Mr. Tanner, we’re gonna need that form.

Mr. Tanner, we're gonna need that form.

Mr. Tanner, we’re gonna need that form.

I am delinquent.  I admit it.  I have not yet completed my oldest child’s physical form for the upcoming school year.

There’s a good reason mind you.  She can only get a physical once each year, and her last one was on July 12, 2013.  She’s been working at an overnight camp in Arapahoe, NC, for the past ten weeks.  I don’t think there are doctors in Arapahoe.  If you have a tooth ache there, your neighbor extracts it for you.  We simply had no options.

She does have an appointment this upcoming week.  And I promise, the second we walk out of the office I will drive straight to her school and turn it in.

It has to be frustrating to deal with parents like me.

To deal with us, the delinquents, our school has hired a health form repo company to ensure that my child does not spread disease and that I meet my deadlines.  I was late on my middle daughter too.  Between the two of them I have received no less than 60 emails this summer informing me of my inadequacies as a parent.

This week, I didn’t get an automated reminder, I actually got a specific note from a staff member at the Health Form Repo Center.  I think his name was Guido.

Today I logged on their website to print the form, readying myself for the upcoming appointment, and at the top of the page there was a large red box.  It read, “54 DAYS PAST DUE” you idiot!!! (that wasn’t written but it was certainly implied).

I am afraid.  I am not sleeping well.  I look out of my windows at night fearful that Guido is going to snatch my child and hold her until her blood test comes back.  We don’t walk near windows anymore.  I just don’t know what might happen.  I have Michelle climb under the car, just to be sure nothing looks cut, before we leave home each morning.

I purchased a bulletpoof vest.  I wear it any time I leave the house.

Guido, have mercy!  Do I not get any credit for the forms I have completed?

Vital Health Record – took 20 minutes to complete – CHECK

Consent to Treat – CHECK

Over the Counter Medicine Form – CHECK

Prescription Medicine Form – CHECK

Psychological/ADD meds Form – CHECK

Copy of Health Card – CHECK

Concussions Form – in the event my child gets hit in the head with a ballet slipper?? – CHECK

Asthma, Allergies, Diabetes, Seizures, Mental Health Condition forms – CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, CHECK!

I have also completed the Transportation to/from and at school form.  I agreed to have any and every photograph of my child be displayed anywhere the school wants to put it.  I have given them information on all four grandparents, my credit card number for school purchases and volunteered for two committees.  They know my shoe size, that I prefer boxers, and that I had a crush on Janice Middleton in 4th grade.

This week I will attend multiple orientation sessions to seep up more information.

But I will attend only, only if I get this dag gone physical completed and turned in.

What if my car breaks down on the way to the doctor’s office?  What if the doctor is sick that day?  What if their copier is broken or their pens run out of ink?

I’m going to begin investigating home school options.



Leave a comment


  1. Melanie Walker

     /  August 12, 2014

    I’m feeling a little ill. I wonder if I’ll be able to go to work this week? May have to reschedule my patients…

  2. What if ……. ? Liked the flow and style of the article. I make it a point to CHECK out good reads like this.

  3. You’re about to get fitted for some back-to-school cement shoes.

  4. jennysigmon

     /  August 12, 2014

    I just wanted to let you know how much our Lucy enjoyed Baily. She said how much fun she was and what a great counselor she is that and hopes to have her again next year!

    I bet you are proud – honor cabin and all! ☺

    Have a great day!

    • Danny Tanner

       /  August 12, 2014

      she looved Lucy too! said she was so fun. glad she had a good time.

  5. Mom

     /  August 12, 2014

    I can see how confused you are because this has to be Wednesday’s post. Fall does bad things to single parents…especially to Dads. Sounds to me like you could use some help. How much is the pay for household secretaries? I just might apply if it’s worth my time.

  6. LOL! This year our school district gave up the on-line option – and it was so cool – I just typed in Mr T once, and it populated on all of the other forms!!! I didn’t have to write it 500 times on all of the sheets of paper!

    Of course, then I did have to print it all, but alas, the cost of progress!

    And, he wants to register himself this year. He said I didn’t have to meet him up there (He’ll already be there for Cheer), so he has all of the paper work clipped together and waiting by the back door for tomorrow.

    I;m proud and sad at the same time… And good luck to you -here’s hoping the car doesn’t break down!

  7. Lol! You kill me every time w/ posts like this Danny 😄

  8. Aunt Susan

     /  August 14, 2014

    Hey did you ever think about how the teachers have to deal with ALL THAT PAPERWORK 30 times? plus???????? and then have to do the same thing for their own kids.

    • Danny Tanner

       /  August 16, 2014

      That’s interesting. I thought that you guys just sat around making up stuff for us to fill out.


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