Dad!!! You’re SO old!!

Happy Birthday Danny Tanner! You are officially very elderly. That’s right folks – it’s the big 5-0. This is DJ Tanner reporting from Washington, DC. Since I will not be home to celebrate the milestone of my father being alive for half a century and since I am a broke college student that didn’t want to pay for shipping, I decided to give the gift of some kind words for all the world to see in this surprise blog post. Even though you may not understand every single inside joke, without further ado, I give you “50 Things We Love About Dad,” with much love from Michelle, Stephanie, and DJ Tanner. (Don’t be fooled, some of these pictures are old, so he looks younger).

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We love…

1.  His unique bowtie collection and his overall sense of style (even though we bash it occasionally). We love the bowtie thing, because he taught us how to tie them…and that’s how we get all of the cute boys.

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2. His stash of gum and sweet tarts in the car (that we all know he LOVES to share).

3. His funny voices/accents.

4. His ability to do something hilarious on command that oftentimes ends with one of his children wetting their pants.

5. His inability to naturally smile in pictures unless his children are tickling his chin.ry=400 me&dad

6. His knowledge of the daddy handbook. (Example: “excerpt from page 834, Daddy’s may tickle their daughters, but they may not tickle back.”)

7. His devotion to constantly remind us that “he loves us the mostest.”

8. His goober reading glasses that make him look at least 73.

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9. His lap for sitting.

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10. His motherlike actions – including, but not limited to, knowing the most recent girl fashion, understanding the need for manicures and eyebrow waxing, and the instinct to leave us alone at that time of the month.

11. His obsession with Chick-Fil-A, making it so that every road trip consists of at least three stops to our second home (Chick-fil-A that is).

12. His love handles, even though we know he hates them..

13. And his dedication to P90X because of them.


14. His cheap spending habits. (Not sure which sister came up with this one, but it was not DJ).

15. His dedication to color coding his shirts in his closet.


16. His willingness to play “Don’t come in my kitchen,” even when he has had a long day and when his children probably should have grown out of wanting to play this family game.

17. His ever growing pig collection.


18. His pajamas – including his scrubs, his holey underwear, and his beloved slippers.

19. His commitment to his yard.

20.His addiction to the “Candy Crush” iPhone game.

21. His ability to edit college essays and election speeches.

22. His instinct to cheer us up with his crazy humor when we are stressed over a silly assignment.

23. His patience with technology. He’s not very good at it yet, but he tries. Remember that one time he deleted everything on his phone?

24. His tradition of writing us crazy poems in our lunch boxes or camp mailboxes. Here is an excerpt from a really long poem for when I went to college.

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25. His cooking. Well…not really, but we like to watch him think that he can cook fish and then watch him order Chinese food (our favorite) when it doesn’t work out.

26. His taste in music – he has taught us some oldies which we have fallen in love with.

27. His bravery when allowing each child to have 10 friends over all in one night.

28. His patience when all 30 of these kids stay up all night, or insist on cooking pancakes at 4 in the morning (true story).

29. His faith.

30. His back pocket from which he can always pull out old YMCA skits and ideas.


31. His dancing skills. Specifically his waltzing in “A Christmas Carol” and his shagging.

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32. His love for his mom’s chocolate cake and the fact that he can eat the whole bowl of extra icing in one sitting.

33. His inability to drop us off at summer camp or college without crying paired with his ability to pretend like he isn’t crying, by putting on sunglasses.

34. His “blonde” hair.

35. His determination to teach us how to ride a bike back in the day.

36. His dedication to making sure we all have dates for all of our all girl school dances.

37. His team spirit.

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38. His insistence on taking family pictures when nobody else wants to.

39. His Christmas card making skills.

40. His ability to take a joke. Remember when we froze your underwear? Hid your slippers? Short-sheeted your bed?

41. His love for crab hunting at the beach.


42. His skill for making our lunches look like “faces” on the plate, and his actions as we pretend to eat each body part. (Example: you eat the ears made of carrots, Dad can’t hear anymore!)

43. His book and his blog. We also like being the cover of his book.

44. His three cups of coffee in the morning and his dump afterwards. I’m not sure where any of us would be without this daily routine.

