Lisa did a good thing right before she died. She wrote a very simple card to me telling me she loved me and that I had done all that I could for her. She essentially said, “No guilt Danny. No guilt.” She told me to move forward in my life – to remarry. Her exact words were, “You’re not good by yourself.” Yeah. She knew.
What a generous things for her to do. Selfless. Not surprising.
I have no guilt. I have no angst about moving forward with my girlfriend, Julie. I don’t know if I would have without the final check off, mybe so. But it surely is nice not to question.
In a way, those who know they are going to die have an advantage. If they choose, they can get their affairs straight. They can share how much they love their friends and family. They can help alleviate any feelings of guilt. They can plan with their loved ones.
One would think that someone like me would fully be prepared to die. I’m not scared to die, sometimes it is actually more scary to live in this world than to ponder death. But I don’t think I’ve done a great job of planning for what could come.
Do my kids know that I absolutely adore them? And not in a general sort of I love you way. Do they know why I love them, individually? Do they know what I think is most wonderful about each of them?
At some point over the past year or two, my parents wrote a letter to me just to let me know they are proud of me. It’s framed in my bathroom (my favorite room in the house).
Do those I work with understand their importance in my life? How they’ve stretched me and made me grow?
Am I vocal enough with Julie about my feelings for her? Danny Tanner is not always easy to love. I come with a lot. I am thankful she’s in for the long haul.
Have I thoughtfully thanked all those who stood by me in my darkest times? The ones who tossed my up on their shoulders and carried me when I couldn’t walk myself.
Oh, they’ll get their reward in heaven, but wouldn’t it be nice if I took the time now to let them know that I haven’t forgotten – that I wouldn’t be where I am today without them.
I hope I don’t die tomorrow. I am not prepared.