I left Time Warner last summer because that company is run by Satan’s angels. When I tried to sever ties with them, they would not let me go. It was like Jim Jones in Guyana. When they offered me Kool-aid to stay, I ran… hard and fast.
After weeks of trying to break free, Beelzebub told me I would receive a refund of $240. When the check came for only $170 I was frustrated. After four, hour-plus long phone calls and me repeating my story, time and time again, I gave up.
“Moe, the last customer service representative I talked to, told me I would get $240. On October, 16, at 10:37 PM, Larry, the one before Moe,told me the same thing. Curly, are telling me you don’t owe me the money???”
“Yes. We do not owe you that money. We owed you $170 and it is paid.”
“Why did Moe and Larry both tell me the check would be for $270?”
“I do not know. They were wrong.”
“You record these conversations don’t you?”
“I want you to go back in your recordings and listen to my phone calls with Moe and Larry! Do it! Now!”
“Those are for internal use only.”
“Then internally listen!!!”
At the end of that conversation, I decided one of three things was going to happen:
1) I was going to kill someone
2) I was going to have a stroke, heart attack or aneurysm and die myself
3) I was going to have to give up and take up meditation
I chose number 3 primarily because I have a full-time job and had to work instead of answering questions with the automated attendance just to be re-asked the same questions repeatedly by the customer service agent.
I switched to AT&T last summer. It had nothing to do with the 24-year-old blonde door to door saleswoman with the light pink low-cut t-shirt who sat with me on my front porch sipping lemonade and discussing my frustrations with Time Warner. Delilah convinced me that her company, AT&T, would be better – we slit our arms and pressed our blood together. She was my savior. She had come to set me free.
For the first 30 days AT&T and I lived in pure harmony. My internet worked without disruption. My cable never failed, and I had HBO – not just for a free 30 day trial, but, for LIFE! And for less money.
Every time I turned on my Insignia I thought of Delilah. She peppered my nightly dreams, like a spirited fairy.
And then, my phone line began to go out. No dial tone. Dead.
I’d call, patiently wading through the automated voice system.
Please describe in a few words why you’re calling. You can use terms like, “technical assistance or account information.”
The first ten calls I was patient. “Technical assistance,” I kindly uttered.
Is the problem with your cable, phone, internet or all of your services?
Is the problem happening all the time?
“Yes. It is happening all of the time.”
AT&T sent servicemen to my house three different times. Finally, Steve decided that is was not AT&T’s fault, it was ADT’s fault, my alarm company.
I called ADT. They told me it was not their fault. They said It was AT&T’s fault.
I decided to bring the two together to solve our problem, like sorting out problems with my kids.
I called ADT to set a collaborative meeting at my house. They were good for Thursday evening.
I called AT&T. They could not come on Thursday evening. They could come on Monday evening.
I called ADT back. They told me they could not do Monday evening because they did not have evening appointments. I told them that I had scheduled an evening appointment five days earlier. They assured me that they never had evening appointments.
“But you did last week! I had an appointment scheduled for Thursday evening? Now you are telling me you don’t have evening hours?”
“Yes. We do not have evening hours.”
“But you did last week. Did you change your policy this week?”
“Sir, we do not offer evening hours in your zip code.”
“BUT YOU DID LAST WEEK! I HAVE NOT MOVED! MY ZIP CODE HAS NOT CHANGED!!”
We finally agreed on Saturday. Both could come between 8 AM and noon.
AT&T came at 8. They blamed ADT.
ADT showed up at noon. They blamed AT&T.
The ADT guy is tied to a chair in my basement. I am going to feed him and allow him bathroom breaks every six hours. But his ass is not leaving my house until the AT&T guy comes back. We will resolve this problem.