45. His interest in being involved in our schools. We like that he knows what’s going on and that he occasionally helps out on a committee or two.

46. His confidence when having the “…now what kind of tampons did you want” conversation on the phone in the middle of Target.

47. His second silly verse to “Sanctuary” that he made up and taught all three of us. Seriously, ask us and we will sing you a completely made up verse, synchronized.

48. His constant need to keep the house tidy.


50!! Ep nom duppi duppi.

Dance Party, Dellwood Drive

Posted by Danny

Tanners love ourselves some sleepovers!  There’s nothing we’d rather do on a Friday night.

Maybe this is why…


Don’t you wish you could spend a weekend with us?


Posted by DJ

Recently my Dad has been on this workout rant. I mean, he is always doing something to try and get rid of his flabbyness. Once he lifted cans of baked beans, other times he has come up with his own lifting patterns which I swear he just made up to embarrass me.

I wonder when he will realize there is just no use. He is a forty-six year old man, if he wanted to be big and buff he should have figured that out in high school.

But lately, he has discovered P90X. He borrowed it from one of his friends (I’m not sure which one, but when I find out they will pay, big time).

Here is the basic gist of this daily workout.  It is about an hour-long and consists of:

Some man named Tony Horton, who is ripped and has gorgeous abs, yelling at you through the television. Half the time you cannot even understand what he is saying.

Now when Tony gets tired, he stops exercising and just walks around and tells everyone else working out in the room with him what they are doing wrong. So helpful.

In this multi-disk program, you use weights and huge rubber bands, and occasionally a chair or two.

The point of this blog post is to let you know how embarrassing it is when I have friends over and your dad walks out into the kitchen (where our food is prepared) all sweaty and smelly and he starts having a conversation with your guest who is obviously disgusted. The worst part is his outfit. He either wears gym shorts or his underwear and a t-shirt with holes in it (which my mother tried to get rid of on multiple occasions, guess I should take that responsibility over).

I am not saying that it is bad that he is working out and keeping himself in shape. I’m just saying that he did not “go up a size in sports coats, because my arms are getting too buff.” You think he was kidding, or I made that quote up? Nope, dead serious this came out of his mouth with a straight face.

Pigs A Plenty

Dad's i phone background picture - you know he wants one

Posted by DJ

We are getting a pig.

Yes – this is legal in Raleigh, if it weighs less than 100 lbs and is shorter than 22 inches in height. I’ve done my research.

It’s Dad’s fault.  He came home and told all three of his daughters about how his friend had recently gotten a pig for her birthday.  Then he admitted he really wanted one.

Normally when we bring up pets, specifically dogs, he just screams “NO!” and the conversation is over.  I know he really wants a pig because he brought it up and does not completely refute the idea when it is discussed.

Jesse and I have it all planned out.  It will stay in a crate in the backyard playhouse with a chicken wire fence surrounding it, built by Uncle Jesse.  In the winter it will stay in the basement hallway, out of the way of house guests.

Dad asks, “Who will take care of it when we are out-of-town?”

Jesse  responded, “Seriously? I would feel bad for asking anyone if they would take care of my huge dog for the next week.  But a pig?  People would gladly volunteer to take care of your pig because that just doesn’t happen everyday.”

Jesse also decided when we got a pig it would have to be pink.  “None of those brown or black pigs,” he said.  I thought that was pretty funny; he’s not usually the type to care.

Dad may say we are not getting a pig, but we totally are.  It will happen, and when it does we will need plenty of volunteer babysitters.  Leave a comment if you are in favor of this notion or if you will pig sit for us.  After all it’s not a childhood without a pet.

The Jolly Roger

Posted by DJ

This past week, we have been at Topsail Beach with my moms’ side of the family.  We have many traditions when we go to Topsail, such as Putt Putt, Dairy Queen, crabbing, and burying each other in the sand.  This year I may have established a new tradition!

The Jolly Roger Pier is about a 10 minute walk on the beach from our rental beach house.  Generally, we chose a night to take the entire family for a walk on the pier, which we did as planned.  I curiously asked my dad what time the pier closed.  He said he didn’t think it ever closed – crazy people fished all night long.  “In that case,” I said, “let’s go at midnight!”

“Why would I do that?”

“Everything is more fun at 12:00 a.m.”  He’s getting really old.

