Piggy Pressure

Posted by Danny

The pig pressure is mounting.  Be strong – be strong.

The week before Christmas I had a sitter in for the girls.  I thought the sitter was my friend – we go to church together.  She is not –

Apparently when I called her to stay with the girls, she began thinking about a way to entertain them while I was out.  She reads our blog and had talked with DJ about the girls’ desire for an animal – specifically their preoccupation with a swine.

Rather than watch a nice G rated movie or play Monopoly, this calculating caregiver devised a plan that would both entertain the girls and support their oinkish objectives.

They spent the first hour of their time together drawing and cutting out pigs – there had to be fifty of them.  And on the back of each one, a message was written that would endorse the adoption of a sow.

The first piggy cut out I found was under the milk jug in the fridge.  The cute pink head, complete with snout, stuck to the bottom shelf.  I picked it up with curiosity – turned it over and found this inscription: We will help! 

I didn’t think much of it, besides, it was 1 am and I was hungry.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that there were pigs strewn about the house from my soap dish, to the mailbox, to my favorite pair of boxer shorts.  I even discovered one the following morning tucked under the windshield wiper, flapping in the wind as we drove down Capital Boulevard to church.

I’ll have to admit, the marketing campaign was compelling.  Their well thought out angle was clearly crafted by this woman who heads the communications department for a local nonprofit. 

  • Pigs teach responsibility.
  • They’re good for the environment.
  • Dads + Pigs = Love.
  • No extra vaccuming needed (hairless).
  • Coolest pet ever.
  • Jesse will build the fence.
  • Great blog posts.
  • We’ll buy him a bowtie collar.

All well and good, but I think the icing on the cake came when I opened my stocking on Christmas morning.  In the very top was a note in cursive:

Dear Danny, get the pig.  Santa

If I took creativity into account when considering the purchase of a family pet, we would already have one. 

I love my nutty kids but can’t figure out where they get that trait.

NO PIGS ALLOWED!

Posted by Danny

We are not getting a doggone pig!

I can’t believe I told the girls that my friend got a pet pig for her birthday.  They’ve been hounding me for an animal for years.  I need a pig like I need a gaping head wound.

I did NOT change my i phone background to a photo of a pig as DJ contends.  When I turned it on yesterday (in a business meeting), there it was –  a swine staring me in my face.  I was startled!  I almost snorted.

DJ has it all figured out.  She knows exactly where it will live, what it eats and how much the food will cost.  She even reminded me that female pigs have periods – NOT a selling point!  Can you imagine?  How do you handle that?

She claims they are very smart and can be trained to use a litter box – but the idea of a box of hog poo sitting in the corner of the den is also not a selling point.  Nasty; just nasty.

I will say, however, that if I was going to get an animal, it would be a pig.  How cool would it be to walk one of those around the block?  Lisa started collecting pigs years ago – we have them throughout our house.  We also have fifty or so pig Christmas ornaments.  If she were alive and found out a pig was a viable pet, there is no doubt in my mind we’d have one.

I wonder if we could try one out?  Unlike a dog, if it didn’t work, we could always just serve it up for breakfast.  I probably have a sausage maker in my utensil cabinet but just can’t identify it.

No!  We’re not going there!  I can barely take care of myself – much less three kids and a sow.

(Posted by DJ:  Broke into Dad’s blog account…we ARE getting a pig!)

Pigs A Plenty

Dad's i phone background picture - you know he wants one

Posted by DJ

We are getting a pig.

Yes – this is legal in Raleigh, if it weighs less than 100 lbs and is shorter than 22 inches in height. I’ve done my research.

It’s Dad’s fault.  He came home and told all three of his daughters about how his friend had recently gotten a pig for her birthday.  Then he admitted he really wanted one.

Normally when we bring up pets, specifically dogs, he just screams “NO!” and the conversation is over.  I know he really wants a pig because he brought it up and does not completely refute the idea when it is discussed.

Jesse and I have it all planned out.  It will stay in a crate in the backyard playhouse with a chicken wire fence surrounding it, built by Uncle Jesse.  In the winter it will stay in the basement hallway, out of the way of house guests.

Dad asks, “Who will take care of it when we are out-of-town?”

Jesse  responded, “Seriously? I would feel bad for asking anyone if they would take care of my huge dog for the next week.  But a pig?  People would gladly volunteer to take care of your pig because that just doesn’t happen everyday.”

Jesse also decided when we got a pig it would have to be pink.  “None of those brown or black pigs,” he said.  I thought that was pretty funny; he’s not usually the type to care.

Dad may say we are not getting a pig, but we totally are.  It will happen, and when it does we will need plenty of volunteer babysitters.  Leave a comment if you are in favor of this notion or if you will pig sit for us.  After all it’s not a childhood without a pet.

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