How big is your mouth?


I have noticed that females like small spoons. I’m not sure why. You can’t get enough food in your mouth with them. I want a mamba-jamba spoon. Big enough to expedite the eating process and enough to get a nice chunk of flavor on my tongue.

Years ago when a friend got engaged he and his fiancé went to Belk to pick out their china and flatware patterns. Rumor has it he actually put the spoons from several patterns in his mouth to make sure they could deliver. My man!  It’s an important decision, one you’ll live with daily for life!  You wouldn’t buy pants without trying them on. It is unusual that we don’t all put our silverware in our mouths before purchasing.

When I serve my homemade crockpot veggie soup to the girls, I put the larger of our two spoon options by their bowls. Do they appreciate my desire to fill them up? Nah. They complain!

“We aren’t mules, dad.  Give us normal spoons.”

“Based on my experience, you all have rather large mouths. I chose your flatware accordingly.”

“Why don’t you just use the ladle dad?  Or turn the pot right up to your mouth?”

“When I eat vegetable soup I want a plethora of tastes entering all at once.  With your spoon you solely get a carrot.  Then a pea.  Perhaps eventually a potato. That is not how God intended it.  Plus, I eat a lot, and my arm gets tired after a while. This cuts down on the number of trips to my lips.”

I’m trying to help them. To teach them the right way to do things in life. But you just can’t reason with these people. It’s fruitless.

If they want to dwindle their lives away daintily protracting one crumb at a time, so be it. It’s just not worth the fight.





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  1. Mom

     /  April 13, 2016

    I understand the girls’ feelings about large spoons. Our mouths are not elephant size. However, the larger spoon is a soup spoon. It is correct to use it when you have soup. In that case, you should sip from the side of the spoon. That’s almost impossible to do with veggie soup so tell the girls that when their mouths grow a little it will help. They do need to know the difference but in the meantime, humor them. They’ll figure it all out but for now, it is time to educate them about silverware and let them break the rules while they can. I find it interesting that you knew to give them the soup spoon. You got it right, Dad! Good job.

  2. My mom uses the tiny salad fork – the entire table is set with normal dinner forks… except for her plate and the 3 year olds plate… those get the tiny salad fork!

  3. When my Dad used to take me for ice cream, he always waited for the only guy working there at the moment to serve him. The first time I caught on, we were standing in line & one of the girls said: “May I help you?” & Dad said: “No thank you. I haven’t made up my mind yet.” I said: “Dad, what are you talking about? You get the same thing every time.” He whispered to me: “I know but the guys always give bigger scoops.” I think it’s the same principle.


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