Pre-op

PhotoI just bought Stephanie a new car – well, a new used car.  She was driving my 2007 Acura MDX.  It has 260,000 miles on it.  It’s on hold for Michelle who gets her license in two months.  It has to make it for three more years before I can afford another.

Sometimes I feel like I have 260,000 miles on me.  On Saturday I turned 53.  I still have some hair which is good, but there seems to be less on my head and more in my nose and ears.  Sometimes my knees hurt.  Sometimes my right hip hurts.  My cholesterol is high, and I couldn’t touch my toes unless you amputated them and put them on the table.

And tomorrow I am scheduled for shoulder surgery.

When I first saw the doctor for the incessant ache to the left of my neck, he told me I had several bone spurs.  “Simple surgery.  You won’t need physical therapy, and you’ll be back to normal in no time.”

I think he sells used cars on the weekend.

When I went in for my pre-op appointment in May, the physician’s assistant told me that I would not be able to lift weights at the Y for 10 – 12 weeks.  That is not “no time.”  So I cancelled the surgery.  When I went in for pre-op in late July, because my shoulder still hurt, the same PA gave me a waiver and shared the news that, although unlikely, I might die from this surgery.  I cancelled again.  Last week I went back for my third pre-op appointment because my shoulder still hurts.  They made me put down a deposit.  The only thing I like more than not having surgery is money.  I assume I will be sliced open like an apple this week.

My parents enjoy surgery.  When one of them has a procedure, the other gets jealous and gets the same one.  They both had their eyes lifted because the skin on top was skewing their sight.  They both had their hands operated on because they hurt, and they couldn’t open the pickle jar.  My mom just had knee surgery.  She told me, “I need to get well soon because your dad has to have the same thing done to his knee.”  I’m guessing my dad tried to have a hysterectomy after my mom.  They are like conjoined twins that aren’t attached anywhere.

I think they sort of look at their bodies like car maintenance.  I call the dealership when the service needed light comes on in my vehicle, “I’m showing a B12 indicator light, what needs to be done?”  “An oil change, draining and replacement of your rear differential fluid, a full check of the transmission and a tire rotation.”

They call the doctor with similar questions:  “I’m showing an 80+ indicator light Doc.  What needs to be done?”  “A colonoscopy, an eye lift and a double hip replacement.”  “Can you take me on Thursday?”

I am not looking forward to this week.  Nor am I looking forward to the next “10 – 12” weeks of recovery.  I’ll let you know how it goes in an upcoming blog post… that is if I can type.

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7 Comments

  1. Alma Cutler

     /  October 3, 2018

    Praying all will go well!

    Reply
  2. Wayne Ham

     /  October 3, 2018

    When you hear other people complain, you begin to think about that in relationship to you. After reading this, I think my shoulder hurts. Maybe I could work that in before I have the knee thing done! – Dad e

    Reply
  3. Margy Corder

     /  October 4, 2018

    Hang in there through your surgery and recovery. I¹ll keep you in my prayers.

    Margy Corder

    Reply
  4. Aunt Susan

     /  October 4, 2018

    Do I need to come up there and take care you so Michelle can carry on with being a strong student with a DL? I hope you forewarned your Parents you were writing about them! I think it’s nice to them to share surgeries that way they can share the pain!
    Just think about TuTu she had the same surgery!
    Seriously, tell Michelle to call me if she needs help!

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  October 14, 2018

      Michelle got me one glass of water when I was down and out. She is not going to be a nurse.

      Reply
  5. good luck! I just had some surgery last month and it is strange to “go under” but you come out and it’s ok to take a break and take care of you. enjoy being taken care of. or at last try. :O.

    Reply
    • Danny Tanner

       /  October 14, 2018

      that is hard to do! hope you are feeling well and recovering.

      Reply

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