Another Hot Rod Tanner

wheres-the-beef

I remember it being a bit traumatic when DJ got her license.  She drove so slow and so close to the right side of the road that I considered getting a second job as a mailman.  Sitting on the passenger side of the car, I could have easily delivered the mail on our route to school, church or the grocery store.  It would have given me something to focus on other than just how quickly I might die.

Now, it has come time for my second daughter to drive.  Yes, Stephanie, all 5’1” of her, is taking Driver’s Ed.  Whew!  Perhaps even scarier than the first.

Although I have yet to warn my coworkers, we have spent some time practicing in my office parking lot.  I can’t think of anyone I’d like to take out at the current moment, but I’d suggest any of you fellow Y employees reading this be kind to me.  We’ve only practiced on weekends when those dudes in the office down the hall are the only ones still at work.  The ones who invented steel kidneys, or some medical miracle, and who are making a bazillion dollars a year.  But if you miff me, I might put her behind the wheel at 5 PM on a Monday when you’re scurrying to your car.

Other than working to help her remember the difference between drive and reverse – she’s going to have to master that – my biggest concern is how close she has to pull the seat up to get to the steering wheel.

When Stephanie gets in the driver’s seat that I’ve been occupying, it looks like a three-year-old who puts on her 6-foot-four father’s business suit.  She can’t even reach the gas pedal.

She proceeds to use the automatic adjustments to raise the seat to maximum height and shift it forward until you can’t fit a baseball between her chest and the steering wheel.  Kareem Abdul-Jabaar, at 7’ 2”, would have plenty of leg room sitting behind her in the backseat of my 2007 Acura MDX.

She kinda reminds me of the Where’s the Beef lady from the 1980’s Wendy’s commercials, or my mother.  All petite.  All requiring me to contort myself when entering an automobile after they’ve driven.

Stephanie will whip around the parking lot and then jump out of the car leaving me to readjust the seat when I take back over.  I try to squeeze in, my head touching the sunroof and my knees tickling my ear lobes.  It’s kinda like leaving the toilet seat up.  Geeze.

Oh well, I guess it’s inevitable, we’re going to be on the road soon.  So be on the lookout for a silver SUV with Rhea Pearlman behind the wheel and a very anxious father on the passenger side.  Rest assured, I’ll make sure the car’s in drive before hitting the highway.

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13 Comments

  1. My son is 18 and still doesn’t have his license but I’m not sure how much longer we can put it off. I can’t imagine being the one to teach him to drive- don’t know if my nerves can take it.

    Reply
  2. LOL, the other day Mr. T was driving my car and we pulled into the garage and he was sitting there with the car running as I was getting out and I was all full of scorn and disdain when I asked “what are you doing? get out of the car”
    He let me know that he was waiting for the seat to adjust back to my settings.

    Poor kid always made a point to put the seat back and I never noticed!! 🙂

    Reply
  3. I get so excited when I see your blog appear on my feed! I love your humor and your stories are so relatable!

    Reply
  4. i blog about my life with my kids. teaching them to drive is …let’s just say it’s a memorable experience. love your humor.

    Reply
  5. Jen

     /  March 25, 2015

    This is great! JD got his license in January, and we’re still working out how to find places other than school, church and Target (Sports Clips for a hair cut is high on my list – just sayin’). I’ve told him that he’s responsible for teaching his sisters to drive — now he’s looking into “Early acceptance” for college 🙂

    BTW –the seat thing — toooo funny!!! That’s a constant here!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  March 28, 2015

      It is kinda helpful for them to make Target runs and drive siblings!

      Reply
  6. Aunt Susan

     /  March 26, 2015

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE’S IN DRIVER’S ED, SHE’S TOO YOUNG. I have only just accepted that her older sister is off to college!!!! how could you let her get that old? When did they start letting kids in 1st grade take driver’s ed???????????

    Reply

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