Hand Cream?

glove compartment

Over the Fourth of July weekend, my mom and dad were riding with me in my car.  We were having a very nice conversation when my mother asked me a peculiar question:

“Do you have any hand cream in your car?”

“Hand cream?  Like lotion?”

“Yes.”

“No.  Surprisingly I don’t.”

“Well my car has hand cream.”

“I also don’t have shampoo, conditioner or baby powder in here.  Because this is the car, not the bathroom linen closet.”

“Do you have an umbrella?”

“Yes.  I have three.  And a bible – a kid’s bible, but it is there if you need inspiration.  We leave it here because Mrs. Shuman gets very mad if Michelle shows up for Sunday School without her bible, and although I believe us to be good people, it is not something I am prone to remembering on my way out the door on a Sunday morning.  So we just leave it in the car.”

My dad is a preacher.  He’s probably wondering why we aren’t using that well animated epistle on a Tuesday.

“I send her to get it when we have weekday bible emergencies.”

The next day, we took my dad’s minivan to the lake to see my brother.  I got curious, so I opened one of two large glove compartments on the passenger side of the car.

“That’s your mother’s,” my father explained.

And there before me was a mini Rite Aid.

Three pairs of reading glasses, Gas X, a baggie full of toilet seat covers (would she really come back to the car after going into a restroom and pulling down her pants to get one of those?), a miniature umbrella (in case she needed to sneak one into the White House on a rainy day tour perhaps), several packages of Lance Nabs (their half-life is decades), salt, pepper, creamer (with stirrer, because McDonald’s is cutting back), a hair pick (for maximum teasing), a rain jacket (that was my dad’s), a small, black clutch with rhinestones on it (you never know when you’re gonna get that unexpected call to attend a formal event), a fanny pack, pliers, M & Ms, pens, pencils, a typewriter (exaggerating!), and of course… hand cream.

That is not all, that’s just all I can remember.

I have never seen so much stuff crammed into one little 12” x 6” pocket.

She really ought to pack the next rocket going to the space station.  They would never want for anything.

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26 Comments

  1. I used to snort in disdain at all of the things my grandmother can have in her purse at one given moment. And then I realized that every time I say “Grams, do you have this or this?” She produces it from her purse.

    I have wanted for nothing in the last 30 years.

    Reply
  2. pshhh — she’s prepared Mr. No Lotion in the car!!

    Reply
  3. LOL…don’t make fun of your mother!

    Reply
  4. Mom

     /  July 8, 2015

    One of the greatest joys of Danny”s life is to pick at me. It’s a part of his DNA. He occasionally gets it back from me and especially from the granddaughters in my defense. The “Danny’s” underwear in the freezer episode at the beach was a result of his teasing me with a stick around my ankles on the beach trying to make me think a crab was chasing me. The girls told him not to mess with me and when he didn’t, several of them went back to the house, got his underwear and put all of it in the freezer for the rest of the week. I am covered with my own army of little minions. And for the record…the toilet seat covers were a gift from a friend when I was going on a trip to England. My friend thought they might be useful. A portable commode would have been more useful there. I tossed them in the car pocket as a “just in case” item. Since they haven’t been opened by now, I think that may be an item I could remove and give me more room for food. Those Raleigh trips can get long. After all, it’s an hour and fifteen minutes to drive and sometimes these old people get hungry!

    Reply
    • I have a 23 y/o son still at home and sometimes he aggravates the bejesus out of me; just for fun! A fella I work with in his 30’s told me a story just this week about his mother (she’s my age). It was a hilarious account of a (in his words) a typical evening with mom. I laughed until I snorted and then playfully smacked him on the arm and told him not to make fun of his mother. He replied with “that’s my mother. I love her to death!”

      We mothers of sons get a lot of ribbing but, for the most part, wouldn’t have it any other way.

      Reply
      • Danny Tanner

         /  July 8, 2015

        Oh I love her – but seriously…nabs and toilet seat covers?

    • I love your momma. This is an awesome post. I have lotion on my kitchen sill because my mom wanted lotion one night in the living room. I had none. She was horrified. She keeps a basket beside her seat in her den with all the CVS essentials for grooming. My parents would so have nabs. After John died, I found a pop top of canned peaches in the bottom of his glove compartment. hmmm? peaches??? but guess what, a kid was hungry one day and magic!

      Reply
  5. KittyLuvr

     /  July 8, 2015

    My sides are aching from laughing so hard at this post…it was just delightful!! Your mom sounds like a gem and someone I would want to take a trip with! I have to admit that several of those items are in my car as well….and my newest add-on? a mini vacuum cleaner….just in case!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 8, 2015

      Oh, if you went on a trip with her, you would certainly be prepared.

      Reply
  6. Those toilet seat covers are genius, Danny’s mum. I had a girlfriend who’s handbag was like a supermarket. My small sister’s purse is usually a shop in disguise. I laughed in understanding through this one.

    Reply
  7. Okay, this entire thing, from the post to the comments is awesomeness!!!

    Reply
  8. She is certainly prepared. The Gas X had me laughing. She really has thought of everything, hasn’t she?

    Reply
  9. Elena

     /  July 8, 2015

    Well, “Danny” you had better not open my glove box or consol, I DO have the powder, HUGE flashlight, band aids, antiseptic wipes, maps of 3 states, and sanitary products – although I am post menopausal – I have friends who may be in need! This doesn’t include the protein bars, scissors or utensils!!!! She’s a good mommy! Now you hush, give her a giant hug and beg her forgiveness for not having a properly prepared vehicle!!! BTW, she had me on the Gas X!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 8, 2015

      Unbelievable – tampons and you don’t even use them???

      Reply
  10. Aunt Susan

     /  July 8, 2015

    1) don’t pick on your Mom, she raised you!
    2) the next time I ride with you I am going to check to see that you have all those things and more for “just in case”

    Reply
  11. Evie Lichti

     /  July 8, 2015

    DO NOT, I repeat . . . remove the toilet seat covers . . . I know you. As soon as you do, you’ll be sorry!!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  July 8, 2015

      The bag had not even been opened! She probably has some in her pocketbook too.

      Reply
  12. There’s a description in J.D. Salinger’s Franny & Zooey of the mom’s medicine cabinet where he likens her to a gardener and the carefully stocked shelves of the cabinet to her cultivated garden. Your post reminds me so much of that!

    Reply
  13. I used to always keep lotion in my car! Your mom sounds fun! 😉

    Reply
  14. Pam Burnette

     /  July 14, 2015

    Hi, Did your family go to Topsail this year? We just returned and had a wonderful time. Missed seeing all of you. Tell everyone Hello from us. I love reading your blog.

    Reply

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