'”

I believe I’m gonna jump through this phone and choke you! “Just drop my damn service! Now!”

He then told me he could match their plan for less than I was paying now.

“How much less,” I inquired.

“$6 less than your current payment.”

“But that is still $24 more than I’m paying them!! New math tells me that is not a better deal.”

He then proceeded to tell me that the new carrier didn’t yet pull my phone line over so if I cancelled I would lose my original phone number.

I cursed him, and hung up.

That was not true I discovered after talking with my new carrier.

After another phone attempt I decided to go in person to their customer service center so I could physically hurt someone if needed.

I got in line at 7:45 AM. There were 34 people already in front of me.

There was one of these signs on the door:

no guns

No firearms allowed? I put my pistol back in the car.

After number 11 in line completed his transaction, he turned to those of us waiting behind him and in a fairly loud voice shared what we were all thinking, “This is worse than the DMV.” He then added a few expletives.

As I walked out of the building I felt as if I had just signed the final divorce papers from a very bad marriage. I asked Michelle to take a picture. I wanted to remember one of the happiest moments of my life.

Purchase Danny’s Book Laughter, Tears and Braids: Amazon or Quail Ridge Books in Raleigh

If you have read the book and are willing to write a short review, it would be helpful: Click here. And thanks


Leave a comment


  1. I had the EXACT same feeling of jubilation when I cut the cord a year ago! What a well written and funny blog. Thanks so much for sharing!

  2. I’m fully convinced those operators are wasting their talents in that call center when they could be breaking terrorists for the CIA.

  3. Mel Ham

     /  August 6, 2014

    It’s the devil…I swear…I wish I had movied your brother..before we switched on the automated wheel of death. Loudly…YES..NO….910-***-****! Funny thing when all the equipment is in the house that drives the service we take care of it…dust it…keep in on a high shelf…when it’s over..I see folks dragging the stuff through the parking lot to return it……you’ll be glad…we have switched back and forth a couple of times..but never to return to TW…

  4. Susan

     /  August 6, 2014

    I am glad that you are liberated from the most horrific business on the planet! I have bad flashbacks from my time standing in that line….

  5. David K

     /  August 6, 2014

    Even Rupert Murdoch called off his deal with them and I hope that I never fall back into their clutches. Thanks for expressing my thoughts!

  6. It’s funny but it’s sad. I live in a very small community and we have exactly one provider for land line, cable, and internet. One provider that provides all three. We hate them but we are stuck with them, So congratulations.

  7. I spent 45 min cancelling my service not that long ago. I knew they couldn’t give me a better price, I had done my research – and I was paying $50 more per month than the same time last year – for the exact same service!

    45 min later they finally let me get off the phone after they had to admit that I was right, they couldn’t do better and couldn’t convince me to stay!

  8. Ugh, I can’t STAND TW. My parent’s still have it and they are pulling the plug this weekend. I just sent them your blog to give them a ‘friendly’ reminder! Congrats!!

  9. Aunt Susan

     /  August 6, 2014

    Wow, I was looking into the exact same thing today, I will follow through tomorrow!

  10. I’ve had the same experience when canceling aol, vonage, numerous credit cards, and a vast number of other services over the years. They’re all in cahoots with the enemy who’s name we shall never speak out loud, like in Harry Potter. Congratulations on you’re liberation!

  11. WooHoo! I just cancelled my cable and got a Roku.

  12. mel ham

     /  August 9, 2014

    on last comment too….like a scorned lover…they will call back in a few months and talk about how great they are..and why you should come back….You’ll go to the stove to make sure there isn’t a rabbit cooking.

  13. You win! Awesome job at making the switch. I am also no longer a victim. Exede….well we will see how this goes.


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