So after everyone was asleep, except for my dad and me, we sneaked out of the house, and walked down the dark beach to the pier.  He was right, there were a few folks there fishing. 

We didn’t stay long, but we had fun hanging out.

I will definitely try to continue this tradition. (Whether I will be successful is debatable.)

Uncle Jesse

Posted by DJ

Uncle Jesse.  He may or may not know this, but I look up to him…alot. I honestly think he is one of the coolest uncle’s I will ever have.  He is always in the loop. 

A new song comes out, he knows it.   And he shares this knowledge with me.   I occasionally pass it on to a friend or two and within a moth, it is the most played song on the radio.   I have no idea where he gets this information, probably one of his many buddies.

It’s always my buddy Chip or Justin or Bomani.  What do you have to do to be Jesse’s “buddy”?  I don’t know.  But I do know he has over 1,000 facebook friends.  That is a lot of people.

He knows everyone.  Also, I look up to his musicality.  I used to take piano, but Jesse says he never really had official lessons, but he can hear a song once and play it almost perfectly.  He sits down at the piano (except Tuesdays, that’s basketball night) for about 20 minutes every day.  Half the time I have no idea what the song is, but I still seem to really enjoy his loud semi-annoying singing which I can hear very clearly from my room.  He gets one song in his head for like a week and then only plays that one song, so by the end of the week I also know a new song.

Jesse also has a lot of flaws, but I will save those for another post as I don’t want to ruin this one.

 He is a big part if my life.  Home, church, and as of recently school.  He has been subbing a lot in different classes and he is also the track coach. We argue, and mess with each other, but I know, and I hope he knows, that I love him and always will.

50% of the time he seems like a little brother.  The other half he is like a second dad.  We go places as a family, me, dad, Steph, Michelle and Jesse and often we get stares from passersby.  We don’t look like a normal family.  One old guy, one middle aged guy, a teenager, two kids and no mom.  A little confusing, but we are a family no matter how weird we are.  He has been a huge help through these hard times and I couldn’t have done it with out him.  Thanks Uncle Jesse.

Short Sheet the Dad

On the way home from school, with my grandparents, we call them Mae and Gaga, we began talking about how to short sheet a bed.  Michele and Stephanie really wanted to know how this funny prank played out.

If you don’t know how watch:

As soon as we got home, we decided we had to teach them how on Dad’s bed to aggrevate him and to show them how.  We unmade the bed, and with Mae’s help remade the bed perfectly.  I told Mae and Gaga, they stay up late, to wait up and take a picture of dad when he got in bed.  Gaga saw the light go off and a few moments later it turned back on.  He could here moaning and groaning coming from dad’s room.  That’s when he ran in the room and took the picture.


Dad said, “I am tired, I am a single parent.  Why did you do this to me?!  You should have just told me, I would have posed for a picture for the blog and I could have been asleep five minutes ago!”

Mae and Gaga just laughed and wished Michele, Stephanie, and I were awake to see his reaction.

Watch out Jesse, you might be next!

Uncle Jesse’s Night Life

Posted by DJ

Thursday Night:  Asleep by 9:13

Friday Night: Asleep by 8:57

He’d be an exciting date wouldn’t he?

My Dad Is Cheap

Posted by DJ

My Dad is so cheap. On the snow day, of course we got bored.  So, we were looking for something to do within walking distance of our house. There is a Bruegger’s Bagel and  a nail salon.  I suggested that we walk up to the shopping center, grab a bagel, and get our nails done.  My dad’s quick response?   “Do we have any gift certificates?”

“I don’t think so,” I responded, “we finished the nail one off last time we went.”   Well, he goes and checks for a gift card anyway, and sure enough finds one.  He was so excited and so were Stephanie and Michelle, until he said, “Wait, it only has $4.00 left…what else could we do today?”  And sure enough we did not end up getting our nails done, but went to a movie instead because we had a gift card.  But we forgot it so we had to pay full price.

So cheap

Floral Feet

Posted by DJ

Ok so my dad spent a lot of money on these shoes…ugh. They have like polka dots on them and kind of look like they have doilies all over them. In my opinion they look like some shoes that Vera Bradley would sell for men. Again, he’s such a dork.


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