Tinkle Twins at Disney World


All three girls, my parents and I went to the bathroom at approximately 11:15 AM on January 1 before we pulled out of the driveway for our eight hour junket to Florida.  Before noon, we had stopped once for a bathroom break.  DJ had a sick stomach, and the man I had admired for years for the size of his bladder had taken this opportunity, “just in case.”  Not only did we stop for him in the Tar Heel state, we also visited rest stops in the Palmetto State, the Peach State and the Sunshine State.

I had embarked on a five day journey where the focus of our trip would not be on which attractions we would see at Walt Disney World, but on where we could find the closest bathroom.

My mother’s bladder is the size of a garden pea.  They say I have my father’s nose and jaw line.  I have my mom’s eyes and urological functions.

For years on vacation my mother and I would plead for stops while my older brother and father would roll their eyes, with bladders the size of camels’ humps.  My, my, how the tables have turned.

It did not matter who in the family needed to relieve themselves, my dad joined right in.  I suggested he owed my mother and me an apology for years of urination ridicule.  He blamed old age and refused to atone for the past.

When we booked the trip, I expected my mother to go…and go…and go.  That was no surprise.  What I’d forgotten is the length of time each visit would take.  My daughters explained that when their grandmother approaches an unfamiliar potty, she meticulously wipes it down.  She then wraps the seat, double ply, with toilet paper to ensure that her epidermis does not touch the unknown surface.

Because she is cold natured, she wears a sweater in July mid-day on the beach, imagine the layers of clothing that had to be removed in January in order to proceed with elimination.

I’m not sure what she was wearing on the bottom, but on the top she had a camisole, a t-shirt, a shirt, a sweater, a vest and a white Pillsbury Dough Boyish puffy coat.  Children approached her at the Magic Kingdom asking for her autograph.  They thought she was a character.

To enter Disney World, you hold your Magic Band, a Fit-Bit type bracelet, up to a monitor and then scan your fingerprint to gain admittance into the park.  Time and again, my mother’s Magic Band would work, but the monitor could not detect her fingerprint.  My dad said it is because she washed them off.  The final ritual of her bathroom experience is a full scrub down of any potentially exposed areas of her body.  I have never seen it, but I think she washes her hands, legs and sometimes her hair (depending upon the overall cleanliness of the stall) after each visit.  If you washed your hands 27 times a day, 432,525 days in a row, you would be devoid fingerprints too.

It actually worked fine because the girls and I could wait in line AND ride the more adventurous attractions in about the same amount of time it took her to go to the restroom.

We actually had a lovely vacation, and, we visited bathrooms from around the world.

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  1. My dad used to force us to wait for what felt like forever, nothing was better than when I was old enough to take a turn driving and could pull in to any location when I needed! 🙂

  2. KittyLuvr

     /  January 13, 2016

    My father in law neededto make frequent bathroom stops as well…particularly as he aged. However, every bathroom stop was complimented by a 20 oz Diet Coke in a bottle….20 oz going in…and perhaps 12 oz going out..you do the math! Made for many long trips!

  3. Mom

     /  January 13, 2016

    I’ll have to say there was not as much exaggeration in this blog as usual. I confess to being slow on bathrooms. I learned some years back that everyone doesn’t care for their bathrooms the way I do so I just help the ladies who clean wherever I go. Some of these ladies have become “best friends” through the years. I do feel so sorry for the women who clean bathrooms for the public. I always remember to thank them for a job that is a thankless one. We have a tendency to ignore people who do this work. I love to see their eyes light up and a big smile cross their face because someone noticed their work.
    Being old can cause BIG problems but you gotta do it so just get prepared. I only wish I could be here to write blogs when you hit 78. That would be so much fun for all! We did have to laugh over this one. Your Dad still has not apologized but he did laugh quite a lot over this blog. We have to own it. Thanks for taking your old parents. It is always fun to be with the four of you.

  4. Patty Thomson

     /  January 13, 2016

    Wayne thought we should go from one gas stop to the next even with children!!! The girls developed good bladder control, but Jeff, being the youngest, was fine until he was potty trained. Then Wayne had a “wonderful” idea and told him to use an empty pop bottle!!! We resorted to a paper cup because he was afraid he would get stuck in the bottle!!! When I see a clean restroom, I give the attendant a big hug and thank her. It is strange to hug in a bathroom, but it is a hoot to see someone light up because someone has noticed. Thanks for the memories!!!

  5. I can’t even blame my frequent bathroom visits on my age. I’m too young for it and I’ve always been this way, even as a child. No one likes to go on road trips with me because I need to stop about once every hour. The up side is that we can buy snacks about once every hour! lol Anyhow, at least I still have my fingerprints…for now!

  6. Shelli

     /  January 13, 2016

    This gave me a good laugh. Thank you. I am the same way in public restrooms and hotels for that matter. I enjoy reading your stories. Keep up the good work Dad. You are doing an amazing job with your girls❤❤❤

  7. “And we visited bathrooms from around the world.” 😂😂😂😂😂

  8. Evie Lichti

     /  January 14, 2016

    Ole’ for the Ham Clan. Nuff sed!!

  9. Aunt Susan

     /  January 20, 2016

    If I had known your mom and Dad were going I would have taken the week off and gone with you! I don’t even like D.World. But tell your mom I will smack you for being rude when I see you again!

  1. Tinkle Twins at Disney World – prabhasthoughts tells the visitors about her views on the inter relationship between the mind and the brain

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