Visiting the Dead

Sometimes I dream about having the opportunity to talk to Lisa, if only for an hour or two.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could communicate with our loved ones who are gone?  Just an hour a month – or a one week reunion once a year like our family’s vacation trip to West Virginia each August.

I can envision the rush to get to the annual destination, the desire to be there as early as possible to maximize our time with the ones we don’t frequently see.  The hugs.  The laughter.  The recounting of stories that occurred throughout the year.  The asking of advice for the future.  A long embrace at the end of the week, knowing it will be 358 days before we would see each other again.

Before Lisa died I asked her, if there was an option to do so, to come visit us when she got to heaven.  She told me she wasn’t doing that.  “I don’t want to be stuck between here and there.”  Seemed like she had spent some time thinking about it.  “When I go, I’m not coming back.”

Last night I was laying by Stephanie right before bedtime.  We started talking about Lisa.

“I still miss her,” I confessed.  I then shared my desire to communicate with our deceased loved ones on a regular basis.

“I want to talk to her.  I wish she was here, on earth.”

Without hesitation, Stephanie said, “She is.  She’s inside of me.”

Sometimes kids can see things that we, as adults, cannot.

I think God sort of works like that too.  I’m often narrow in my ability to view His world.  I don’t want to be, but I am.  I’m unable, or unwilling, to see blessings, opportunities, solutions right in front of my nose.

Maybe I should just spend more time with Stephanie.  She sure does have a way of enlightening.

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25 Comments

  1. Mel Ham

     /  March 18, 2015

    you looks like her too! I take a step back every time I see her…

    Reply
  2. Mel Ham

     /  March 18, 2015

    She ..not you..where did that come from?

    Reply
  3. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

    Reply
  4. How wonderful that your daughter knows her mom is a part of her – – kids can teach us so much!

    Reply
  5. KLEENEX, please.

    Reply
  6. I often think that Adam must wish I’d just let him go already. I keep talking to him. He sends me songs to tell me he’s around, and it makes me calm and happy to hear them. I’m not hearing them as often and expect he’s got other things to do. A few days ago my son was home from college. I came into the mudroom about the time he came into the kitchen, where I could see him in my peripheral vision. For one gleaming second I thought it was Adam. Took my breath away.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  March 18, 2015

      It is interesting how you can see your spouse and even yourself in your kids.

      Reply
  7. This gave me goosebumps. I love your idea of an annual visit, and Stephanie’s confidence that her mother is always with her. Love.

    Reply
  8. Truly cannot thank you enough for sharing your story. Lisa lives on through all her girls and you and all of us who knew her. Oh how I wish we all saw the world through the eyes of children!

    Reply
  9. I lost my Husband February 4th, 2012. We have 3 children: Alex (11), Alyssa (6), and Andrew (4). It’s amazing that your daughter feels that way about her mother:) I tell my children all the time that I can see their father in each one of them. Some days it’s uncanny how much they look or act like him. It’s definitely helped me get through some rough times, and i hope it does the same for you.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  March 22, 2015

      Yea – I think seeing her in them helps me get the true picture. Generationally, I think we just keep passing bits and pieces down. It’s kind of nice.

      Reply
  10. I COULDN’T WISH FOR THIS MORE!

    Reply
  11. Aunt Susan

     /  March 21, 2015

    such a wise child.

    Reply
  12. Pam D.

     /  March 22, 2015

    You have some awesome memories. Hang on to those. They carry you through.

    Reply
  13. This is amazing. You’re whole account is. Full House is one of my favorite shows, you guys are the real thing. I lost my father, and my moms the one who is raising my 2 siblings and I, with a lot of help with close friends. I miss my dad too, a lot. Its hard to comprehend the fact that he’s still with me. But little things happen like a prayer being answered that convince me otherwise. I know he’s in heaven. He’s visited many of our friends in dreams, when he first past, and many of them are documented. Although, he isn’t here in flesh, he’s here in spirit

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  March 28, 2015

      I bet he is up there with my wife, smiling down on our blogging conversations!

      Reply
  14. Beautiful blog.

    Reply
  15. Deb

     /  April 6, 2015

    What wonderful insight children have. Thanks for sharing that. She is a gem!

    Reply
  16. Becky

     /  June 6, 2015

    I just happened upon your blog looking for a decorator blog with the same name. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you and your sweet children have gone through. I couldn’t read about your heartache and not share the good news that families can be together forever. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe that families can be together after we die. This probably sounds really odd, because most of the Christian world believes “tip death do you part”. Please check out Mormon.org and learn about how families can be together forever. I lost my sister (39) and brother(43) to cancer. It has been lonely and hard, the only thing that gives me comfort is that we will truly be reunited. I have no doubt your sweet wife is watching over you and your kids and that she is not missing anything. Families are essential to Heavenly Father’s plan. He is merciful and would not deny your wife these precious moments. You are an amazing father, I can tell by your writings. By the way, we used to live in the Raleigh area a year ago and are moving back because of my husbands promotion. What a beautiful place to raise your family.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  June 7, 2015

      I’ll share your comment, but you’ll be glad to know that this Christian, and most I know, believe that we too will be reunited with our loved ones in heaven. And I am counting down the days! Faith makes this life a great deal easier, huh?

      Reply

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