I AM FREE! I am no longer a slave to their monopolous activities. They can no longer ignite my rage through their inefficient, laborious voice mail system. Yes, I have signed on with a new cable company – screw you Time Warner! You can’t see my hands, but my middle finger is in the upright position.
The night of the switch, I called the 800 number for what I thought would be the last time. I was actually looking forward to speaking with PKkflugde from Outer Mongolia. Unfortunately, the automated voice system cut me off, three different times, right after I told it I wanted to cancel my service. Each of these calls took ten minutes because prior to cutting me off I had to recount my phone number, social security number, listen to 17 options of what I might choose to do and share my inner most feelings about the crush I had on my second grade teacher and how it affected what I now watch on TV. When I finally got through, I was informed by the robot that cancellations could only be handled during business hours.
I’ll be doing 65 Hail Mary’s for my reaction to that news.
The next day I called back. Again when using the “c” word the call would not go through, so I told the robot that I actually wanted to upgrade my service at which time I was immediately patched through to PKkflugde. When I told him I actually didn’t want to add service, that I wanted to cancel, he berated me.
“Did you call us before switching to another carrier? We have better deals.”
“No PKkfludge, I didn’t. I called you last year and you gave me the best deal you had. And, for $30 less I’m getting an extra DVR box, a booster on my internet service AND HBO. Plus, I never have to talk to you again.”
“They’re only giving you HBO for three months,” I was informed by my friend.
How can he speculate what they are giving me???
“No. I believe I’m getting HBO for two years!”
“You believe?” PKkfludge questioned. “You’re not SURE? I don’t think I’d be changing services on an ‘I believe.'”
I believe I’m gonna jump through this phone and choke you! “Just drop my damn service! Now!”
He then told me he could match their plan for less than I was paying now.
“How much less,” I inquired.
“$6 less than your current payment.”
“But that is still $24 more than I’m paying them!! New math tells me that is not a better deal.”
He then proceeded to tell me that the new carrier didn’t yet pull my phone line over so if I cancelled I would lose my original phone number.
I cursed him, and hung up.
That was not true I discovered after talking with my new carrier.
After another phone attempt I decided to go in person to their customer service center so I could physically hurt someone if needed.
I got in line at 7:45 AM. There were 34 people already in front of me.
There was one of these signs on the door:
No firearms allowed? I put my pistol back in the car.
After number 11 in line completed his transaction, he turned to those of us waiting behind him and in a fairly loud voice shared what we were all thinking, “This is worse than the DMV.” He then added a few expletives.
As I walked out of the building I felt as if I had just signed the final divorce papers from a very bad marriage. I asked Michelle to take a picture. I wanted to remember one of the happiest moments of my life.
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